Undone

So it’s late, and I have stuff to do in the morning (i’m trying to be better about swearing, because some of my readers get offended apparently. psh) but i just read Red’s blog, and it’s nice to know she misses me.

I know i’m not captain enthusiastic on the phone, but maybe it’s because i feel shittier after talking to her, because she’s not here, and it has to end because she has school, and work, and things. And I get that. I have things.

I’m lying. I have no things. *frowns* I never leave my house. I want so desperately for someone to take me out. I could go out, but it’s always with my mom, or with my brother…. and i just want to be with someone who isn’t blood related to me…. but not like fifty of them who ignore my existence (ala Math Class) it’s so lonely stuck here in my house. and i do miss Red so VERY much. She is my partner in crime. And I admit, so is my mom, but the crimes with Red are… *sly look* so much more… fitting to my age.

and i’m not exactly the queen of the making friends world. I mean, I don’t have to be at school, if i don’t want to be, and LORD do i not want to be. I hang out at work, but i think they find me lame. *shrugs* I find myself in a sticky place there. Split. Like part of me wants one thing, but part of me wants another. And as far as I can see, i’m getting screwed either way. Yes, I am getting HOSED as far as the social situation at work. I want Monkey, he doesn’t seem to want to talk to me, at all. and I have no clue– but Gert seems interested, but i have the flirt radar of a inanimate object. I’m screwed. Oh So very hosed. *frowns* I hate that.

And I miss going places with Red. I miss going out. I miss getting mad with her, and eating Ben and Jerry’s while drooling over hot guys. It was something we did…. and i haven’t done it with anyone else, ever.

And I hate the world. For telling us we have to grow up. Saying “Learn, you’ll be better for it.” I know when they teach in college. It’s like Scraping by 101, or Lying 101, or even boozing it and still going to class 101.

how is this worth the money you’re spending? Sure, some people come out of College smarter…. but how many? And it’s completely screwed up, that people can’t get jobs. Good workers, being layed off, and they have the knowledge they need for the job, but there’s no job to have. Cause the people at the top are clinging to what they “need”.

Oh Muffy, I simply must have that platinum golf cart, it’s adorable. Good God, Scrimp, do without your fucking luxuries, for the good of the damn nation. Jerks. So why spend Thousands, and possibly go into debt, for an education that isn’t going to help you get job in the struggling economy anyway?

Seems like a waste to me.

Derringer Meryl [angry, 24/7/365] Out