Undone

I did a new layout. Still based on the one I got at Unsaid designs. I don’t know how long it will last, I have to find a good B&W of Sarah.

SHe’s my obsession of the moment. Trust me I have plenty of SMG pics, I just need to sort through them, and figure what ones would make a good side to my page.

It wont take long, SMG looks good in all her pics. Why?

Cause she’s always wearing her clothes. She refuses to go nudy. I totally respect her for that. What a doll.

Holding her ground in a tough little world.

Ha!

Anyway. I’m indulging in a little Britney Spears at the moment. Yes I hate her. Yes I think she’s a slut… but that doesn’t mean her songs aren’t catchy and what not.

Blah. I don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Why? Cause i’m lazy, and I really dont’ want to deal with the whole….. awkward-ness thing. I hate being awkward, that’s why I’m rushing though being a teenager like I am.

OH! great news, it should probably make me more energized, but you know– energy is fleeting thing.

My best friend is moving in with me. Sometimes I’m tempted to say she’s my best friend in the whole world, and then I think, Wouldn’t all my other friends be offended? and honestly, I wouldn’t blame them. *kicks herself* See the thing is, she’s more of a sister, like my other best friend. So for the first time in my life, i’ll have a real live living breathing sister! Wow neat huh? I think so

All you people who hate spending time with your sister raise you hand.

Goood for you.

I wanted a sister. After being all tom-boy-ee i wanted a sister.

So there. I can’t wait.

Anyway– I’m tired, and I want to see if I can update anything else… Like my mood, that is probably like three days old.

Anyway

Remember “Pancakes taste good by the gardinias”

Derringer Meryl [The woman in the moon is singing to the earth] Out

I suppose I’ll redo my journal entry now. *sighs*

It was just really long, and I usually write the things in here as they come to me.

I got my senior picture proofs, and can I say nasty! Ew. Gross. ew ew ew ew. I look horrid. I’d show you, cept that it is literally against the law, I even had to sign a little paper that said I wouldn’t reproduce them.

SO there. I wll never show them to any of you because after tomorrow I won’t have to look at them ever again. Cept the two good ones I’m going to order, which means I have to boogie in the morning and get to the bank.

Yes I am the grownup, I’m paying for my pretty pictures. Oh so pretty. *gags* RIght, they didn’t look so swell.

I worked last night, that is Tuesday. It was fun, HE walked me to my car, simply by accident, but it was sort of endearing… even though it was by accident.

I tried so hard to hate you

But it only makes things worse

I only end up hating myself

And as my hatred grows

So do the lies

It’s hard to face the truth sometimes

God I feel so useless

God I hate myself

It’s the truth, when you get try to get over soemone you want to hate them, cause that will make the pain justified, make the divorce from what you want to do, and what you need to do easier.

And you can’t. Sometimes you try to hate someone to divorce yourself from those feelings, and they just keep — you just can’t you can’t stop liking them, can stop from wanting to spend more time with them, even though you know its bad for you, even though you know it willhurt more next time–

Next time they don’t notice you.

I think you’d know by now i’m not a quiet girl…. but people seem to forget I’m there often enough. I hate it. I hate that I am not enough to pay attention to….

Thats what makes me feel like a little girl, the fact that everytime i’m with people i feel like i have to raise my hand in order to say something. I don’t always feel like that, but sometimes. Like at work. I feel like I have to wait my turn, and that people turn me out of their conversations because i’m not grown up enough. Sometimes i enjoy being innocent, but not when it draws me on the outside of something instead of the inside.

How annoying.

I didn’t go to girls camp. I know i”m such a horrible girl for not going. but honestly I have to say that girls are annoying. That is the number one reason why I will NEVER ever EVER understand lesbianism. Girls are the most annoying creatures on this earth. I do not exclude myself from this. THey aren’t always annoying, in small groups they are fine, but you get more than fifteen women together and you have mental break down.

I can’t handle that many girls. It annoys me to no end.

I know this entry is totally different from the original one… but i feel different now, just the whole mood thing, i change like that. I just do.

Derringer Meryl [‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles] Out

I thought I’d update, It’s been a few days

You know awkward silence? Don’t you hate that? I mean a few minutes of it and someone could say something, or even leave. At work an awkward silence could last for four hours.

Could you imagine? Four hours of nothing but small talk, and — silence. Dull city. Luckily sometimes we have customers, but for some reason it’s been so slow.

Anyway.

I don’t remember where I went or what I was drinking, I know it made me sick, and I’m not denying that I get this way when I try and get over you. I get this way when I try and get over you….

Courtesy of [Stabbing Westward] the song is Sometimes it hurts I’ve most recently fallen in love with it, cause it makes me feel better about the stupid choices I’ve made in the past few weeks. I just wish I could take some of them back.

