Undone

I decided to update even though it’s extremely early…

Or late, depending on if you’re neg or pos.

I Hate Tension. I hope people who go and cause problems on purpose burst into firey flames. [So discriptive] I can’t tell you how many times something like religious differences have made a big problem. And for the stupidest reasons. I hate that. I hate that people cause problems when they can just keep their mouth shut and go with it.

Take for example:

Saying “under God” In the pledge I’d like you to take into consideration that millions of people everday mouth it, the WHOLE pledge, because they’re lazy, crap. Take the entire teenage population… There’s a great point. And PULEAZE! You got kids killing other kids, and drugs and Babies being born to crack whores… do you really think mouthing “under God” is such a friggin’ big deal?

You kid has a problem? Tell them to suck it up, builds character.

Sound mean? Probably is, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told to suck it up because it’s life. and it is. I can’t go and make everyone in the world do something like I want it, therefore in turn they can’t make ME do what THEY want. If it gets taken out, I’ll fetchin’ do it anyway. Because for me, this Nation is UNDER GOD. Sue me. Go ahead. It’s me

Sue me for the way my mind thinks, and the way I believe. You’re just stepping back in time to Nazi Germany.

One day in class my teacher asked if I would die before killing someone. I said yes without even hesitating. She said “What if I was Hitler and demanded the location of some missing Jews, and you knew where they were. I had a gun to your head…” I shook my head at her and said “It’s not my place to choose who lives or dies, just like it isn’t yours. If I die holding up my morals, at least i know i’ll go someplace good.”

It’s the truth. I’d rather die than give up on something I believe passionately in. I believe that everyone should be able to worship as they please.

I do not condone the actions of religious Zealots who have become exactly what they are fighting against…. It’s insane.

My theory on the whole thing is:

“Do what you want, it’s your life… but the minute your decisions effect someone else, you have to take that into consideration, and always remember that you are NOT more important than anyone else on this earth”

Does that mean a crack addict should get a ride on life raft just as much as Bill Gates?

HELL YES!

We aren’t allowed to make decisions on who lives or dies because of their place on the social statusphere. It’s not up to us.

Taking “Under God” Out of the pledge– could effect many people in a negitive way– It could have endless repercussions–

That doesn’t matter though, because someone doesn’t like it….

A little theory called “The greater Good”

Sometimes you have to let things go for the larger amount of people. Pick your fights.

I had a little bit of a bad day.

Oh– well it was a really bad day.

My tarot didn’t read out well, and my horoscope screwed me, but all is fair in–

the paranormal?

Maybe i just vest too much faith in them? Not that I believe that they are right, cause on the fourth of July it said I’d get some romance vibes, and I totally didn’t, so I really don’t. Now I just do it for fun.

Really.

I had a long day at work at which I got chewed out, and HE didn’t even stand up for me, [lamely] Oh my Hero [/lamely] i mean really how hard is it to just say “Hey, she’s been doing better, I think you should lay off.” Not too hard, no major risks in doing such, so — so what? So I don’t understand why he didn’t do it.

And you don’t seem to understand

A shame you seemed an honest man

And all the fears you hold so dear

Will turn to whisper in your ear

And you know what they say might hurt you

And you know that it means so much

And you don’t even feel a thing

*sighs* I don’t know what to do [Btw:Lain: Duvet Seen above] about love and everything. I feel sentenced to a never ending heck of singleness

My own fault, I’m sure. *frowns* Oh I entered a new feature, copyright Imood.com. It shows my mood as of currently. [I update daily, sometimes when I don’t even update here.] It’ll tell you a brief smidgen of how i’m feeling. usually a little poem, or something like that.

I love my little faces I can put down there, and they have like a gazillion different smiles and moods to choose from.

I think I just need a white dot for me. I feel like a white dot.

^_^;; I have to work with HIM tomorrow.

Derringer Meryl [Help me to breathe] Out

Finally finished the second season of Buffy.

