Undone

To post this again. I feel like It screams a sort of forgiveness that is important to remember. To remember for our family, our friends, everyone.

Hate Me, Blue October

It’s easy to give up on people. It’s easy to say “I can’t do this anymore” and walk away. I hear this song from his mother’s point of view. Which you may not hear her at the beginning of the song, but the following message was left for the main singer by his mother… “Hi Justin! This is your mother. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. See ya! Bye Bye!” Isn’t that like a mom? Even though her son was sick, and he was often hurtful towards her, and self destructive…. she put herself out there. To love him anyway. I feel like I keep repeating myself with this blog sometimes. especially in relation to this song… I wish i could echo any of it’s sentiments accurately.

I know my mom is like his mom. I hope I can be like that too. I know in some small ways I am. I know my mom made sure I took my medicine, made sure I got the help I needed. I know she cried with me (still does) when I feel like I’m breaking apart. I know my mom is there for me. I hope I can be as great as she is. As supportive, as loving.
Derringer Meryl

Being a girl myself, I relate (now being a mom twice over) really well to my mom. No offense to my dad, who is great in his own right, I don’t want this blog to sound like my mom is great and my dad didn’t do anything… It’s just that myself, I find myself learning a lot about my mom through being a mom myself. I will always be a parent, but I will never ever be a dad. I just thought I would cushion what I’m about to say– just because I know my dad is awesome too– I just find myself with an increasing respect for my mother.

I had my second daughter a week or so ago. We were in the hospital for a while, my parents (ever so greatly!) took care of Katie for us, and I came home and my mom stayed with us. She made sure we ate well, and often, and that I got water and relaxed. She made sure that Katie got attention, and that I got sleep. I’m sure it wasn’t SUPER de duper fun for her, but I know she did it because she loves me. The way I love my kids. 🙂 And now she’s watching Katie for me at her house (again, both her and my dad) because I still can’t lift her, and snuggle her like I want to… she’s dying for attention and to go outside. Which I can’t do because A) I’m exhausted and B)I don’t want to be mauled by our dog who is just the right size to jump up and hit me in my incision. Ow.

In any case, my mom (as I mentioned at the hospital) is a self sacrificing person. I love her for that. I love her for loving my daughter… I love her for loving me 🙂 Even when I’m not so lovable.

Derringer Meryl [Mom Love] Out