Undone

Late nights. Dont’ you just LOVE them? I know I do. So I could burst into song about how it’s another friday night, and I aint got no body, and what not– but honestly– I’m not with the minding of not having an “Other” right now. stuff gets too confusing when you’re emotionally attached to someone– Or maybe I just make it too confusing. I’m betting on the latter of the two. 🙂

I had an InuYasha-a-thon, with the anime and some fics. Oi. Some of the fics i’ve read in the past few days are very well written, as well as very romantic. *gets all starry eyed* And we all know how Meryl loves a little romance.

My mom and I were talking in the car today about how Jaded I am. I admit it, I’m pretty bitter about romance for loving it so much. I only like romance in cartoons. My mom said that it’s cute, but not believable, I mean, it’s just cartoons, right? Well, see, In cartoons, Romance is perfect. It’s a controlled romance environment. *nods* and in real life, it’s well… real. There’s fighting, and divorces, and adultery, and people sleeping with their babysitters… and rejection. Mind games. I guess it’s easier to be the onlooker. I wish I could always be the onlooker, who helps people out.

*eyebrows furrow* No– I just wish I could have that perspective sometimes when I’m working out my own problems….

*eyebrow twitches* and what is it with guys anyway? I mean– Sheesh. Okay, I apparently can’t even put words to the anger that i’m feeling– so yeah. But I mean– with the not empathy and the not sympathy. Good grief!! Does that kind of stuff just come with estrogen or something? Because I have met very few men who feel sympathy. And you know what? It doesn’t even matter if it’s genuine, just as long as it’s not patronizing… A nod, and a “Man that sucks” or something isn’t that hard of a feat to achieve.

Oh, and the lack of being able to mannerly respond. Like when someone says “How are you today?” and the guy is like “Oh I’m pretty good.” and that’s it. No “How about you?”

I have to admit, I struggle with this one when i’m talking in person, because i’m sorta… introverted, more shy than not…. but I try. Honestly. And the lack of a curious mind, or something. It’s a baited statement when someone says “Man, I’m really not feeling good today” for you to say “Oh, What seems to be the problem” Good freaking gravy. How hard is that?

MY BIGGEST PET PEEVE is when guys check out a girl (not subtly, quite openly with a “How you doin’?” remark and all…) and says how pretty they are, and what part of them is pretty and what not– and does not even mention something that looks nice about you. Hair, Dress, Pants, Shirt, Necklace, shoes, PICK SOMETHING! You’ve got a whole girl in front of you with millions of things you could compliment her on. TRY IT!!

*sighs angrily* I don’t really know where that came from. Honestly. I was happy… and I am happy… except for that damn escapade with my contact… (I went and got a new one, which I will wear tomorrow to work.) I don’t feel like sleeping. I feel like …. not sleeping

My night– *blinks* I was thinking about Kagome and Inu Yasha… and how she loves him, and that he may not be who she wanted. Not who everyone had picked out for her, but he’s there. He’s there for her. And he comforts her, and he protects her…. and he falls in love with her.

and honestly, that’s sorta what I want to. Not so much the ego maniac who wants to kill me (literally) The first time we meet– but someone who is haphazardly placed in a situation with me, that seems — unlikely.

I’d like it to be a little fated feeling. I mean, I dont’ strictly believe in fate…. but– still. It’d be nice.

Ya know?

Derringer Meryl [Raving Loon] Out