Undone

Things are eating away at me. I cna’t say I can think of anything too specific, and if I did, I probably couldn’t say it in here anyway. Gotta protect the innocent, ya know? *nods*

*shrugs* Just things. Dating things, and how inexplicably clueless I am…. Friendship things, and how stupid I am with that…. school and applying …. and… I don’t know. How it’s okay for anyone else in the world to be scared of the opposite sex…. but me. I love that one. I love how it’s normal for every other person but me. *laughs* Oh well. Lets see… i started my christmas list. It’s things I want, but cannot have, like ever. Ya know a list of “I wish” Completely. …. and if you could do these things for me, I’d have you as my husband, in two minutes flat.

Meryl’s Christmas WISH List

1. Five guys like the ones from Queer Eye For the Straight guy. (Gay, Straight, I couldn’t care less, Five complimenting guys around me for a day, i’d feel like a princess)

2. To take Back everything from this summer, and shove it in a rubbermaid container. Memories, emotions, and actions. All of it, stuffed in a container, so I can show my kids I was a &^#$ing moron too.

3. Direction and money to use the direction. I lack it, I need it. More importantly I want it. Of course the minute my life seems to gain something good in it, the good thing flits out the next opening it can. Like a butterfly. I guess life wasn’t meant to be good.

4. An Apartment, no strings attached. (I say what I mean. I don’t want an apartment where I have to sleep with five different men each just to pay for it. I just want a place that isn’t here.)

5. To know why. Everyone needs some closure in my life, and the only bit i’ve got is the fact that in every failed relationship in my life, i’m the only factor that is common.

6. Courage. I’m more cowardly than the Lion. Nuff said.

7. Understanding. To understand that saying NO isn’t hurting someone, and I can’t think of it that way. To understand that mooning over someone who will never think of you THAT way isn’t any way to live. And to understand how to get past it all.

8. My two front teeth… or a car. EIther one. 🙂

9. For One person, anyone, anywhere, to love me as much as I love them.

10. To be able to accurately speak, and be correctly construed. I have a problem with this…. all the time. *laughs*

Fin Wish List

Derringer Meryl [All I want for Christmas Is you] Out