Undone

So it’s late, and I have stuff to do in the morning (i’m trying to be better about swearing, because some of my readers get offended apparently. psh) but i just read Red’s blog, and it’s nice to know she misses me.

I know i’m not captain enthusiastic on the phone, but maybe it’s because i feel shittier after talking to her, because she’s not here, and it has to end because she has school, and work, and things. And I get that. I have things.

I’m lying. I have no things. *frowns* I never leave my house. I want so desperately for someone to take me out. I could go out, but it’s always with my mom, or with my brother…. and i just want to be with someone who isn’t blood related to me…. but not like fifty of them who ignore my existence (ala Math Class) it’s so lonely stuck here in my house. and i do miss Red so VERY much. She is my partner in crime. And I admit, so is my mom, but the crimes with Red are… *sly look* so much more… fitting to my age.

and i’m not exactly the queen of the making friends world. I mean, I don’t have to be at school, if i don’t want to be, and LORD do i not want to be. I hang out at work, but i think they find me lame. *shrugs* I find myself in a sticky place there. Split. Like part of me wants one thing, but part of me wants another. And as far as I can see, i’m getting screwed either way. Yes, I am getting HOSED as far as the social situation at work. I want Monkey, he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me, at all. and I have no clue– but Gert seems interested, but i have the flirt radar of a inanimate object. I’m screwed. Oh So very hosed. *frowns* I hate that.

And I miss going places with Red. I miss going out. I miss getting mad with her, and eating Ben and Jerry’s while drooling over hot guys. It was something we did…. and i haven’t done it with anyone else, ever.

And I hate the world. For telling us we have to grow up. Saying “Learn, you’ll be better for it.” I know when they teach in college. It’s like Scraping by 101, or Lying 101, or even boozing it and still going to class 101.

how is this worth the money you’re spending? Sure, some people come out of College smarter…. but how many? And it’s completely screwed up, that people can’t get jobs. Good workers, being layed off, and they have the knowledge they need for the job, but there’s no job to have. Cause the people at the top are clinging to what they “need”.

Oh Muffy, I simply must have that platinum golf cart, it’s adorable. Good God, Scrimp, do without your fucking luxuries, for the good of the damn nation. Jerks. So why spend Thousands, and possibly go into debt, for an education that isn’t going to help you get job in the struggling economy anyway?

Seems like a waste to me.

Derringer Meryl [angry, 24/7/365] Out

you stand back, try to be the impassive friend, try to like the little fucker she’s picked out for a boyfriend, and Oh Believe me, I tried. I even talked to the guy

but you can tell he’s bad news, from the moment he says you look like you’d castrate a man. Oh Yeah. You love the guy she’s chosen to spend her time with instead of you. he’s a great guy. but you keep quiet, because it’s the polite thing to do. You keep your mouth shut. Cause you love your friend more than anything, and you want her to be happy, but you see the brick wall she’s about to hit, you want to keep her from it, somehow save her– but it’s too damn late now.

all you have now, to keep her from being sad is Ben and Jerry’s and kicking the bastard in the nuts till he cries like a school girl…. Oh, and since she doesn’t want to do the first one– you’ll do the second. A lot, ya know, to compensate.

and eventually that won’t even make you feel better. and hell, since you’re the one doing bodily harm to him, she’s probably not feeling any better either.

It all comes full circle back to Ben and Jerry’s

Rich Jerks.

Today sucks. that’s about all i have to say. that today sucks. Gert almost got electrocuted and Friendjamin was in a bad mood. Monkey only ate a little of my damn brownies, and *eyes narrow* shit just happens right now.

A whole lot of stuff i don’t want to think about now or never. So there.

*shrugs* Screw this.

So I sacked the Orlando Idea, obviously. sure, I find him delicious, but… *sighs* It was just too dark, and clutter-y. I think I like this one better. Except, the stupid column on the side, it’s being stupid. Damn. Oh Well. Cant’ have the little site being perfect after only a few hours of trying, right?

Of course not. Oh, BTW sorry if any of this isn’t making sense, i’ve apparently picked up the habit of beginning one word, and ending with a completely different one. Go me.

I’m tired. I ran myself ragged today. Very very ragged. *sighs* I went to see Marco at work (I’m hoping to get a job there….) I went to school (I was a little late… hee hee.) I went to work to sub for friendjamin (he’s so sick, poor guy), then I went to Relief Society (Oh, that was a barrel of laughs) Then I came home and took the brownies that had been cooking while i was at Relief society over to the guys at work. Gert and Monkey….

I tried to be a good girl. Really. *smiles innocently* Gert called me Michelle (he got my name wrong, just like my ex. Jerk. *sighs*) and then Monkey double does it with the spelling my name WRONG.

I know it sounds… stupid, but i was on the verge of tears, i’m not even joking. Shame on me.

Anyway. I’m going to go to bed. That’s actually where I should be anyway. I’m just so tired of this day.

Derringer Meryl [i’m sick of being pushed around] Out

So I gave Monkey his sunglasses back, like a good little girl. *raises her arm to a square and smiles happily* I swear.

I don’t know why i didn’t give him the picture. I should have. But I guess I want that to be more of a… not at work thing. It’s just a matter of catching him long enough to give it to him.

he’s just always so busy.

I played air hockey with my brother and screwed up my pinky finger right nicely. It’s all bruised, and partially swollen…. it’s really rather disgusting. *shrugs* I need to do laundry, because it’s just… oi, i’m running out of normal everyday clothes to wear.

heh.

I was watching gilmore girls and thinking about Monkey and I. Or whatever the hell you want to say, which ever sounds better. I was thinking about my deal with Monkey, which I’m fairly sure he’s unaware of, because deep down, it’s my own deal, with all men of any nature. *sighs* But Lorelai is trying to play it cool with her daughter’s teacher, Max, whom she’s kissed. (He’s affectionately known as Wolf around our house because… well… he starred as Wolf in “The Tenth Kingdom”) He acts so odd about it. He won’t get near her, physically. He says that when they’re close bad things happen… and Lorelai is telling her friend Suki about how she would know how to act if she could just ask Max what he was thinking.

God, Is she so right. I would know how to act, around EVERYONE, if i just knew what they were thinking. Not everyone in this state is so open with their thoughts.

Heh. Heck, when it comes to expressing themselves, Red and I are pioneers.

Oh, I guess it’s time for the Lyric Spew for tonight, right? It’s When I’m with you, Simple Plan DOnt’ be surprised if a lot of lyric spews come from them or Chicago. I’m in love with the two albums. HA! 😀

Taking my time

I’m trying to leave the memories of you behind

I’m gonna be fine

As soon as I get your picture right out of my mind

[CHORUS]

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you

I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to

But everytime I call you don’t have time

I guess I’ll never get to call you mine

For nothing at all, I know theres a million reasons

why I shouldn’t call

With nothing to say, could easily make this

conversation last all day

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you

I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to

But everytime I call you don’t have time

I guess I’ll never get to call you mine

Another lesson I didn’t get to learn

Your my obsession

I’ve got nowhere to turn

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you

I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to

But everytime I call you don’t have time

I guess I’ll never get to call you mine

I wanna feel the way you make me feel when I’m with you

I wanna be the only hand, you need to hold on to

But everytime I call you don’t have time

I guess I’ll never get to call you mine

Derringer Meryl [my pinky hurts bad] Out