You don’t know the joy it gives me. *smiles*

Uneasiness settles over me though. I haven’t been feeling the best ever, I have writers block and I am unsure of what is going wrong with — well me.

Who knows… any takers.

No? Oh, well that doesn’t shock me much

The winter here is cold and bitter….. I claw for solid ground

am saddened suddenly– very suddenly. Maybe I should go and sleep… sleeping is good. I enjoy doing that… very much so.

I got new songs– So you’ll see them spotting throughout my new entries… I happen to adore new music, and even some old music that I’m introduced to —

Like Sarah McLaughlin’s Full of Grace Pretty song, pretty words…

Also I have new Anthony Stewart Head songs, well they’re new to me, I have no idea how old they actually are…

James Marsters sings in one of the songs I got. I love that. He’s such a good singer too. He plays guitar and a little bass apparently. I’m amazed since I can’t even play the piano, or the Violin.

*kicks musical instruments* I’m just no good at them.

Derringer Meryl [And you just don’t seem to understand] Out

thought i’d post more about my fourth, cause in long and short– it was odd.

I did go to the BBQ. it was great, I met new people. they were…. more my ‘age’ if that makes sense, since the lot of them were older than me, but they acted with maturity and immaturity, so it balanced, like me.

Bummer I left (now i know) three hours before the party was over. I got to watch some of the fire works. It was nice, because I got to hang out with all of these new people.

(Oh the lameness) My parents, yes both of them, came and picked me up from the party, in our white minivan, known affectionately as the BMW. (Big-Mormon-Wagon) I left and waved bye to all the new people I met, and my shirt (as it was a little short) showed my stomach. sue me, I dress like a hoochie when I’m around certain people.

Well that flipped my Dad’s lid, and I got a talkin’ to on the way home. I did not enjoy this. He ended up walking home since he got out of the car and insisted that he walk.

At that time it was fine by me.

I wanted to get out too, go to Wyoming, where my best friend lives, or just run and hide somewhere. I thought about where I could go when things sucked it a lot….

I realized that there weren’t many places I could go.

That scared me. I thought about going back to HIS house. That was out. Total impose-ment.

I thought where I could go if my dad had the next day off of work (ie Friday) The only solution:

Work

I know it seems odd, but i realize now, and then, that work is the only haven i have from this harsh world. While that seems odd because work is normally the place where you get a harsh dose of reality, i feel my safest there, and I love being there.

I don’t know what i’m going to do when I get transferred.

Probably Cry

No doubt.

But as luck would have it, Dad had work the next day. I woke up for my bike ride, and then slept till two-ish.

For the first time I had double bags under my eyes.

My mom pointed out to me that most girls wouldn’t be proud of that. I say bah, bags are nothing…. it was the squelching headache that killed me.

I went into work, for a minute or two, to get my check. I thanked *HIM* for inviting me to the party, cause I was grateful, my family played chicken foot (dominoes) all night. It was, to say the least, less than exciting. I showed them my double bags under my eyes…. I didn’t tell them that I got them from crying, I’ll tell them later, when my mom isn’t around.

I didn’t have to hide out all day, but I know that hanging out there, is my favorite thing to do.

Odd ne?

Oh, and if *HIM* or You, since I’m addressing *HIM* directly– well if you come here, stumble upon it in some sort of — well accident….

tell me something… say something. say “pancakes taste good by gardenias” for all I care– just say something.

Derringer Meryl [Devil in Desguise] Out

Well I went to the barbecue

I enjoyed it… But I think it finally cured me of my crush…

Sure I still like HIM and all, he’s a great guy..

Very cute, Very funny, we still get along

But I realize now that I was deluded, and I can’t give something that I love so much up, just for a guy. (IE my religion) I don’t expect a guy to give it up for me. I understand that now

I’ll still like him.

But I think I’ll find someone else to crush on for now.

Derringer Meryl [Killing me Softly]