Undone

I thought i’d get off my lazy butt and begin my new week of Blogging, sooner better than later, right?

Whatever. I’m trying to be better. I started making my Christmas cards today. 🙂 I think they’re going to turn out fairly well… *shrugs* I really hope they do.

On Wednesday I can start to register for next semester of College. *sighs* I don’t wanna, but i gotsta. Unless someone out there who is reading my blog has a job with great benefits and wages to boot. I guess i can get those after I finish school, right? All I know is that I would be a lot closer to school if i lived more Southernly than I do. *shrugs* I know people there willing to let me shack up with them, but then, it’s really far to work…. *sighs* Unless I got transferred, and God Knows I wouldn’t mind that. 🙂 But I keep figuring that moving stores wouldn’t be the best idea, because i’ll just keep finding new reasons not to date Gert. I’m a chicken. I’m a scaredy cat. … i’m everything like that. 🙂 I know it, i admit to it, and admitting the problem is the first step, right?

Not really, but we can pretend.

I’m one of those people who you have to coax out of their shell. It’s annoying to some people, but honestly, once i know someone, i’m fairly open about how i feel about things. I have to wonder sometimes why I don’t. Why i’m so shy. But I was thinking about it… I was a very hypersensitive kid. I never wore a pair of jeans until i was fourteen, i kid you not. I didn’t like the way they felt against my skin. I didn’t like to be touched, unless i was the one who was starting the touching… like i LOVED to hug, but only when i was the one who started the hug. … i think that explains it a little better…. I didn’t like revealing clothes for a long time, I think my parents were relieved by that…. now days I can’t get enough of showing skin. I don’t dress like a slut, but i have to admit, I show more skin than a lot of LDS girls. *shrugs* It’s not a habit, my temperature fluctuates like crazy, so you’ll see me with a tank top and a sweater on over it…. That’s what i’m wearing currently… heh.

I was a social butterfly, yet i had no friends. I talked to people, ya know? I was friendly and kind, I still am, but I couldn’t say that someone knew all of my deepest secrets. Now days, only three people do, maybe four or five, depending on the deepness and the darkness of the secret. *laughs* People were constantly telling me things, confiding in me, and letting me carry their burdens. Shameful things, things that I had never heard of before. They still do it. I know how it is. You did something, and you have to tell someone, anyone to ease the pressure you feel, and so you tell a friend, and then THEY have the burden. Heh. Isn’t it nice. That’s why a spouse who has been unfaithful tells their significant other, to ease the pain…

Their own private torture. Heh. I deal with my pain, with my penance. It’s something everyone has to do. Deal with the problems in yourlife. I guess my journal is one of the ways i find relief. I’m not PUSHING my burden onto someone, i’m just sorta… sending it out into thin air. *laughs* Or cyber space, what ever. Someone can read it, or it can just sit there and rot, no one knows either way…. *sighs* but then it’s not on my shoulders. Right?

I’ve decided that romance stories (Movies or Fictional Novels) are degrading the social standard. No one canbe like that. Pretty and slim, and sexy, or romantic and dashing. Everyone has those days where you wake up and you jsut don’t feel like getting all pretty, and you feel fat and ugly and no amount of cute clothes or make up can make you feel any different. It’s just the way you feel. *nods* and i have yet to meet a guy who was dashing and romantic who wasn’t already been yearned after by fifty other girls.

Heh. I think I’d like to add something to my list for Christmas, you can say that it’s for my birthday, ok? I’d like One Meaningful Relationship no hassle, no ruckus, nothin’ …. Just something simple and nice.

Derringer Meryl [Staring at the Sun] Out

Halo…. Work….. Halo…. Work…..

Okay it’s absolutely true. I’d rather be playing halo than dealing with the huddled masses. *makes a face* Especially the after thanksgiving huddled masses. *frowns*

Hopefully the people around the house will let me play Halo with them when i get home from work. *sighs* Anyway, i don’t want to be a yucky bum when i get to work, so that means a shower is in order. *sighs* I’m still just so tired.

Quick someone turn the clock back an hour!!

