Undone

So I went to the High School/Family Reunion. I was there for like, an hour … maybe less, and that’s fine, because I felt sorta… mopey today. mopey: to give oneself up to brooding : become listless or dejected Yeah. I’m the brood queen. I’m a poof, and what not. (in the strict sense that I’m all … like Angel)

Yeah. Uber weird day. I don’t know how to explain it but, total drain on the brain. My poor friend who had her b/f committed, came into work crying her eyes out, because her boyfriend’s mom just ripped her to shreds. She was always a really laid back girl and now things like this are happening to her.

I don’t know where she got the bad kharma… but i feel bad for her.

*sighs* Then there’s me. I tend to focus on me, a lot. Especially in this journal, but then i figure, it’s my journal…. DUH! *shrugs* Red’s leaving at the end of the week. Makes me sad. *frowns* She’s my doll. One of the two people i’m currently addicted to, and she’s going off to college, of course she’s mainly focusing on her boyfriend, and what he thinks about her going off and exploring the wide world of… University. I don’t blame her. I’ve been in the happy place where all there is in the world is you and your guy (or if you’re a guy then you and your gal…. or if you have alternative lifestyles… whatever, you get the picture.) and you’re happy. All the time. *sighs*

Then, after that month of happiness is over, you get sad and dejected. Until you move on to the next person. *shrugs* I guess. I miss the happy. That’s why bitter people hate happy people, because they want to be them. Want to smile and feel that joy inside of them…. but instead they feel empty and cold. Nothing feels quite right without the other person.

and you end up trying to fill your life with something else…. like scrubbing carpets, or writing witty but unrealistic stories. *laughs* Okay. So I fill my hours with that kind of stuff, and yeah, it is because i’m pathetic…

don’t TRY to talk me out of it… i am, pathetic that is, i’m brooding over *shakes her head* I’m brooding because Red is in a relationship, and i’m not. Beyond that, I don’t have any DESIRE for her relationship (ie the guy she’s with) but i want one of my own.

Like i’m going to find it in my parents basement. Right. *spaces off* I just want to live– and my quality of living my life isnt’ school or writing. I know what i want.

But see, I’m not lucky. I don’t know what it is that all the other girls from my school have (or at least a good portion of them) that I dont’. The capability to have a relationship that lasts… Like my friend Bob, she and her boyfriend (Yes, her name is Bob, we call her that… her name is TOO popular to call her by it.) have gone out two years now. It’s maddening. My Friend Scarlett and her boyfriend have been going out for three…. *sighs* And I score the record high with nine months. And he didn’t even take me on a date.

Jerk…. *sighs* I’m pathetic.

Derringer Meryl [never look back] Out