Undone

thought i’d post more about my fourth, cause in long and short– it was odd.

I did go to the BBQ. it was great, I met new people. they were…. more my ‘age’ if that makes sense, since the lot of them were older than me, but they acted with maturity and immaturity, so it balanced, like me.

Bummer I left (now i know) three hours before the party was over. I got to watch some of the fire works. It was nice, because I got to hang out with all of these new people.

(Oh the lameness) My parents, yes both of them, came and picked me up from the party, in our white minivan, known affectionately as the BMW. (Big-Mormon-Wagon) I left and waved bye to all the new people I met, and my shirt (as it was a little short) showed my stomach. sue me, I dress like a hoochie when I’m around certain people.

Well that flipped my Dad’s lid, and I got a talkin’ to on the way home. I did not enjoy this. He ended up walking home since he got out of the car and insisted that he walk.

At that time it was fine by me.

I wanted to get out too, go to Wyoming, where my best friend lives, or just run and hide somewhere. I thought about where I could go when things sucked it a lot….

I realized that there weren’t many places I could go.

That scared me. I thought about going back to HIS house. That was out. Total impose-ment.

I thought where I could go if my dad had the next day off of work (ie Friday) The only solution:

Work

I know it seems odd, but i realize now, and then, that work is the only haven i have from this harsh world. While that seems odd because work is normally the place where you get a harsh dose of reality, i feel my safest there, and I love being there.

I don’t know what i’m going to do when I get transferred.

Probably Cry

No doubt.

But as luck would have it, Dad had work the next day. I woke up for my bike ride, and then slept till two-ish.

For the first time I had double bags under my eyes.

My mom pointed out to me that most girls wouldn’t be proud of that. I say bah, bags are nothing…. it was the squelching headache that killed me.

I went into work, for a minute or two, to get my check. I thanked *HIM* for inviting me to the party, cause I was grateful, my family played chicken foot (dominoes) all night. It was, to say the least, less than exciting. I showed them my double bags under my eyes…. I didn’t tell them that I got them from crying, I’ll tell them later, when my mom isn’t around.

I didn’t have to hide out all day, but I know that hanging out there, is my favorite thing to do.

Odd ne?

Oh, and if *HIM* or You, since I’m addressing *HIM* directly– well if you come here, stumble upon it in some sort of — well accident….

tell me something… say something. say “pancakes taste good by gardenias” for all I care– just say something.

Derringer Meryl [Devil in Desguise] Out