Let me start off by saying that this month has been one of the best EVER. which is a stark contrast with some of the past February’s in my life. Valentines day has never been my favorite day ever… and this year Scott worked, but… well let’s do things in order.

First of all I got to attend my brother’s wedding. I have never ever before been able to attend a sibling of  mine’s wedding. (ETA, I’ve realized that this isn’t true, I attended Wudan’s wedding. That’s right. I’m a space cadet. I didn’t mean to be insensitive, I meant it was the first time I’d attended a temple wedding. Also, I was really immature and unmarried when Wudan got married, so I don’t think I appreciated it as much… if that makes sense? A wedding is a wedding is a wedding until you have one and realize how special and important it is being with someone who loves you. I love Sukie and Wudan, they had a beautiful wedding, and they love each other SO much it really does boggle my mind. They may not be smooshy like some couples, but I know they love each other, it is so evident in their manner…. but back to your previously scheduled program) So this was really special for me. It was a beautiful day. I am so happy for both of them. I’m so pleased! I wish I could find all the words and images to explain to everyone how beautiful and memorable the day ways. The Ballerina (as she’s called) was sweet and lovable, I’m so happy that she’s my Sister in law now. She’s very sweet and kind. She makes the Specialist VERY happy.

Then on Valentines day we took Scribbles and Katie to Kangaroo Zoo. Katie bounced and played and went down on the slides, she was having a great time. We went from there to the Ultrasound place in the mall. We had a gender determination Ultrasound, and got some pictures…. I’ll have to get Scott to scan them in. And we know for sure IT’S A GIRL!! I have seen a lot of ultrasounds and a lot of double checking on Katie, so I know what a girl looks like on ultrasound now days. Scott says the baby is HUGE, but we didn’t get any measurements taken since it was JUST gender determination. a lot of people are wary of Mall stores that do ultrasounds, but mine was performed by an OBGYN, he was nice too.  We’ll be going back in on March 3 to my regular OBGYN to get another Ultrasound, in case anyone is skeptical. 😉 Since Katie is going to be a big sister, we got her a big girl bed. She’s been sleeping in it for a few nights, and everything has been going really well. She got Hello Kitty Sheets, and she ‘s in love. Scott tells me though that she wanted to get some “Cars” sheets. She’s in love with that movie. She has seen it at least 4 times today.

Since we weren’t able to do anything too romantic on V-day, Scott has set up for us (at some point, he won’t tell me, because it’s a secret) to go to a B&B for some time away. Scott got a flat screen monitor for his computer (how terribly romantic, right?? I’m like that.) which he’s excited about so he doesn’t have to haul his heavy monitors to LAN parties. Scott finally confessed to me that in addition to the night out at the B&B he has also commissioned a custom necklace to be made for me. It has my birth stone as well as scott’s and Katie’s birth stone in it. I’m excited.

So many exciting things now days.

Derringer Meryl [CRAZY] Out

To VOTE people, VOTE!

We will be finding out (hopefully) On saturday, so please vote on what you think before then, as the votes will be LOCKED IN at that point. 😉 Vote. You know you want to.

Derringer Meryl [adrift] Out

I have been updating my music list, I try and think every day of a favorite song. There hasn’t been much lately on the radio I love…. which makes me feel old. At the same time I know that music seems to go through cycles of me liking it and not liking it.

I love Weezer’s “My Best Friend” but I am finding myself in much more of an Elenor Rigby mood (AKA, all the Lonely people)

One thing that has been hard in all of my pregnancies is my depression. Everyone jokes about how you can be laughing one minute and sobbing the next. It’s quite true… I have pretty volitile emotions in the first place so to add (as one might say) insult to injury, I get to pump up the hormones and just watch as my stability is questionable.

I try to think of myself as an adult person. I try to act as adult as I can, I often find that acting is all that it is. It doesn’t matter what age you’re at, mean and spiteful things still sting as much at 24 as they did at any other age. You’d think at some point you get used to the way life is, that the world is mean and bitter (just as much as it can be kind and beautiful) but the thing is, you don’t. I find myself hoping for the best in people and just holding out until I’m ultimately dissapointed as I try and try to draw people into me, i somehow (and in the most unintentional of manners) turn them away. I feel like a joke. I have such a deep paranoia and anxiety in me that it inhibits social interaction in a healthy manner. I feel trapped in my mind, in a horribly exposed kind of way. I feel cut off, and lonely…

I feel like I should stop… trying so hard. Scott says I hold myself to ridiculous standards that no one can meet.  I just want to be the best me I can be.
Derringer Meryl [down] Out

I got this elsewhere on the net…. but thought you all might be interested in reading it:

25 random things about Meryl:

1. I like pop up videos. Really.
2. I have absolutely always hated my own name.  (ETA: Sorry Mom and Dad, You did your best!)
3. Even though I weigh the most I ever have, I also have the best self esteem I’ve ever had.
4. I like substituting the real words in songs, and putting in the word “meow”
5. I am at my absolute happiest when singing. In tune or not.
6. I am an intense planner. I wouldn’t say a control freak… I just like knowing how things are going to be. They usually don’t go that way, but it’s still refreshing to plan.
7. I love to budget. I seriously do.
8. I spent most of my childhood and teen years looking forward to being a mother, and I often feel like a failure now that I am one. (not always, just often)
9. I played the violin for several months, but quit when I wasn’t amazingly good at it right off.
10. I can’t read and listen to music. The lyrics and the words get garbled together.
11. When I was little, I wished my name was Katherine.
12. I have wanted to be more than 10 different professions in the course of my life. Turns out? I actually hate doing just about anything.
13. I desperately miss working retail.
14. If I could do one thing as a job, I would LOVE to be a columnist for a video game magazine or parenting magazine (Column about video games!)
15. I have an intense love of fabric.
16. Once upon a time I wanted to be a fashion designer. Turns out? I have no sense of style.
17. I will always shop at the Hot topic. At least two items I wear every day are from there. 😉
18. I say random words like dojobby, thingamajiggit, bucketface, and (yes) banana hammock.
20. Some of my best memories involve a Dodge lancer, freeways, music turned up too loud, cassette tapes, junk food and my older siblings.
21. I often ponder on what has changed since the 1950’s in the American Worker’s frame of mind.
22. I wish I were eloquent enough to express all the emotion in my heart and mind so that the entire world could feel it.
23. Sometimes I wish I could sit all day in a cafe, or a coffee place, or anywhere, with a journal, and watch people.
24. In all my imaginings in all my life, I never imagined my life like this– which is alright with me, every day is surreal. I thought I’d be dead at 16.
25. I often wish the day had more hours in it, so I could work just as much as I am at home and still get to sleep. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [think about it.] Out

people are afraid.

What they don’t know scares them. In one breath I was about to say “I wish people were more like me” but really… I wish people loved each other more so that they would want to reach out and understand each other. I wish people had less fear in their hearts. I wish that people could let go of what they think, and learn. I wish people would have hope. I wish people weren’t embarassed or scared.

I wish that things in the world were better.

Derringer Meryl [This was going to be angry–] Out