Undone

Apparently Scott was so tired last night (I would not doubt it. The tiredness sorta hit us all at once) he didn’t get to post about our fun night. 🙂

First we decided (or I decided, and I told Scott it would be a good idea) to ditch out on Spycraft. I was really tired, and I didn’t want to spend time with my siblings and the great chance there was of them embarrassing me. Not to mention they started at Seven, and Scott didn’t get here until nearly ten. So — whatever. I’m sure they digressed into watching SpongeBob by then.

Anyway, we went to go see Starsky and Hutch instead. Can I say Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson ROCK!? They’re a great comedy duo. Absolutely hilarious. Of course there was the obligatory oggle women and what not. C’mon, it’s a show based in the Seventies. It’s unnecessary, sure, but it makes the film more real to the seventies. *shrugs* At least I know Scott found them as stupid as I did. Also, Will Ferral was freaking awesome. H’es so hillarious. We had Ice Cream to eat during the film, which I probably shouldn’t have had. Being lactose intolerant and all. But it looked really good, and I don’t always feel too bad after eating some… and … well… *shrugs* anyway.

After the movie, Scott took me downtown (a good distance from the movie theater we were at.) and up on a hill to over see the city and look at the lights. It wasn’t too cold outside, but I began to shiver. (stupid body) I was really excited because I thought maybe it was the surprise proposal, but then I remembered that the ring was still being sized and that there were a few other complications too. So I tossed that out of my brain rather fast. Still, it was a very nice view, I wish we could have stayed longer, but once again, the shivers took over and Scott said he didn’t want me getting sick. (Which is sweet. I don’t get sick from the cold, just stupid things I should know better than to do) It was getting pretty late at this point, so we got in the car and he took me home.

So that’s the recap. I could go into mushy stuffs and what not, but I just remembered that i have work today, and my mom wants me to go and shop for something with her– and…

Oh what the heck.

it feels so right being around Scott. I feel right, the world feels right… Sometimes I feel a little silly because he says all these sweet things to me, and I just get so dumbfounded, I dont’ know what to say back. I have so many things buzzing around in my brain, to say, to suggest, to compliment, and– it just stays there, because I can’t do anything to get it out. It’s so frustrating sometimes. That’s why I’m grateful that I ahve this to write in. Sometimes I can say the things here to Scott that I can’t verbalize properly. For being on the debate team, I sure have a lack of vocabulary and quick tongue. I’m not very clever, but … I know Scott loves me. And he knows that I love him, even though i say it in my little voice.

Derringer Meryl [Going to Fly A Kite, I guess] Out

A couple of fiascos today.

Last night my mom and I finally went out and got the material for the blouses for the bridesmaids. It’s just plain red, so no worries on that front, sorta. I’m not gonna scan it in, but we’re certainly hemming and hawing on whether it matches or not. *sighs* Sometimes it does. It looks really great together, and other times I can hear the people coming to my wedding reception whispering “What the hell was she thinking?” While this is a regular occurrence at most weddings considering the grossness of most bridesmaid dresses– And what not, I’m just really hoping it works out. I don’t want them to say “I hate you so much for making me wear this Meryl.” I didn’t hate my bridesmaid dresses. I didn’t. Now i’m looking at what i’ve put out almost two paychecks for, and wondering what in Heaven’s name is going on in my brain.

All I know is that this wedding feels far enough away to drive me insane, but close enough to taunt me. I know what Scott means about wishing that going home meant to him, and not from him. Though I admit, I do make Scott spend a lot of time up here with me. That’s one thing i’ve disliked about my sibs and their significant others. Usually they take them away and bring them back once in forever. (no Offense to any of them, it’s just nice to hang out with them once in a while) So I’m starting to feel a little guilty in how much Scott time I’m honestly monopolizing. I love being with Scott, I’m just wondering how much of an annoyance i’ve become to his family.

Also I’ve gained a new appreciation for my sister-in-laws. It’s really hard gaining a new family. Especially for me, I tend to be very shy, and very “Hide behind Scott” ish. I’m a quiet person by nature– it’s very rare to get me into talk mode, and then once i’m there, i usually stay there for a good while. It’s a note of how comfortable I feel with Scott’s friends as I can talk with them freely without Scott around. I was even shocked at how easily I seemed to fit in and feel comfortable. I really REALLY want to spend time with Scott’s sisters, I just have this horrible life where everyone screams at me to pay attention to them. I’m thinking I’m going to clear April third off, ask them to clear April Third, and then me, Care Bear and Scott’s sisters can all go hang out and do something. I don’t know what, but I have all these new people in my life, and I seriously need to make an effort to get to know them.

as a disclaimer though, I’m not trying to replace anyone. Being the little sister in family of several married sibs, I know how much I want(ed) my sister in laws to think I was cool, and want to go do things with me, and have things in common. I’m just trying to do that. Trying to include as many people as possible, and trying to offend as few of them as possible. I have that talent though. Pissing people off. *nods* I wish I hadn’t practiced so much as a child.

It’s odd, I was never a very social person, but I always wished I was. Now it seems like everyone wants me to pay attention to them, and I don’t know how. I don’t know how to function in a lot of social instances, or maybe i used to, and i’m just really feigning ignorance. I’m not sure. If I am, I’m even convincing myself. I’m just really– not sure. I know it’ll take a lot of work, but I know i’d like to fix a few things too. I feel scattered, and lost… and just frazzled. I don’t know how to get married. I don’t know how to plan, and honestly if it was possible to do in the LDS faith, I’d so elope. Not that i don’t love all of this stuff (is eating her foot again) I’m just…. all over the place. trying to keep in touch with people and trying to put this wedding together nicely enough that people don’t shudder in fear when they enter into the reception area.

