Undone

Late nights. Dont’ you just LOVE them? I know I do. So I could burst into song about how it’s another friday night, and I aint got no body, and what not– but honestly– I’m not with the minding of not having an “Other” right now. stuff gets too confusing when you’re emotionally attached to someone– Or maybe I just make it too confusing. I’m betting on the latter of the two. 🙂

I had an InuYasha-a-thon, with the anime and some fics. Oi. Some of the fics i’ve read in the past few days are very well written, as well as very romantic. *gets all starry eyed* And we all know how Meryl loves a little romance.

My mom and I were talking in the car today about how Jaded I am. I admit it, I’m pretty bitter about romance for loving it so much. I only like romance in cartoons. My mom said that it’s cute, but not believable, I mean, it’s just cartoons, right? Well, see, In cartoons, Romance is perfect. It’s a controlled romance environment. *nods* and in real life, it’s well… real. There’s fighting, and divorces, and adultery, and people sleeping with their babysitters… and rejection. Mind games. I guess it’s easier to be the onlooker. I wish I could always be the onlooker, who helps people out.

*eyebrows furrow* No– I just wish I could have that perspective sometimes when I’m working out my own problems….

*eyebrow twitches* and what is it with guys anyway? I mean– Sheesh. Okay, I apparently can’t even put words to the anger that i’m feeling– so yeah. But I mean– with the not empathy and the not sympathy. Good grief!! Does that kind of stuff just come with estrogen or something? Because I have met very few men who feel sympathy. And you know what? It doesn’t even matter if it’s genuine, just as long as it’s not patronizing… A nod, and a “Man that sucks” or something isn’t that hard of a feat to achieve.

Oh, and the lack of being able to mannerly respond. Like when someone says “How are you today?” and the guy is like “Oh I’m pretty good.” and that’s it. No “How about you?”

I have to admit, I struggle with this one when i’m talking in person, because i’m sorta… introverted, more shy than not…. but I try. Honestly. And the lack of a curious mind, or something. It’s a baited statement when someone says “Man, I’m really not feeling good today” for you to say “Oh, What seems to be the problem” Good freaking gravy. How hard is that?

MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE is when guys check out a girl (not subtly, quite openly with a “How you doin’?” remark and all…) and says how pretty they are, and what part of them is pretty and what not– and does not even mention something that looks nice about you. Hair, Dress, Pants, Shirt, Necklace, shoes, PICK SOMETHING! You’ve got a whole girl in front of you with millions of things you could compliment her on. TRY IT!!

*sighs angrily* I don’t really know where that came from. Honestly. I was happy… and I am happy… except for that damn escapade with my contact… (I went and got a new one, which I will wear tomorrow to work.) I don’t feel like sleeping. I feel like …. not sleeping

My night– *blinks* I was thinking about Kagome and Inu Yasha… and how she loves him, and that he may not be who she wanted. Not who everyone had picked out for her, but he’s there. He’s there for her. And he comforts her, and he protects her…. and he falls in love with her.

and honestly, that’s sorta what I want to. Not so much the ego maniac who wants to kill me (literally) The first time we meet– but someone who is haphazardly placed in a situation with me, that seems — unlikely.

I’d like it to be a little fated feeling. I mean, I dont’ strictly believe in fate…. but– still. It’d be nice.

Ya know?

Derringer Meryl [Raving Loon] Out

2003-10-08 – 12:52 a.m.

Okay, i’ve tried to hide it, amid my other shames, but i cannot hide it anymore.

I love sappy romance Novels. I hate it, it’s embarrassing, i know it. Obviously i wouldn’t have hidden it if it wasnt’ so embarrassing to me. My favorite series of all time is the Sea Series, Written By Jean Ferris. She’s [?] an amazing author. (If it’s a guy, thne it’s more amazing, and then one has to wonder, with how well he writes, he must be gayer than all hell.) There are three books in the series, and in the end, the last has to be my favorite (think about it, it’s really the climax of any trilogy) But just so you know the first one is called Into the Wind, Song of the Sea, and Weather the Storm I’m sure that on the outside they look like any other lonely girl special, that is rippling biceps and supple breasts… yada yada yada. Not really. Very action Packed…. with some of that yummy guy imagery (since it is written from the girl’s POV, she very rarely, if ever, refers to her breasts or anything like that….) so yeah.

