Undone

Hey —

Well I worked tonight. And I can say, that I truely love my job…. BUT

Tonight was the worst, I think ever.

I’m a little over emotional right now, I know that. But I’ve always hated being compared to my old boss (Alright, we’ll call her …. Tangent) She was really pretty. I admit it. All the guys were drawn to her. I feel like the ugly little sister. Like Now that she’s gone, that they need to replace her, so they don’t have to look at me.

I don’t know why they would want to look at me. I”m not the prettiest thing– but I didn’t think I was that bad. Really. I don’t think that I belong in magazines– Or anything like that– but I didn’t think– Maybe that’s it

I didn’t think.

Anyway. I’m off to drown my sorrows in — rice cakes. or something. I’ve had enough of it all. For the first time in a long time I thought about cutting myself up in the middle of my store. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the thought, or the idea, or anything. But I wanted to. Right then and there I wanted to cut myself up so they could see…. see what they were doing to me. They can’t see because I hold it all in until I come home, and I cry– and it hurts. But–

Someday they’ll know what their words did to me. I don’t know how, or why– but they’ll know that it hurt. That I knew I wasn’t as pretty as Tangent– but–

I was pretty enough for them.

Derringer Meryl [Down in the] Out