Undone

Ok, So let’s be frank. I’m not really super mom. No mom is (though her kids might think so!) but last night as I was fiddling on the laptop in my bedroom, and Katie was jumping on my bed, she turned to me and said “MOMMY! Luigi Broke!” and she was sad. See, we got her a Luigi figurine for Audrey’s Birthday. Mostly because if we didn’t, she would have stolen Audrey’s toy. SO,  I take the decapitated little figure, and ask her “Well where’s the head?” and she says “dunno”

Of course. Why the heck would anyone know where his head is.

I start the process of slowly removing blankets and sheets to locate it, all teh while Katie is whining/crying about poor Luigi, broken. Yes, Poor Luigi indeed.  I turn to ask her where she was playing with him when I hear THWOP and the dang thing has rolled under my bed. MY MASSIVE BED. So I try and Scoot the mattress out of the way a bit so I can fish around to grab it. nope, furry kitten attacks my hand… a lot.
Katie hisses at the kitten. Oh great, War of the kitties.  I move the cat out of the way, nope still can’t find it. I Scoot the bed further, and tell Katie to go into the hall, i don’t want her to get hurt.  But she doesn’t listen, OF COURSE. I Scoot the mattress FURTHER and pull up the foundation to look under the bed. and aha! Luigi head! Huzzah! parties and squeals of Joy. We go downstairs and glue him together, and there he sits, drying.

Poor Luigi. Nothing sucks more than being broken.  Katie was enthused that we fixed him though, even though she had to wait. Also she’s a big futurama fan. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [lovin’ you] Out

I adore bed and breakfasts’. I do. I usually judge the room based on the comfort of the bed and the size of the tub. I want a super duper tub that makes me feel like freakin’ julia roberts in Pretty Woman. I want to be able to be up to my chin in bubbles. You hear me?
Anyway. I’m lame. I would LOVE to go to anniversary inn. Scott…. not so much. He’s very meh about it. I have decided (with the Unveiling of the Twilight/Edward room) that I’m going no matter what. I’m a huge twi-geek, and this proves it. I had intended to take DQ with me, but I’m sure she’ll be swimming in her beloved’s eyes and be not so keen on leaving him at that point.

So I’m going to save my pennies, and my DVD’s and I may just go by myself. I don’t do anything by myself. Ever. I never ever have. I always tote someone along with me, because I think I have a fear of being by myself. I think though, that i might just go by myself. I would prohibit Scott from coming, but I think he’d rather lick a toilet seat in New Jersey than come with me to Anniversary Inn. Oh well. I’ll just have to arrange babysitting, and go! 🙂

I need to spoil myself a little bit more. 😉
Derringer Meryl [Alone again, naturally] Out

this one happens to be sewing, and being a girly girl. Who likes sewing and quilting and embroidery and such.

For the first time in a while I want to do things. I did finish Audrey’s quilt last year, but that was due to obligation to get it done BEFORE Christmas. I felt like I had to. Now I want to do something for me.

DQ is getting married (AWWWWW) and She’s not really having a line or anything, and I want to wear something nice. Something that I have wanted for a while (ok, since Jr High when I grew out of my last one) A full skirt. In fact, I would say a full skirt that looks like this:

Sorry to the lady I ganked that off of on Etsy. I’d download it myself… but lazy. Anyway. It’s just so feminine. I miss feeling like that. Usually when you’re a mom, you forget things like taking time for yourself. Being that I didn’t do it that much before I figured I would be all set. INSTEAD I find myself upset and resenting that I didn’t take the opportunity. WHY DIDN”T I?? Oh well. No use being upset over what’s in the past right? I try to take time for myself now though, Because… let’s face it, if Momma aint happy, no one is happy.

I have thought again and again about writing more. I just cannot seem to do it.  I mentioned my old stuff (poems mostly) from when I was in college and high school. I just look at them and think “Gosh these were good” and some of them are. Some are ridiculous. Some I love so much that they move me to tears. not because they are poignant and are sure to be a classic someday after I die… more like… “yeah I still feel like that” kind of thing. One was a prompted poem, about who I am. About how I don’t define who i am, everyone around me defines who I am. Someday everyone will step back and notice me, for who I am, and realize they have had a hand in shaping me. My personality, my life….. I dont’ make my own choices. I dont’ live this life for myself. Not to sound morbid or anything, but I am not here for me. who am I? To think that anything is about me? it’s not. Nothing is. How silly of me to think so, so i don’t. Maybe I have lost some sort of sense of self. My spirit has been Broken? Possibly. I dont’ really feel like I should fight for anything. it’s kind of like the wind has been knocked out of me at this point. I would say– I am here for you, not for myself.

Blah enough downer talk. I wish I could convey it with out being all debbie downer.

Anyway. I want to make a skirt, like that. In a beautiful silk shantung. gorgeous…. In orange. Not like safety cone orange. Like a firey color. and then find some sort of corsety top to go on top. Maybe in a cream? fabulous. yes. i’m a fan.

I love wearing skirts….

Derringer Meryl [skirty girl] Out

I remember when I was like… 10, I found my brother’s offspring CD, and was reading the lyrics, and found that it said “ass” in it (HA!) and totally snitched to my parents. He was PISSED! 15 years later, I’m jammin’ to the same band, same songs, loving them! (Currently listening to “Want you Bad”) But the thing is 10 year old me, just didn’t know what it’s like being an adult. Maybe I should try living up to 10 year old me’s standards, but… I think sometimes we miss out on some good things in life (good music, good people) because we can’t look past what we might deem as “wrong”

Your one vice
It’s you’re too nice
Come around now can you see
Don’t get me wrong
I know you’re only being good
But that’s what’s wrong
I guess I just misunderstood

Derringer Meryl [Lyric spew?] Out

I am going for an interview tomorrow. I am trying not to say anything on facebook, because well, I don’t want to cause a stir with my employer who spies on my facebook account. If the man is reading my blog well… 😛 none ya bidness MAN!

Anyway.

I’m pretty excited about it. An interview, is just an interview, but it makes me feel marketable. I hope something positive comes of it.

We went tonight to roast marshmellows and hot dogs. Delicious. Katie loved the river, and slipped in a little bit. but she didn’t get too wet. I also got off work early to go to my doctor’s appointment. It was miserable. I took the two kids, and the doctor was running an hour behind. UGH! You know what is miserable, two kids who are super grumpy and need naps trapped in a small room with a few books and one toy that the older one won’t share. That is what I call hell. Anyway. i told the doctor about my dreams that seem to just be false memories, that I swear up and down that they have happened. he asked if they were hallucinations, and I said no. He seemed nonplussed. I am much more concerned for my sanity. I don’t think all mentally unhealthy people are as easy to detect as a paranoid schizophrenic. But still. I think maybe I’ll go to psychiatrist, for all of my mental health needs. I am finding that i’m having a hard time trusting people. My paranoia is increasing. I feel tense and anxious when it’s unnatural. I told the doctor today that I shouldn’t take wellbutrin, I remember I got taken off of it really fast as a teen, but I couldn’t remember why. He still seemed insistent. There is nothing I dislike more than a doctor who is unwilling to listen to my needs. DO NOT LIKE. Anyway. Off to look for Psychiatrists in the area.
Derringer Meryl [what what!] Out