Undone

That’s me.

Annoying, frustrating, and always a problem causer. That’s me. Because everytime I decide it’s time to look up some college stuff, they want to know about the tax information. Which means I have to ask my dad, which means he has to part from his beloved television (If he could, I’m sure he’d marry it.) and look his tax info up on the computer.

Not to mention the government requires you to know everything and more than likely as i get closer to the end– I’ll find i need to give some kind of urine sample. GARG! Yes, dammit, I said Garg, and I meant it. Because– I’m tired of little mr. whiney pitching a damn fit everytime I ask for something. He loves that tv more than me, and i know it.

Why else would he spend every waking moment in front of it?

Oh, this is only the beginning of the mother loving saga we call the weekend. Whoever said it was right, “When It Rains, it pours.”

My friend told me on saturday that she may be sick. I don’t mean *Cough cough* oh I’m sick, kind of sick, I mean hospital pallid face, can’t keep down jello because of the meds they have you on, kind of sick. I’m scared. She’s one of the few things I have left. Sure, sometimes I don’t agree with what she says, but she’s all I have as far as friends go. She’s great, and wonderful– and I couldn’t bear to think of life without her– not only for me, but for the rest of the universe. I’m pretty sure– if she died…

God. Why did I say that?

She’s not going to.I can’t let her. She’s…

something beyond all of the words I have, because everything that springs to mind is too trite for our friendship. She’s — the only reason I’m not insane.

and now– on the opposite endof the scale– my dad, the king of pouters. Who currently can’t find out how much money he’s worth. Damn FAFSA. I hope you die. *Kicks the Government*

Monkey Blarney.

Derringer Meryl [once i saw the glory in your eyes] Out

I HATE MONDAYS!!!

School was fine, except I found out that I wasn’t doing so well in my Word Processing Class, and today I found out that I wasn’t doing so well in my GYM class. I hate that class. She holds me accountable for work I didn’t do when I wasn’t there.

I suppose she’d rather me there and vomiting. Fine, she can have a hostile student, since that seems like her goal. She can have what she wants, a passed out, pissed off, and really really disgruntled video game playing GIRL!!! Okay! I’m tired, and you don’t seem to understand what tired means! I know you’re just doing my job, and I’m just doing mine, which is living, and breathing!! I’M SO SORRY THAT I INTERFERE WITH YOUR PERFECT PLAN!! But I can’t help the fact that I’m not as in shape as you want. SO SCREW YOU!

Can I say, I’m tired of Monday. I’m ready for friday.

Derringer Meryl [On your Bedroom floor] Out

Can I say that this is friggin’ Insane? Well, the thing is, you get an email your box. It says that someone likes you, then you have to give out all these email addys to find out who it is.

Wanna know the kicker? YOU DON’T GET TO FIND OUT UNLESS YOU GUESS THEM

Good ness friggin’ gracious. I would hope, that someone could tell me, though email if needed, PLAIN AND SIMPLE that they like me, instead of me needing to scrounge for emails.

Who ever this person is, they have a friggin’ bachelors. Who Likes me that has a bachelors? I’m sorry, you can do better than me, I’m fairly sure.

On a lighter (i think) note, i went to the doctors today. Okay so maybe this isn’t a lighter note, but I felt all woozy and flustered at school today, so I went home, and then my mom checked my Blood pressure and pulse, and they were crazy. My resting heart rate was 110. I don’t remember my blood pressure, but it ended me up at the doctors getting an EKG. I really don’t know what that is, but it isn’t happy things.

So, I spent the day asleep after that. Why? Cause It felt good! AHA! I don’t know if I”m going to school tomorrow, more than likely yes, and it’s no fun, I can’t… my heart feels funny a lot of the time. I don’t like it.

I decided that I hit a new low with my obsession with *ahem* I’m trying to stop thinking about HIM, and I’m doing better. That’s all I have to say about that.

I don’t feel well

I’m tired

I programmed an entire website tonight.

I’m done

Derringer Meryl [She did Ballet] Out

I have never been so confused in my life.

After putting myself in pretty much three (going on four) week quarantine from HIM. It’s been rather successful, at least I think so. One would assume that i contracted Pneumonia for the soul purpose of avoiding him! *cough cough*

Except for the fact that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…. .Well maybe Al Gore, but that’s another topic for another day.

I’ve been thinking about fairy Tales recently, how they delude people into thinking that life could ever be like that. I don’t think i’m upset for the rest of the world so much as I am for me. I’m upset that i believed it. that i believed that life could be so pretty for everyone. It never is. I suppose the fact that i was young and an idealist made it possible.

It’s funny how easy people become cynical. I was once told by a relative of mine that i was cynical. I gave that person the cold shoulder for the rest of their stay. It was annoying. No one likes to have their faults examined publicly and shown to them.

Or do they?

I know I have to say I don’t.

One thing is that life keeps changing, not always for the best at times, but changing none the less.

I have my best friend coming over tomorrow. I’ll be a different person with her. She’s the person who doesn’t care if i tell her how i’m feeling, in fact she wants to know.

Just like i want to know how she’s feeling.

I keep having this dream. My family is in a car, we pick up a hitchhiker (which we NEVER DO) and he falls in love with me, and it’s so….. *blinks* romantic. Honestly It’s like one of those fairy tales I was talking about. He tells me He loves me, and for some reason we can’t be together….. and i fall for someone else– but he ends up marrying me anyway– somehow. it’s a really odd re-occurring dream. i’ll have to analyze it later……

Derringer Meryl Out

Well I still am sick. But they know what it is now.

Pneumonia.

More than likely I just horribly spelled that wrong. I don’t care. I don’t mind and I’m betting that i’m the only one who reads this on a basis that is more than sporadic.

Finally it is easing up.

anyway exfiles is ending, and I want to watch.

Ta- Wish me luck on my crazy final things.