Undone

….. in a odd and depressing kind of way.

It’s getting cold around these parts again, and in my conversations, I say “I just wear my hoodie to bed, it keeps me warm….” and it makes me sad, that for the 18/19th year of my life, i’m sleeping alone. Cold. *hangs her head in shame* I need to move my bed away from the window.

That’ll at least take away the cold from the outside. My heart’ll be cold for a good time yet, i do believe.

*sighs* Yeah, so I’m odd. I finally get the guts up to go and interview at a company, and now it looks like i may get the job, and i’m not sure i want it anymore. I’m not sure i want to leave my store now, for this unstable one. And it scares me. I’m so nervous and frightened… and i’m so unsure. *laughs* that’s a perfect segway into stuff we just aren’t going to cover here. Hee hee.

Oh! I finished watching Berserk today. I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone, especially not people who want to watch something with their kids. Good God, NO! Watch it with your wife, or loved one, you’ll get lots of cuddles because of the excessive amounts of blood. *smirks* good thing.

I went craft shopping today. and being there made me want to die. I know, warm fuzzy of the post, i’m sure. I just… i hate being there, because i feel like i’ve lost everything, everyone i love. And so being there only makes it worse…. because i make things (crafts, food, n stuff) for the people i love. and they all seem so far away. and everywhere i turned, i sadly thought of someone i feel i lost because of my own stupidity. And everywhere i go in town, i have memories. I don’t know how other people live iwht it. the pain of knowing you lost someone you held dear to your heart, because of your own moronic tendencies. *eyes glaze over* I better go before I die.

Derringer Meryl [i’m not eating dinner] Out