And I sorta just feel like sleeping (which I’ll probably be doing in a few minutes.)

Derringer Meryl [Scott Withdrawl] Out

I love freaking out my siblings. 🙂 It’s such great payback for the various things they’ve done over the years. Now– I’m sorry that people like Sukie get caught in the crossfire– but *shrugs* all is fair in love and war, right?

I’m not going to censor myself to the point where I can’t write in here anymore. That’s silly. I’m not forcing anyone to read this. I write Bold warnings and what not for a reason. I know not everyone in the world wants to delve into my personal life, especially not my siblings.

Squeeeeeeeee!

Okay, I think i’m done now. I’m going to go get Scott’s sisters and go to hang out at the local fabric stores– and what not. *nods* So yeah, and stuff.

Derringer Meryl [Got any of dem taquitos] Out

Warning: If you are a sibling of mine, or otherwise weak of stomach please stay away from the stupidity of this entry. As a disclaimer though, if you enjoy laughing at the innocent-ness of me, please, continue

With that out of the way– I can say this….

I don’t know how to kiss. *blinks* To be honest before Scott I kissed one guy, once. And it sucked. Bunches. We were in the middle of playing a video game, and he just randomly kissed me. *raises her hand to the square* I swear to you this. I figure since I didn’t feel anything (nada, I could have been kissing my grandma for all I felt romantically) I stuck it off as a stolen kiss, and not really my first kiss. In anycase.

People at work laugh at me a lot (Mouth and Artemis) because of my innocence. Yes, it is ridiculous that I didn’t get kissed before i turned 19. (I’m more than a little thankful, actually) I’m sure Scott would say it just makes me cuter, and maybe it does.

All I know, is that I suck. All I’ve learned about kissing I learned on Buffy sixth season and everyone who has played enough Chaos Bleeds knows that Stage kissing is not at ALL like real kissing. It’s all about where your head is, and if you’re in their light, and according to James Marsters, it’s often like kissing your sibling. Definately not what i’m striving for. Nope. Nuh-uh.

So I’m sitting here, I have a cut on my lip, I’m sorta wondering where it came from. I certainly didn’t put it there.

And the thought occurs to me– that I want to remember most everything about tonight forever. I want to remember the silly argument that Scott and I had (it wasn’t really an argument, it was a “You’re cuter”, “no, you’re cuter” kind of thing.) and I want to remember all the wonderful advice he gave me about Red, and how to sort things out. Even now i can feel my brain leaking vital information about tonight into the oblivion of nothingness. I’m a stickler for details. I want to experience a lot, and remember a lot. I want to be able to tell my kids when they’re little about the time I actually beat their dad at magic. All the little jokes he makes.

I wish I could remember it all.

Derringer Meryl [Frustrated with Memories] Out

Hurrah for spring break, that’s what I have to say. Because of Spring break, i got to spend nearly my entire day with Scott. *beams* So– we went to the mall– originally in the thought to go look at wedding rings for Scott. (as in the one he’ll wear for to keep the girls from mauling him :)) Well, the guy that i know at the jeweler in the mall didn’t work yesterday (or today, what a lazy bum) He’s a really nice guy. *waves her bucket o stuff* I have his card, but I got it when he worked at another location (downtown instead of in the ghetto like he does now…) we went to see Marcus. Scott found out that Worms 3D came out, and now wants that really badly. (I also informed him later that Metal Gear Solid Twin Snakes came out too. Luckily it’s not as expensive of a game– it’s only $39.99, which really isn’t bad for a new game)

After that, I took Scott to meet J-bob (former co-worker) and found him in a rotten mood. (he seems to always be in one lately) So we left before saying goodbye. Psh. I admit it, J-bob used to be one of my best friends. I told him lots. Though< I told Marco more, I told Friendjamin a lot too… But I don’t know. J-bob used to tell me all sorts of neat stories. I felt a really neat connection. we had a lot in common. 🙂 Who knows where that all went. In the garbage when I left. Bah. Who cares.

I had to go to work last night, so Scott stayed at home and played Magic with Dax. I got confronted with the “You’re changing” discussion. I think it’s more of a mood i was in than a permanent change. I understood what the Mouth was saying, and I understood what he meant by me being different around Scott. I am. I’m much happier. I’m a different person now too– Change happens. Happens to everyone. I usually hate change, but this isn’t so bad. 🙂 Not bad at all. The mouth said I was much…. more… snooty I think is the best word I can think of for it.

I don’t know. I just didn’t find the uber metalic armor as funny as he and Guts did. I was sorta in a funk. I don’t know. Maybe my brain wasn’t in the right place to find it so funny. Scott doesn’t get to see it (luckily) but I tend to get a little grouchy when he’s not around. It’s not charming. It’s me all stressed out. Maybe it’s some sort of addiction. Blah. *gets a bad feeling, like after kicking a puppy* I wonder if that’s a bad thing…. *uneasy face*

Well, now i’m aware, I guess I can work on it. I don’t want to get rid of the addiction, I just need to control my actions when Scott’s not around, so I don’t become some sort of uber beyatch.

Derringer Meryl [I loves you Piggies] Out