Undone

Looking back on yesterday, i realize I should probably wait later in the day to write my entries…. but then I’d loose some of the intricacies of what goes on through out the day, ya know?

I went to sleep with my Bunny Bear last night. I think I’m reverting back into some childlike state when Scott’s not around.

I have a test in my Legal Secretary class today. it’s midterm (HUZZAH! Only alittle while longer and i’m FREE!) I know that makes me sound Like I hate school. I don’t hate the actual learning … I love that. I just hate the waking up and the driving (which sounds insane, it isn’t that far) and then attempting to find a parking place– the stairs, and sometimes I really dislike the other students…. so yeah, I’d probably do better when I’m not around those things– but I have to be. So I am.

Alright– I’m going to focus my energy into staying awake now– sans caffiene.

Derringer Meryl [Toodles] Out

Work is slowly becoming more of a task each day. I used to LOVE going to work, and now, now i dread going because all anyone can focus on is how quickly I”m getting married and how little I know Scott. Monkey says he’s quiet. (I beg to differ, we talk alot, it’s just not around him.) One of Guts’ friends says I should wait a year. I told him to stuff it. The mouth played a quick game of “Call everyone who Meryl knows in the company and tell them she’s getting married” and …. i was just… tired.

it was like the whole night just drained me. Monkey came in and I practically screamed at him. Or at least It felt that way to me. I asked him if was going to join in on the game of “Rag on Meryl’s idea to get married.”

I am so drained every day when I work. I envy Scott. His workers are so happy for us. I wish mine were too. Guts is, and so is Gert. J-bob and Marco… Blah.

Derringer Meryl [Time To Eat] Out

Still at school. Wondering what to do. I have nothing to do because Dax is in class, I’m thinking about going and buying a notebook (i have to buy something… cause i said so. Heh) to start my “planning a wedding” journal. Which my mom suggested and Scott agreed that it would be a good idea.

Like I said, I was reading that blasted magazine and it says to me “You are supposed to buy a present for the groom…” and I’m all, “WHAT? Cheeze and rice, I don’t know anything” (Which isn’t an unusual thought, especially with being in school and all.) I just sorta think about it alot.

i was in class today and I talked to my stress management teacher, who i say has to be one of the nicest people in the world. she can turn anything from a negative into a positive. Which I happen to find one of the most useful talents ever. 🙂 I’m trying to implement it into my life, which she said is totally possible (see the positive ness?) I told her that I don’t feel like eating anymore (I just don’t. I feel like i’ve eaten a 24 course meal all the time) and she says “Are you in love?” and I blush, with a tiny Sakura face, and say “Yes, i am.” She grins and tells me that when you fall in love that you tend to lose weight because you stop eating. Also there’s a hormone emitted in your body that makes you feel full all the time. I told her that I had still felt full when I started to shake and my hands were unsteady. She said that i should eat sometimes even when i don’t feel like eating.

Now this may sound like common sense to everyone else, but I’m a firm believer in “If I’m not hungry, why should I eat?” so this thought sorta hit me, and I know that I should eat more than I do now. Heh.

I was in the car with Scott the other day, and we were listening to one of my CD’s (he was shocked (?right word?) that i liked eighties music too) and I put on this song. It was “Fly Me to the Moon – Asuka Bossa Techno” version of the ending to Evangelion. I love Evangelion. What can I say? Asuka’s version is SOOO fitting for us anyway. *looks around* I started humming it the other day while I was thinking of Scott, just randomly, thus I brought out the only CD I have it on. I think I lost the MP3 of it, so i’ve been scouring the net for it, but have yet to have found the exact same version. (I”m sure you’re thinking “Just rip it from your CD, duh!” and if i knew how, I would.) Anyway, it’s a great song. I’m gonna lyric spew it, and then scamper off to find me a new notebook. Just the right size. 😉

Fly me to the Moon, Various Artists

Fly me to the moon,

And let me play among the stars.

Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.

In other words, hold my hand!

In other words, darling, kiss me.

Fill my heart with song,

and let me sing forever more.

