Undone

I have never been so confused in my life.

After putting myself in pretty much three (going on four) week quarantine from HIM. It’s been rather successful, at least I think so. One would assume that i contracted Pneumonia for the soul purpose of avoiding him! *cough cough*

Except for the fact that I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy…. .Well maybe Al Gore, but that’s another topic for another day.

I’ve been thinking about fairy Tales recently, how they delude people into thinking that life could ever be like that. I don’t think i’m upset for the rest of the world so much as I am for me. I’m upset that i believed it. that i believed that life could be so pretty for everyone. It never is. I suppose the fact that i was young and an idealist made it possible.

It’s funny how easy people become cynical. I was once told by a relative of mine that i was cynical. I gave that person the cold shoulder for the rest of their stay. It was annoying. No one likes to have their faults examined publicly and shown to them.

Or do they?

I know I have to say I don’t.

One thing is that life keeps changing, not always for the best at times, but changing none the less.

I have my best friend coming over tomorrow. I’ll be a different person with her. She’s the person who doesn’t care if i tell her how i’m feeling, in fact she wants to know.

Just like i want to know how she’s feeling.

I keep having this dream. My family is in a car, we pick up a hitchhiker (which we NEVER DO) and he falls in love with me, and it’s so….. *blinks* romantic. Honestly It’s like one of those fairy tales I was talking about. He tells me He loves me, and for some reason we can’t be together….. and i fall for someone else– but he ends up marrying me anyway– somehow. it’s a really odd re-occurring dream. i’ll have to analyze it later……

Derringer Meryl Out