Undone

*dances* I’m off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz…. err.. something. I’m actually off to work in a little while (Hi-Ho Hi-Ho, it’s off to work I go…) and then I’ll be all hyper cheerleader girl on speed there. WAHOO!

Anyway I thought i’d drop a spew ‘fore i go. 🙂 Toad the Wet Sprocket, Good Intentions

it’s hard to rely on my good intentions

when my head’s full of things that i can’t mention

seems i usually get things right

but i can’t understand what i did last night

it’s hard to rely on my own good senses

when i miss so much that requires attention

have to laugh at myself sometimes

and i can see that i’m not blind

there’s little relief

give us reprieve

for all the things i’ve left behind

i’m positive that i’m not blind

i’m not afraid things won’t get better

but it feels like this has gone on forever

you have to cry with your own blue tears

have to laugh with your own good cheer

it’s hard to rely on my good intentions

when my head’s full of things that i can’t mention

seems i usually get things right

but i can’t understand what i did last night

there’s little relief

give us reprieve

imagining the world outside

i’m positive that i’m not blind

i can’t be hard on you

’cause you know i’ve been there too

learned a lot of things from you

but life gives little relief

give us reprieve

and when everyone is cold as ice

i clinch my fists and close my eyes

imagining the world outside

but i can see that i’m not blind

Derringer Meryl [my mind is full of things that i can’t mention] Out

….. in a odd and depressing kind of way.

It’s getting cold around these parts again, and in my conversations, I say “I just wear my hoodie to bed, it keeps me warm….” and it makes me sad, that for the 18/19th year of my life, i’m sleeping alone. Cold. *hangs her head in shame* I need to move my bed away from the window.

That’ll at least take away the cold from the outside. My heart’ll be cold for a good time yet, i do believe.

*sighs* Yeah, so I’m odd. I finally get the guts up to go and interview at a company, and now it looks like i may get the job, and i’m not sure i want it anymore. I’m not sure i want to leave my store now, for this unstable one. And it scares me. I’m so nervous and frightened… and i’m so unsure. *laughs* that’s a perfect segway into stuff we just aren’t going to cover here. Hee hee.

Oh! I finished watching Berserk today. I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone, especially not people who want to watch something with their kids. Good God, NO! Watch it with your wife, or loved one, you’ll get lots of cuddles because of the excessive amounts of blood. *smirks* good thing.

I went craft shopping today. and being there made me want to die. I know, warm fuzzy of the post, i’m sure. I just… i hate being there, because i feel like i’ve lost everything, everyone i love. And so being there only makes it worse…. because i make things (crafts, food, n stuff) for the people i love. and they all seem so far away. and everywhere i turned, i sadly thought of someone i feel i lost because of my own stupidity. And everywhere i go in town, i have memories. I don’t know how other people live iwht it. the pain of knowing you lost someone you held dear to your heart, because of your own moronic tendencies. *eyes glaze over* I better go before I die.

Derringer Meryl [i’m not eating dinner] Out

Uh-Oh. He likes Gershwin. He likes old type music, like Tony Bennett and Old Blue Eyes. *smiles*

Oh Yeah, I’m talking about Gert. He’s so …. different. I don’t know if it’s swoon worthy, like, if i should be breath-taken, or how i feel entirely…. but i know i like to spend time with him. He’s fun, and he makes me laugh. I love to laugh. It’s my favorite pastime. Hee hee.

Today sucks. that’s about all i have to say. that today sucks. Gert almost got electrocuted and Friendjamin was in a bad mood. Monkey only ate a little of my damn brownies, and *eyes narrow* shit just happens right now.

A whole lot of stuff i don’t want to think about now or never. So there.

*shrugs* Screw this.

So I sacked the Orlando Idea, obviously. sure, I find him delicious, but… *sighs* It was just too dark, and clutter-y. I think I like this one better. Except, the stupid column on the side, it’s being stupid. Damn. Oh Well. Cant’ have the little site being perfect after only a few hours of trying, right?

Of course not. Oh, BTW sorry if any of this isn’t making sense, i’ve apparently picked up the habit of beginning one word, and ending with a completely different one. Go me.

I’m tired. I ran myself ragged today. Very very ragged. *sighs* I went to see Marco at work (I’m hoping to get a job there….) I went to school (I was a little late… hee hee.) I went to work to sub for friendjamin (he’s so sick, poor guy), then I went to Relief Society (Oh, that was a barrel of laughs) Then I came home and took the brownies that had been cooking while i was at Relief society over to the guys at work. Gert and Monkey….

I tried to be a good girl. Really. *smiles innocently* Gert called me Michelle (he got my name wrong, just like my ex. Jerk. *sighs*) and then Monkey double does it with the spelling my name WRONG.

I know it sounds… stupid, but i was on the verge of tears, i’m not even joking. Shame on me.

Anyway. I’m going to go to bed. That’s actually where I should be anyway. I’m just so tired of this day.

Derringer Meryl [i’m sick of being pushed around] Out