Undone

WARNING: Before you begin to read, this is going to be major high on the smooshie level (smooshie: romantic “I’m in love and it feels so freakin’ awesome” stuff.) If you can’t handle it, if you have a weak stomach for that kind of stuff– pack your bags because this is one of those entries.

I think i’m starting to go crazy. Or getting progressively worse anyway. Since I’m sure your first reaction was “You’re already crazy, you freak!” I’ll give a hearty nod to that, and go on to the point that this entry is about.

Now, I’ve spent about a month and … *does the math* a half or so? Well, since I first saw a picture of Scott, thinking to myself “He sure does look a lot like Ewan McGregor” (I swear I’m not making this up) and I’ve been looking around at pictures of Ewan today (Which coincidentally who one of my nephews is named after– from what I understand anyway.) and I’ve gathered a few that remind me of Scott. (Kay, the dork-o-meter is going up from here, if you can’t take the heat, get the crap out of my crazy kitchen.)

Ewan talking he looks excited– This is a lot the same expression Scott gets when he’s telling a story about him and his friends as ruffians (if you could call it that.) But I have to admit, Scott is much cuter when he talks than Ewan McGregor is. (ducks tomatos from various single women)

Intense Stare on Ewan’s part. Now– overall the facial expression here isn’t one I’ve seen Scott wear a lot– but the eyes are what strike me the most. Taking into consideration that this is a black and white photo, the eyes stand out remarkably well…. I don’t know what it is exactly that reminds me of Scott, but It does. *smirks* Maybe i’m just insanely in love with Scott and I see him in everything– or maybe I’m just obsessive– I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if I’m gonna freak him out with how much I talk about him on here.

But I don’t think anyone has ever made me feel this good before. Nothing has felt this right. Sometimes I just get so scared that I’m going to do something stupid– or something that’s just so completely unforgivable or something like that…. so I’m unlovable. (Mind you I’m not being down on me– It’s just odd feeling this happy) I just wish I could freeze some of these moments in time so I could keep them forever. *taps her brain* that’s why I keep a journal… or a blog, whatever. Because I have troubles remembering things. Also why my hands become my own personal sticky notes too…

I’m scared of loosing all this good wonderful feeling. I know things have to change– progression and what not. THe only thing in life that is certain is change…. Not “He’s going to leave me” change, just– regular change. Everything is in constant motion. I wish I could just freeze some moments so i can keep them forever in my head. That’s all.

Derringer Meryl [Oddly Random] Out