Undone

Whoa. I mean WHOA.

Ever feel like you’re the old lady on the road of life? Like everyone else is zooming by while you’re stuck trying to figure out what the hell classes to take for your freshmen year in college even though you have to be registered and going by next week.

i worry. I worry a lot. I’m going in the slow lane and people are zipping past me like crazy and I can’t do anything to control what’s going on in my life. Cause just like high school, i have to go to college no matter if i want to or not. It’s not so much that i don’t want to go and learn, i just don’t know what i want to learn, or when or why, or anything.

and things happen to people. Crazy things, with sharp implements, and … happy things with other people that they care about… and unhappy things, scary and just plain life shattering things.

and I sit here, with my car stalled on the side of the road. Watching all these people I care about, get into accidents, and get married and … move and go to college and … all of this stuff, just great and horrid stuff, that changes them for the btter, and makes them learn and grow, and i’m stuck

I dont’ know why i’m stuck at the side of the road. I do things, I try to go to college, and i try to be social, but even when i’m there, it feels liek i’m watching. I’m waiting for an accident, or a happy thing, so i can help, and be happy with them, or cry with them, it’s like my life, is their life.

I live vicariously through my friends?

*sighs* Damn. I am the old person in the slow lane. I’ve aged like… twenty years, and i’ve missed all the fun stuff in life. Like… getting married and having kids, and …. growing up with someone I love.

Tomorrow my friends and I are having a little Bon Voyage Party, because everyone starts to leave for their own colleges this week, and i’m like the Xander of the group… i just sorta drift now. I’ll always be there, but i’m not doing much, not making much out of my life… But steady.

I dont’ know how to explain it without sounding like an after school special.

Life gets too complicated, too quickly. I thought i had it bad when I didn’t know what to do with Monkey sometimes…. how to act and what not,

i have friends aching for something that small to be their crisis. My Friend checked her Boyfriend into the psych ward, and his mom’s gone berserk.

I’m so amazed. And speechless. And proud. She’s had to grow up really quick recently. I’m so happy to see her… growing in ways i didn’t think she would ever have to.

What a day. and it’s about to start all over again.

Amazing

Derringer Meryl [and he walked away] Out