Derringer Meryl [AMV Queeen] Out

DUETS, are so charming. 🙂 Someday, i’d like to sing this song with someone… *sighs dreamily*

Baby It’s Cold Outside, Various Artists

I really can’t stay (But baby it’s cold outside)

I’ve got to go way (Whoa, but it’s cold outside)

This evening has been (In hopin that you’d drop in)

So very nice (I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice)

My mother will start to warn me (Beautiful, what’s your hurry)

My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireside roar)

Well really, I should just scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)

But maybe just to have a drink more (Put a record on while I pour)

The neighbors might say (Oh baby it’s bad out there)

Say what’s in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)

I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)

To break this spell (I’ll take your hand, your hair looks swell)

I ought to say no, no, no, no sir (Mind if I move in closer)

At least I can say that I tried (What’s the sense of hurting my pride)

I really cant stay (Oh baby don’t hold out, oh cos it’s…)

Baby it’s cold outside!!!

Derringer Meryl [Attempting to Delay the Holidays] Out

I thought this song Rocked, and so — it’s Lyric Spewage time 🙂

Love Delicatessen, The Presidents of the United States of America

I feel lowdown and blue

I didn’t have what I wanted

That’s when I saw the sign

Outside the place that promised salvation

I gave the waitress my order

She said it’d be just a minute

(I was lookin’ at the pies)

You know I was hungry

But not for food

At the love delicatessen

Oh yeah

I’ll meet you at the love delicatessen

Oh yeah

Outside the summer sun beat down

On a lusty summer day

Inside the people still had on their shades

They were all in the dark

I heard the bell ring

And my order was up

I could believe the size of the portion

Man my eyes lit up

Here it comes

At the love delicatessen

Oh yeah

I’ll meet you at the love delicatessen

Oh yeah

Mmm.. I think I’ve had my fill

Went to the front counter

To pay the bill

Oh by the way

Give me one of those cherry life savers

And the summer sun beat down

So hard and I was on my way

From the love delicatessen

Love delicatessen

Ill meet you there [x3]

Today

At the love delicatessen

Ok

Ill meet you at the love delicatessen

Oh yeah

Ill meet you at the love delicatessen

Ok

Ill meet you at the love delicatessen

Today

Ill meet you at the love delicatessen

Ok

Derringer Meryl [Happy Birthday Bro] Out

Things are eating away at me. I cna’t say I can think of anything too specific, and if I did, I probably couldn’t say it in here anyway. Gotta protect the innocent, ya know? *nods*

*shrugs* Just things. Dating things, and how inexplicably clueless I am…. Friendship things, and how stupid I am with that…. school and applying …. and… I don’t know. How it’s okay for anyone else in the world to be scared of the opposite sex…. but me. I love that one. I love how it’s normal for every other person but me. *laughs* Oh well. Lets see… i started my christmas list. It’s things I want, but cannot have, like ever. Ya know a list of “I wish” Completely. …. and if you could do these things for me, I’d have you as my husband, in two minutes flat.

Meryl’s Christmas WISH List

1. Five guys like the ones from Queer Eye For the Straight guy. (Gay, Straight, I couldn’t care less, Five complimenting guys around me for a day, i’d feel like a princess)

2. To take Back everything from this summer, and shove it in a rubbermaid container. Memories, emotions, and actions. All of it, stuffed in a container, so I can show my kids I was a &^#$ing moron too.

3. Direction and money to use the direction. I lack it, I need it. More importantly I want it. Of course the minute my life seems to gain something good in it, the good thing flits out the next opening it can. Like a butterfly. I guess life wasn’t meant to be good.

4. An Apartment, no strings attached. (I say what I mean. I don’t want an apartment where I have to sleep with five different men each just to pay for it. I just want a place that isn’t here.)

5. To know why. Everyone needs some closure in my life, and the only bit i’ve got is the fact that in every failed relationship in my life, i’m the only factor that is common.

6. Courage. I’m more cowardly than the Lion. Nuff said.

7. Understanding. To understand that saying NO isn’t hurting someone, and I can’t think of it that way. To understand that mooning over someone who will never think of you THAT way isn’t any way to live. And to understand how to get past it all.

8. My two front teeth… or a car. EIther one. 🙂

9. For One person, anyone, anywhere, to love me as much as I love them.

10. To be able to accurately speak, and be correctly construed. I have a problem with this…. all the time. *laughs*

Fin Wish List

Derringer Meryl [All I want for Christmas Is you] Out