Undone

I am the oldest continuous blog in my family now since the Specialist stopped blogging. Whoo. Been doing it since 2001 and I don’t see me stopping any time soon.  Mostly because I may not get much feed back from people but I enjoy writing and listening to myself “talk” which is why I do blog.

I have been trying to write in a personal journal too, which makes things hard. I started medication January 14 (wahoo) and have been trying to use my personal journal to monitor if it’s actually working. I feel like it is. Which feels good, but on the other hand it feels weird. I sometimes feel like I am still VERY anxious about things, however the rhyme and reason of it has been removed… for example, i think of it like a math equation 3+4=7 (obviously) however it’s harder to understand what’s going on when you just put 3 4 7 without any indicators of what’s going on. I suppose if you had one more number in there it could make a pattern… maybe 3 4 7 11… But I’m getting off topic here…. without the mathematical symbols to tell you what the numbers are doing, they become nonsensical. like my brain trying to be anxious on drugs….

Our disneyland vacation starts in 14 days, i am ecstatic.

also as of tuesday, Scott and i will have known each other 6 years! Amazing! i would say it seems like just yesterday, but it doesn’t. It feels like a lifetime ago. It’s also the same day that Dave passed away 5 years ago. it feels surreal.

Derringer Meryl [living backwards] out

and other such nonsense.

I am 25 (haha, Old) and have hated valentines for a long time. I’m going to go ahead and say since the first grade where I got locked out of my parents house (with my brothers) and ate all my Valentines day candy and then threw up that evening due to the over abundance of sugar. I hate those little candy hearts and I hate the fake-ness of it all.

If your single, why would you want to have the happiness of everyone else SHOVED in your face, what better way than a holiday to point out that “hey you’re alone and single!” and if you’re dating someone who you aren’t loathed to be with (IE in a happy relationship that isn’t marriage) you get to crowd in with all the other people who are happy, or are pretending to be so on Valentines day at various restaurants and such, getting some commercial card, chocolates, flowers and if you’re really “lucky” jewelry that Tom Shane convinced your Significant other that they absolutely needed to have in order to make you happy. If you’re married, you either are newly married and fall into the category of most people who are dating, and if you have kids (like i do) you don’t want to go through the hassle of finding someone to watch them so you can crowd in with those people who are also celebrating said “holiday”. I much more prefer my romance and dates to be sporadic and not required.

. . . .

That’s not to say I wouldn’t appreciate something for onValentine’s day, but just as much as I might appreciate something any day of the year. Hopefully this weekend we can fit something in that will be fun.

In other news, I am sick again. I am hoping I am catching it in time that I don’t have to take as heavy duty of antibiotics again. Gosh.

Derringer Meryl [sick.] Out