Here’s the basic layout. The guy who rescues her is a complete JERK (I wanted to put another word there, but prudence tells me not to…) he sets her workplace on fire, kills her dad, and *cough* rescues her from her dull life. Sure she’s gotten into something more exciting, but sheesh. … To complicate things, she, like most girls, falls in love with the freakish jerk. (Don’t get me wrong, he’s one foxy good kissin’ freakish jerk, but jerk all the same. we can’t ignore that fact.) I mostly get to read the second book (it’s fairly awesome) but while it has more action than the last, it’s certainly not as happy.

*shifty eyes* This is where it gets sad, i have to admit that I, the high and mighty AP English student, has been reading these for quite a while. *coughs* it gets worse, these books are intended for ninth graders, and considering i’m a freshman in college, it makes me sound– really really uber pathetic. *frowns* but it’s like a tradition. I read these books through my first messy break up (and yeah, it was messy because i cling. I admit that.) and so i just want to get my own copies so i can read them through all my future break ups, and then someday give them to my daughter so she can read them through her break ups.

I was watching Inu Yasha again. I know, again with the crazy, but it’s like a romance movie in action. Girl loves Dog Boy, Dog boy loves girl, Dog Boy and Girl believe they are betrayed by one another, Girl dies, girl gets re-incarnated into very pretty girl, Pretty girl enters Dog Boy’s Life, Dog Boy is confused but slightly turned on. *shrugs* See, Drama. I enjoy it. ANyway, they were talking about how it was shameful how Inu Yasha (Dog Boy) and Kikyo (girl) had fallen in love, which reminded me of the saying…

You don’t choose who you fall in love with — you just fall.

which for those of you who are keeping score is from my *coughs* Mexico story I was reading at school that one time. *winks* Love is Love, no matter how you look at it. It isn’t always healthy. It isn’t always right, but it’s always love. (Becareful, Lust looks a lot like it, just — hussied up a little, ya know?)

*sweatdrop* Have you ever tried to get something out of your mind, some… *shakes her head* and it just won’t get out? Like take a song for instance, you just think of another song, right? But what if you don’t want to. You love that song being stuck in your head…. Like on Friday I had only one portion of The Postal Service’s, Nothing Better, stuck in my head, all day. I’m not even joking. I had my CD player, and I considered turning it on, listening to some tunes, and getting it out, by any means possible, but it just occurred to me, that i like it there.

and i guess if i like something being stuck in my head, i should probably shut the hell up about it, ne? *smirks* I’ll just have to remember that. won’t i?

I trust everyone. It’s the devil inside the person I don’t trust

Derringer Meryl [ignoring the devil] Out

So many things– that i just wonder about. I’ve been getting out later, and later at work….. especially when i work with Gert. I know i’m not doing anything that’s different, so i’m wondering, what’s taking so long? *blinks* eh…

and so much for the idea of “Don’t point out pretty girls in front of other girls.” yeah. Every (or darn close to it) girl who walked by our store yesterday got a “How you Doin’?” from Gert. *frowns* but what am i supposed to do? I can’t say anything– I can’t do anything– Good Grief. I can’t say “Hey Gert, I think you’re pretty funny, I really like spending time with you– and the bottom line is– i really like you.” No. Cant’ do that. Want to know why?

CAUSE HE’S MY FREAKING BOSS, duh!!! You can’t say things like that to bosses. You can’t say things like that to people you work with for that matter. Thinking you can is fallible. You’re wrong. and if you for some reason think “MY case is different, it’ll work out for ME….” you’re just fooling yourself– you delusional freak. Heh. *whispers* though i’ve wanted to give him the address to my blog here for a while…

Right-

Oh, By the way, Happy October!!!

I bought the first DVD of Slayers today. I should be getting my copy of Inu Yasha and DN Angel soon too (tomorrow, or friday) and so i’ll be in Anime Heaven. 🙂

Time to cook dinner. Oh, and because of my special friend — i get to stay home and watch Angel. 😐 Ick about the friend. Yippie about the Angel!! 🙂

Derringer Meryl [off to cook some dinner] Out