Undone

….. in a odd and depressing kind of way.

It’s getting cold around these parts again, and in my conversations, I say “I just wear my hoodie to bed, it keeps me warm….” and it makes me sad, that for the 18/19th year of my life, i’m sleeping alone. Cold. *hangs her head in shame* I need to move my bed away from the window.

That’ll at least take away the cold from the outside. My heart’ll be cold for a good time yet, i do believe.

*sighs* Yeah, so I’m odd. I finally get the guts up to go and interview at a company, and now it looks like i may get the job, and i’m not sure i want it anymore. I’m not sure i want to leave my store now, for this unstable one. And it scares me. I’m so nervous and frightened… and i’m so unsure. *laughs* that’s a perfect segway into stuff we just aren’t going to cover here. Hee hee.

Oh! I finished watching Berserk today. I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone, especially not people who want to watch something with their kids. Good God, NO! Watch it with your wife, or loved one, you’ll get lots of cuddles because of the excessive amounts of blood. *smirks* good thing.

I went craft shopping today. and being there made me want to die. I know, warm fuzzy of the post, i’m sure. I just… i hate being there, because i feel like i’ve lost everything, everyone i love. And so being there only makes it worse…. because i make things (crafts, food, n stuff) for the people i love. and they all seem so far away. and everywhere i turned, i sadly thought of someone i feel i lost because of my own stupidity. And everywhere i go in town, i have memories. I don’t know how other people live iwht it. the pain of knowing you lost someone you held dear to your heart, because of your own moronic tendencies. *eyes glaze over* I better go before I die.

Derringer Meryl [i’m not eating dinner] Out

I have my first test in college tomorrow. I’m really nervous, mainly because i haven’t been to class in a long time. Heh. Shame on me. *smirks girlishly*

I won’t be going to visit monkey because he’s going to the doctor’s office to see if he has a heart murmur. I worry. I worry about Red too. She’s so far away, from her support base. (That is, me. heh… not really, it consists of a whole bunch of people.) *laughs softly*

Which reminds me. I went to see Monkey at work, and to give him Red’s new cell number, so he wouldn’t have an excuse to not call her (but i forgot to get him a calling card, oops.) and I was leaving, and once again my mind was doddling on the fact that guys turn their head slightly when they look at girls, Only God Knows why, i’m sure…. anyway, i was walking out the door, wondering if anyone was watching me. Trust me, i’ve gotten whistles from outside of that store, and a “Damn Baby! What do I gotta do to get me some of that!?” To which I didn’t reply… well I did use my spirit finger… heh. Anyway, back to the story… I was walking out, and i heard the door sorta clang behind me, because our door is really loud– if you’ve been there you know that…. anyway, i sorta turn and look, and Gert is washing the windows….

I smirked to myself wondering if he was actually doing work, or watching me. The cocky part of me says, “He was watchin’ your fine swing you gots in your backyard, yo!” and the modest part of me says “Whatever, he’s just doing his job, cleaning the windows. It’s what he does.” To which the other part responds “Actually, if you remember, that’s not his job, that’s monkey’s job. You know that. He thinks You’re a FINE piece of meat….”

and then I blush at the continuing ramble of my cocky little ego. *winces* I normally don’t brag. But cheeze and rice– i apparently have one fine ass. Red thinks so, Monkey does too (he won’t admit it, but Red Caught him looking, with the tilted head), Marco agrees with Red, and my mum says I have a fine swing in my backyard. Wahoo! I rock….. not really. Heh.

Anyway– i’m fairly sure i’m done bragging about how fine i look (oh no, really, i’m not that good looking.) and we can now continue on with the lyric spew which happens to be from Berserk, an anime which is good but VERY VERY VERY Bloody. Seriously. I’ve seen more blood in the last four hours than a doctor has in his entire career. hee hee. But the opening song, which is surprisingly sang in English, is really good. It’s got a neat Beatles type tune, and it’s just catchy.

Tell me Why, Berserk

Feel no shame about shape

Weather changes their phrase

Even mother will show you another way

So put your glasses on

Nothing will be wrong

There’s no blame, there’s no fame

It’s up to you

The first words should be finded

Whatever hold you back

I can, I can get it off

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you want

I don’t know why, don’t know why, don’t know why you afraid

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you say

I don’t know why, don’t know why, Too late, it’s too late

Have no fear for real

It’s just a turning wheel

Once you start up there’s no other way

Don’t put your eyes on boots

Step forward your roots

There’s no aid there’s no trade

It belongs to you

Before you miss something given

You should know what’s the truth

I can, I can make it out

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you want

I don’t know why, don’t know why, don’t know why you afraid

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you say

I don’t know why, don’t know why, Too late, it’s too late

Before you miss something given

You should know what’s the truth

I can, I can make it out

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you want

I don’t know why, don’t know why, don’t know why you afraid

Tell me what, Tell me what, Tell me what you say

I don’t know why, don’t know why, Too late, it’s too late

Derringer Meryl [Don’t point pretty girls out, not nice] Out