None of them were huge mistakes, like life shattering baby making mistakes, just little things.

You know like in the movie Sliding Doors it had Gweneth Paltrow, and it was all about “What if You had been ten minutes early instead of ten minutes late, what if you had caught the train instead of missing it” Type stuff. While you do need a British to English dictionary to watch it, I wonder what my life would be like if I took the road not taken….

What if I had been wise enough to choose one fate over another. What if I had the knowledge I had now, why can’t I go back and make a better choice.

And why do I have to live in regret!

Life has been so dull lately. I went to have some fun, and all that found me was a deep and endless stupor.

How jolly great, isn’t it? Oh yes, to live a life that seems to never end and has no glimmer of hope, no reason to keep going.

no light at the end of the tunnel. And the little train doesn’t know why it keeps moving forward, but does nonetheless, because it was told to do so.

Derringer Meryl [Sometimes it hurts so much to loose the one you love] Out

I decided to update even though it’s extremely early…

Or late, depending on if you’re neg or pos.

I Hate Tension. I hope people who go and cause problems on purpose burst into firey flames. [So discriptive] I can’t tell you how many times something like religious differences have made a big problem. And for the stupidest reasons. I hate that. I hate that people cause problems when they can just keep their mouth shut and go with it.

Take for example:

Saying “under God” In the pledge I’d like you to take into consideration that millions of people everday mouth it, the WHOLE pledge, because they’re lazy, crap. Take the entire teenage population… There’s a great point. And PULEAZE! You got kids killing other kids, and drugs and Babies being born to crack whores… do you really think mouthing “under God” is such a friggin’ big deal?

You kid has a problem? Tell them to suck it up, builds character.

Sound mean? Probably is, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to suck it up because it’s life. and it is. I can’t go and make everyone in the world do something like I want it, therefore in turn they can’t make ME do what THEY want. If it gets taken out, I’ll fetchin’ do it anyway. Because for me, this Nation is UNDER GOD. Sue me. Go ahead. It’s me

Sue me for the way my mind thinks, and the way I believe. You’re just stepping back in time to Nazi Germany.

One day in class my teacher asked if I would die before killing someone. I said yes without even hesitating. She said “What if I was Hitler and demanded the location of some missing Jews, and you knew where they were. I had a gun to your head…” I shook my head at her and said “It’s not my place to choose who lives or dies, just like it isn’t yours. If I die holding up my morals, at least i know i’ll go someplace good.”

It’s the truth. I’d rather die than give up on something I believe passionately in. I believe that everyone should be able to worship as they please.

I do not condone the actions of religious Zealots who have become exactly what they are fighting against…. It’s insane.

My theory on the whole thing is:

“Do what you want, it’s your life… but the minute your decisions effect someone else, you have to take that into consideration, and always remember that you are NOT more important than anyone else on this earth”

Does that mean a crack addict should get a ride on life raft just as much as Bill Gates?

HELL YES!

We aren’t allowed to make decisions on who lives or dies because of their place on the social statusphere. It’s not up to us.

Taking “Under God” Out of the pledge– could effect many people in a negitive way– It could have endless repercussions–

That doesn’t matter though, because someone doesn’t like it….

A little theory called “The greater Good”

Sometimes you have to let things go for the larger amount of people. Pick your fights.

I had a little bit of a bad day.

Oh– well it was a really bad day.

My tarot didn’t read out well, and my horoscope screwed me, but all is fair in–

the paranormal?

Maybe i just vest too much faith in them? Not that I believe that they are right, cause on the fourth of July it said I’d get some romance vibes, and I totally didn’t, so I really don’t. Now I just do it for fun.

Really.

I had a long day at work at which I got chewed out, and HE didn’t even stand up for me, [lamely] Oh my Hero [/lamely] i mean really how hard is it to just say “Hey, she’s been doing better, I think you should lay off.” Not too hard, no major risks in doing such, so — so what? So I don’t understand why he didn’t do it.

And you don’t seem to understand

A shame you seemed an honest man

And all the fears you hold so dear

Will turn to whisper in your ear

And you know what they say might hurt you

And you know that it means so much

And you don’t even feel a thing

*sighs* I don’t know what to do [Btw:Lain: Duvet Seen above] about love and everything. I feel sentenced to a never ending heck of singleness

My own fault, I’m sure. *frowns* Oh I entered a new feature, copyright Imood.com. It shows my mood as of currently. [I update daily, sometimes when I don’t even update here.] It’ll tell you a brief smidgen of how i’m feeling. usually a little poem, or something like that.

I love my little faces I can put down there, and they have like a gazillion different smiles and moods to choose from.

I think I just need a white dot for me. I feel like a white dot.

^_^;; I have to work with HIM tomorrow.

Derringer Meryl [Help me to breathe] Out