You are all I long for, all I worship and adore.

In other words, please be true!

In other words, I love you!

Derringer Meryl [Off I go] Out

*rubs her eyes awake* I am awake!! Quick run down of the weekend. I stayed over at Mandarin’s house and went to Church with Scott. I know there were fifteen billion other intricacies, but this is what happens when I don’t get to blog my immediate impressions. *sighs*

I met another couple of new friends of Scott’s. One married couple, and one not married girl. *rolls her eyes at herself* Another bad flaw of mine, immediate Jealousy. Blah. If it isn’t because all of these wonderful people got to know and grow up with Scott– it’s for other reasons. I’m not really willing to shed light on. It’s not hard to pop me back out of Jealous mode though, especially not with Scott. No Siree. I just look him in the eyes and think to myself “You’re gonna marry him. And you love him SOOOO much. He loves you too. Remember?” and then I do. Then I’m alright.

We played a few games. I seem to have caught a permanent chill though *is currently shaking like a leaf* which could be bad.I liked the games, and I’m sure I could get better at them over time. I’m not great at all the games I play, but normally I play. I refused double dash because they were playing in teams, and I have only played VS and so I didn’t want to screw any one up. They played Dance dance, which Scott and I sucked at together, *smiles*

The next day Scott and i went to his family’s ward. It was nice. I have to admit they all seemed much nicer than my ward. Not that my ward is bad, they just can be really aloof sometimes. After Church we went and had some lunch, which was good, because at that point i had been fasting for over 24 hours (fasting, not eating…. whatever. I swear I’m not anorexic, and if you could see me, you’d know that it was true.) so I was feeling pretty ill. I considered asking Scott to take me home early from Church, but after our first meeting he reminded me that we needed to go visit Shelly and Ty. So I was alright. I just sorta… ignored my body. We went and met his friends. And then we headed back out to my house, where we had a few pictures taken. Not all of them are the most flattering of me, but Scott looks pretty dang cute in all of them 🙂 Very foxy. We went down and walked around temple Square. Sat in front of the Christus for two and a half english sessions, one spanish, and two German. I think the first German one wasn’t loud enough, so they played it again. Heh. Anyway. I love sitting there. I’ve never been inside (the actual inside, waiting rooms don’t really count) the Salt Lake Temple, and only in the Jordan River Temple once. But the Christus is one of my favorite places to go. I hadn’t been in so long. *sighs*

we came back and watched A Walk to Remember and had additional commentary from Dax. I couldn’t really kick him out of the common space basement, especially since he was there first, and he was doing homework. So I just tried to deal with it. Like Scott says, we had a tickle fight, but I lost, just like he says. I blame it on poor muscle tone and small hands on my part. *nods, then shifty eyes* And maybe I wanted to lose, that’s up to you to figure out. 😀

Anyway, i have schoolage, and what not. I’m exhausted from the weekend, so I’m going to go catch up on a few more z’s. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Not So lonely Nights] Out

I just got done reading one of my Bridal Magazines. Some of it was helpful. Some of it was junk, and some of it was just plain mind blowing. I guess it takes being on this side of getting married (not the “Im watching you, but I don’t understand what’s going on side” but the “I’m the one actually doing it” side) to feel this stressed.

I wanted to stay on at GS until the semester is over so I could stay with a PT job until then. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do that. I just looked through the list of everything that needs to be planned, and … wow. Florists and tuxes and cakes and… *gasps for air* I think the magazine is going for a more complicated wedding than I was planning in my brain. *shakes her head* Blah.

The more I read, the more I really don’t want a reception. Heh. Or at least don’t want to plan it. I’m one of those “I’ll think about it later” people (I suffer from Scarlett Syndrome) and so I flip through the magazine, and just go “I can’t be worrying about all this right now. I have school!” *raises her fist in a victory pose* I will do both. Other girls can do both. So can I. *nods* I’m gonna do it, and I’m gonna succeed.

and Now– I’m gonna go to work. Maybe someday they’ll give me a raise.

heh.

Derringer Meryl [Wow. Eye opening] Out