Undone

Alright you lucky bridesmaids (and Maid of Honor) to be, this is the thing. … I’m an impatient person. It’s pretty insane trying to get Four schedules to fit into a place where we can all go and look at pretty fabrics. So I was out shopping today and found a pretty fabric…. and so– I bought ten yards of it. (that’s thirty feet, and 360 inches, just to break it down for you.) It’s a lot of fabric, pretty heavy, rivaling the weight of an xbox.

Basically, this is the fabric for the skirt. Now…. Before you moan and wail, please consider that I have a bolt (yes an entire bolt) of ugly teal fabric in the back room, no less than ten feet from where I am right now. This is not pretty teal. This is teal that nightmares are made of. I threaten you with that into liking this fabric. The tops will be made red. I hope you like red. You will be wearing red for two nights (One reception the night of, and an open house a week or so later.) I don’t want to go all bridezilla and force you guys into liking it. It has an oriental flare…. Ish– and I’m really not trying to punish you guys– simply allow you to experience my style for a night or two… hee hee.

Now that’s out of the way…. I’d still like to have Scott’s sister’s come and hang out on Friday– maybe we’ll work on the skirts, maybe we’ll leer at Orlando Bloom in Elf attire… Maybe we’ll just sit around and giggle like freaks. I don’t really care. The bridesmaid dresses are really just a ploy so I can get to know you better. 🙂

I remember when my oldest brother got married. I had never had a sister before, and I was really excited. She didn’t take a particular shine to me (we don’t have a lot in common. She doesn’t hate me, we just … don’t really talk much) she was much too busy mooning over my brother. Ick. that annoys me. Now– I admit, i’m moony over Scott, but I don’t think it has to get in the way of how cool I think I am. 😀 (If that made sense to you, i’m happy.) *nods* So, basically, I want to be the great sister-in-law that I have (because the sister in laws I do have *ARE* great!) But i’m going to be alittle different, I can hang out with people Sans Scott. I have confidence in this. Especially since Saturday– where I hung out with Scott’s friends for an hour and a half (I’m guessing here…) and wasn’t feeling awkward the entire time. Some people feel like “I’m only so-in-so’s fiance, no one cares what i think” but I don’t get that vibe from Scott’s friends. I think they’re very eager to meet someone new, genuinely nice and warm friendly people. *nods* I haven’t felt this welcome since I was … like … um… Five I think. Maybe nine or so. *nods* It’s been a while in anycase.

I was driving home from the store, I just remembered this so i thought i’d add it, and I was thinking about how boys can buy girls flowers and presents and things randomly– and it’s cute. I feel like girls couldnt’ do that so much. I mean, sure I’ve done it before– I’ve bought things for a guy i’ve been dating– even made things– but… it always felt awkward and weird. I don’t know. I think it’s stupid. Honestly, what would you buy a guy to say “Hey, i was just thinking of you, and I really love you.” I mean, flowers… I don’t know a lot of guys who know their way around flowers enough to be touched (remembers she needs to call the florist) and well, the option of sending something like candies with Scott is just right out. (Hello, I love you, how about a box of death?) I don’t know. It’s odd. I usually settle for randomly IMing him at work *cough cough* just to say I love him. (No, you may not gag on the sap factor here.) I just don’t think it’s fair– *pouts* and he has bigger hands so I can never win the tickle war.

Derringer Meryl [Derranged Today] Out

So many things buzzing through my brain…. lets start with where my brain is first.

I never thought I would have a Fiance. So looking back on my entries, I wrote them as if no one was reading but me. If you ever choose to go back in time and read my angsty highschool ramblings, keep that in mind. Not only if you’re Scott, but if you’re someone reading this. I didn’t expect people to read this… and it’s written as such.

Next, I was thinking about Strawberry Shampoo. I own strawberry shampoo, and I was considering how i came about to own it. While I know Scott loves Strawberries bunches and lots– that’s not when I got it originally. It was because of reading too many Buffy fan fictions. When you describe a scent of someone (Buffy in this case) you like to attribute it to a certain welcoming smell. (at least romantically) Buffy got a lot of Vanilla and Strawberry. So I chose those. I literally have Strawberry Shampoo and Vanilla shampoo in my shower because of Buffy. How oddly sad is that? Now, Normally I like the Vanilla better. I used to use it more often than not– But upon hearing Scott’s favor for Strawberry, I switched– just because. I wanted to see if he’d notice…. (He did, kinda. He didn’t mention it until I mentioned it. :)) I was thinking though– if Joss Whedon sat down with some fragrance people and created a scent and said “This is the scent that Spike can smell on Buffy. It’s what draws men to her. Sure, she has bad luck with men, but you could change that for yourself with this scent.” Yeah, probably not the best wording ever, but it’d sound a lot smoother coming from Joss himself.

Next– I do this thing. I don’t know if Scott Notices it– but almost every night after he drops me off I go and hop on my couch, kneeling so my chest is to the back of the couch– which consequently means you can see right outside through the little peep in the curtains. I watch him drive away. I don’t know why I do– I just do. *shrugs* I guess I should put a Mush warning on here. I don’t care. People should know by now that i’m just all sorts of gushie and what not.

I can’t think of the other things I wanted to say– *sighs* Blah. Oh well. I’m sure there are other odd intricacies of me that I’ll get around to exposing. None of them are embarrassing. … or at least I don’t think they are. Psh. Would I be putting them on here if they were?

