Undone

Well then.

I just spent a good portion of the morning looking for bloody kitty ears… Okay, not BLOODY kitty ears, I mean kitty ears… anyway, it seems impossible to find them when they aren’t hooked to a tale and some other sexy thing, like a bow tie.

Anyway, no SILVER kitty ears seem to exist at the local mall….

Speaking of the mall and such, I went back to my old digs (ie work) and spent a little time talking about my box. *snuggles Box* well, i wasn’t all possessive around HIM, but… I felt odd. Very Odd. Detached, remotely depressed odd. No.. not that kind… I don’t know, new emotion odd.

Like He’s the one person who never promised to give me anything, and gave me lots anyway…. It’s hard to explain, especially without offending somebody, because I have to admit, I have a lot of good people in my life, and I appreciate them, very much, but ….

He never said– never…. He didn’t wanted me to be attached to him, but I became so anyway… It’s… so .. odd, an odd sensation….

And now, I’ve disappointed myself. I remember after my very first boyfriend dumped me I promised myself that i would be cold, and detached (Which I have accomplished for the most part, quite well) and I have to say, i enjoy it. It’s a carefree life, not worrying about others, and …. when I say others I mean, the human race, I dont’ have to worry about them, for the most part, my life is a one person show, that being ME. So… Yeah, I wasn’t extremely attached to everyone there, at work, my old work….. Except him. My old Boss constantly promised me things he never gave me. People usually do that, and dont’ fulfill what they say… and I take it… very seriously…

He never promised me anything, and gave me so much.

The ability to laugh at myself

To feel love, and caring for someone who never did something for me.

THe ability to be myself, and express myself freely

I was able, to be me.

I don’t know if he understands all that I got from our working relationship, but, It was a lot. Enough for me to care about him, he taught me so much…

And for that, he’s endeared to me.

I’m such a sappy freak, and I’m extremely mellow right now, but I can see (as you probably can too) That i am a freak…. and sappy, with the sappiness…. and stuff.

-Anyway-

We finished Buffy (Yippie) and I’m having this sinking feeling that buying an Xbox for one (VERY SHORT) game is a bad Idea. *blinks* Oh well, There is always DOA!

HAHA!

Derringer Meryl [You never sang my song]Out

I’m tired, and I sold my Dance Dance Disney’s Remix today.

Wanna know the significance?

I’m sure you’re just screaming yes, oh yes.

Well It was HIS before I bought it, used of course, and so i’ve sorta held onto it for no particular reason…. other than I’m insane and i am extreme with the stupid-ness.

So Now that i sold it, I suppose i’m smart…. not really. i’m still as dense as ever, just not so attatched to HIM anymore, and that’s okay, cause HE was bad for me anyway….. But in a good way– Does that make sense? He’s a funny guy, and a great friend, but he’d be bad for me as a boyfriend….. that makes sense right? I’m just sorta ummm, distructive as a girlfriend, I (unfortunately) destroy things nearer to me however. (bums out)

Anyway, i was trying to convince my English class today that being apathetic to society is a good thing, and that we all pretty much do it anyway, we might as well admit to it. We were talking about Humanity, and what makes us human, I happened to raise my hand in class and say, “I want to speak on behalf of Bartleby, (a character in the story) Being withdrawn from society allows a life full of joy, free from sorrow and woe. Without the concern and burden of those around us, we can live a carefree and quiet life.”

They didn’t believe me.

I told them I did it everyday. That I’d prefer not to go out to school, or to any place that wasn’t work, but I do, because I HAVE to. There is no preference to it, I must go daily to school. Living withdrawn from society allows you to examine more wholly what society’s ills are, and contemplate them more in depth. There are no concerns for others feelings or emotions, because in your world, it’s just you.

It may be sick– But the Human Dependency on one another is one I tend to free myself of eventually.

I might die trying, but that’s a risk….. I’m more than willing to take.

Derringer Meryl [Ah Bartleby! Ah Humanity!] Out

Okay, SO Here’s the low down:

Used Xbox at whole Price: 144.99

Discount on Used XBOX: 29.00

Price after Discount: 115.99

~~~

Current Amount in Account: 75(ish)

Next paycheck: 84 (ish)

Total in Account: 159 (ish)

Total in Account after getting Xbox: $44(ish) (Only 19 can be accessed)

Expenses Needed Soon:

30 for Lit Mag Jacket (Soon, but not too soon)

30 For Lit Mag Shirt (soon but not too soon)

30 For Debate (Now. If i get asked again, I’ll bleed.)

Conclusion: I’m not going to ever afford an XBOX, like ever.

Derringer Meryl [Scare me, Just as soon as I get paid] Out

Man am I tired….

So Can I say my friend is driving me nuts. I wanna tell her, but conflict, is not me. No way no how. Thats why I don’t date, that’s why i have few friends. *nods* that’s about it.

I’m tired of spewing HTML all the time. Blah. I need to pull out a Laptop…. that’s what I need, is a laptop, maybe my brother can find me a really good one at a nice price (Yeah right) somewhere, cause that’s what I really want. a lap top to take notes on during class, cause I can’t handle my notes, they’re sloppy and nasty and what not. *blech*

Anyway I still have ton o homework that doesn’t involve the net, so I need to jet, and then some.

Muchos….

Derringer Meryl [Time to blow this thing] Out

Hola, SO, I’m like here now, to do like, my weekly check up, yo.

And so, yeah. If you can tell, i’m a totally different type of person, when i’m not crushing. Yeah. I’m less, meek? I guess, it’s a good thing all together. I think. Right. It is better.

Ummmm… So Yeah. They still aren’t sure what’s up with my heart, my blood cleared, and so it’s not that. But they still are checking on my meds, that’s tomorrow at eleven… ish.

*blah*

I’ve been having an anime-o-thon at my house, pretty much consisting of me, my best friend, and about five or so hours of anime. All together we’ve watched Some Yu-Yu- Haksho, (BTW, excuse my lack o’spelling.) Inu Yasha, Cowboy Bebop, and… that’s pretty much it. and… I’m totally obsessed with Inu yasha. I like him, he’s cute. And then, there’s Ed

ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR

Yes, well ed, is rather spastic, like me. She hacks well, though. Which is something that I can’t do for the life of me (No worries I can’t hack worth anything at all.) so she’s pretty cool at that then. Yes, I know I said ED, and yes, SHE’s a girl. 🙂 No worries,I’ll always be your Derringer Meryl. 😉 Yeah right, like anyone out side of my friends will be reading this anyway. It’s more like… the thing they’ll find after I’ve gone and died, whenever that is…. and if the internet even still exists… which I doubt.

*hee hee*

Yes, I always get the small spastic perky characters….. Want examples? Well yes, I did pick Ed, she’s me, I her, therefore that was all me….

Derringer Meryl (Trigun)

Asuka Soryhu Langley (NGE)

Yuffie Kuragi(FFVII)

Selphie Tilmitt (FFVIII)

Beatrix (FFIX)

Bulma (DBZ)

Boton (Yu-yu-hakusho)

Mimi (Digimon)

(blinks) Then….

Rikku (Sure, she was voted hottest FFX character, and it’s a compliment, but still she’s the perky character)

Madison/Tomoyo (CCS)

Misty (Pokemon)

Skuld (OMG)

The Best Friend on Vampire Princess Miyu…

Riho (Nightwalker)

Tara (Buffy)

That’s all I can think of right now, I’ll tell you more later……

Derringer Meryl [the real folk blues] Out