The parents meeting went about as I had imagined. the snuggling level was prime. I still lost at the on going tickle war…. curse these tiny hands of mine. *sighs* I’m going to have some pretty nice bruises on my legs (on an unrelated note) I had a little girl sit on my lap today in primary, and she was a foot swinger… right into my leg, like fifty times in five minutes. So that’s gonna be nice. I’m going to have my little pretties burnt off my foot tomorrow. Good bye you little pieces of hell. (seriously hurts to walk or stand too long thanks to the little bits) It’s like my own personal hell on earth, and hopefully after a few treatments, I won’t have them anymore. 😀

This week is Spring Break (Huzzah!!!) so I’m gonna be bummin’ around my house, hobbling as llittle as possible. Maybe sending someone out to get me humorous new slippers (I have six pair at least… I love Slippers. What can I say?) Spending time with Scott– as much as possible if i have my way. I’ll also be calling up a few of my friends whom love me to bits and pieces (because I say so.) and see if they can help me out with the wedding stuff. (Piano player and florist) Of course not for free (psh, I wouldn’t for free!) but in a symbiotic “I help you you help me” Kind of way.

Did I mention I”m trying to grow my nails out again? I find that it helps when scratching Scott’s back, long nails are more effective. Go figure that one out. Also, I’ve been trying to quit biting them for a while now. If I can make it through this wedding planning without biting, then I can make it through anything. 🙂

Okay, I think I”m done for today– Unless something major happens between now and midnight.

Derringer Meryl [Being in Love is the greatest thing] Out

So one of the three votes are in (sorry Specialist, I’d like to see you in that swag top though– :)) and the bohemian and the swag are in the lead. I just need Scott’s other sister’s opinion, and Care Bear’s.

I have to make this quick, the yeast and flour upstairs are calling to me….

My mom just pointed out to me, that Scott will be going home early tonight, because he’s driving his parents up here. Which is also the reason he can’t come to my ward this week. 🙁 *sighs* Well– there’s always next week, right?

Which reminds me again, I have like fifty million things to do– so i better go.

Derringer Meryl [The Fun Never Stops, even when you want it to] Out

Uber quick lyric spew…. Should be going out for D&D soon–and I just wanted to leave this as a thought. I was thinking of this song in the car with Scott the other day. 😉 I think he’ll understand…

Stick Shifts and Safety Belts, Cake

Stick shifts and safety belts

Bucket seats have all got to go

When I’m driving in my car

It makes my baby seem so far

I need you here with me

Not way over in a bucket seat

I need you to be here with me

not way over in a bucket seat

But when we driving in my Malibu

It’s easy to get right next to you

I say “Baby scoot over please”

And then she’s right there next to me

I need you here with me

Not way over in a bucket seat

I need you to be here with me

Not way over in a bucket seat

Well a lot of good cars are Japanese

But when we’re driving far

I need my baby, I need my baby next to me

Ah..well

Stick shifts and safety belts

Bucket seats have all got to go

When I’m driving in my car

It makes my baby seem so far

I need you here with me

Not way over in a bucket seat

I need you to be here with me

Not way over in a bucket seat

Derringer Meryl [I need you here with me] Out

WARNING: Before you begin to read, this is going to be major high on the smooshie level (smooshie: romantic “I’m in love and it feels so freakin’ awesome” stuff.) If you can’t handle it, if you have a weak stomach for that kind of stuff– pack your bags because this is one of those entries.

I think i’m starting to go crazy. Or getting progressively worse anyway. Since I’m sure your first reaction was “You’re already crazy, you freak!” I’ll give a hearty nod to that, and go on to the point that this entry is about.

Now, I’ve spent about a month and … *does the math* a half or so? Well, since I first saw a picture of Scott, thinking to myself “He sure does look a lot like Ewan McGregor” (I swear I’m not making this up) and I’ve been looking around at pictures of Ewan today (Which coincidentally who one of my nephews is named after– from what I understand anyway.) and I’ve gathered a few that remind me of Scott. (Kay, the dork-o-meter is going up from here, if you can’t take the heat, get the crap out of my crazy kitchen.)

Ewan talking he looks excited– This is a lot the same expression Scott gets when he’s telling a story about him and his friends as ruffians (if you could call it that.) But I have to admit, Scott is much cuter when he talks than Ewan McGregor is. (ducks tomatos from various single women)

Intense Stare on Ewan’s part. Now– overall the facial expression here isn’t one I’ve seen Scott wear a lot– but the eyes are what strike me the most. Taking into consideration that this is a black and white photo, the eyes stand out remarkably well…. I don’t know what it is exactly that reminds me of Scott, but It does. *smirks* Maybe i’m just insanely in love with Scott and I see him in everything– or maybe I’m just obsessive– I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna freak him out with how much I talk about him on here.

But I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel this good before. Nothing has felt this right. Sometimes I just get so scared that I’m going to do something stupid– or something that’s just so completely unforgivable or something like that…. so I’m unlovable. (Mind you I’m not being down on me– It’s just odd feeling this happy) I just wish I could freeze some of these moments in time so I could keep them forever. *taps her brain* that’s why I keep a journal… or a blog, whatever. Because I have troubles remembering things. Also why my hands become my own personal sticky notes too…

I’m scared of loosing all this good wonderful feeling. I know things have to change– progression and what not. THe only thing in life that is certain is change…. Not “He’s going to leave me” change, just– regular change. Everything is in constant motion. I wish I could just freeze some moments so i can keep them forever in my head. That’s all.

Derringer Meryl [Oddly Random] Out