Undone

new diet we started (my mom and i) …. well we’ll start it tomorrow…. it’s the special k diet. All I get to have is two bowls of special k and then dinner. that’s it. *frowns* eh.

i’m getting some anime, which is better than anything else. I’m getting the first volume of DN Angel (wahoo!) and Cowboy Bebop, all courtesy of friendjamin Thank goodness. it shouldnt cost too much, and it’ll make me happier than a case of Ben and Jerry’s.

I was watching the new show on NBC Called Miss Match it’s really rather cute. it’s got Alicia Silverstone (whom i adore, she’s just so … petite, and cute.) and my mom and i were talking about the show Friends and how Ross is upset that Rachel and Joey are all kissy and what not. My mom was confused. “Why should he care, isn’t he dating someone else?” I nodded, and said “Yeah, but he still has feelings for her.” She snorts and says “Not enough to marry her obviously.” and I say, the most profound thing i’ve ever said… i’m fairly sure i heard it from someone else. … anyway I say

“Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a relationship together.”

now, i can’t help but wonder where the hell that came from…. part of me wonders, and another part of me knows exactly it came from. Precisely……

i need to go on a date. I need to get out. *sighs* Right Red? Too bad i need to get another job before i can date who i … want to? I don’t know. My mind… it’s better if i dont’ think about what i want to do.

Derringer Meryl [trapped inside this little world of mine] out

Yeah I get that college sucks.

For Red, it sucks for other reasons. For me?

because i’m not really… uh… social without …

without someone to be social with. *shrugs*

I need a buddy. Yeah, I know, I’m a sissy.

Anyway… Missionaries, need some bread made…. so I’m… going to… go finish making it. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [I hate social things] Out

Isn’t it horribly amusing when you fall asleep thinking about one guy, and you wake up from a dream you had with another?

right. Well I think it is. I think it shows how undecided i am about the whole “who I like as more than a friend” situation i have going on in my mind.

The one guy i was going to switch jobs for, just so i could date him…. and the other guy, well…. we gave it a go, and he just doesn’t think of me that way. It’s okay I guess, not everyone in the world has to be physically attracted to me. *smirks* (Note: I’m not usually this cocky.) I guess I should move on, but ya know– i’m not the kind of girl who just gives up. I guess it’s what scares people away from me. I’m not normal. I’m not what they want me to be, and that bothers them. From My parents (specifically my dad) to my friends and co-workers. I’m determined to make things work MY way. No matter what. 🙂

Stubborn little byatch, aren’t I?

the thing is right now… which way is my way? I’m not focusing on how i feel, but how everyone else feels about things. It’s so much simpler to say ‘Well Frank feels this way about this thing, so i’ll just do the same.’ There are so few things i feel overwhelmingly like i have to express my opinion, i just go with the flow. 🙂 eh. Works, doesn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [how do YOU feel about that?] Out

Oh Yeah. I have a test tomorrow… err.. today, whatever. 🙂 Wish me luck… 🙂

*crickets chirp*

Fine ya stingy jerk. I’ll get my luck from other places. HMPH.

After test, i have work (yippie) and then i have… DN Angel? Maybe. Depends on if it downloads.

I fear the Kazaa thanks to the RIAA, I just wish I knew where to find it with Bittorrent. 🙁

Derringer Meryl [sleepy by time] Out

death to the pop-in visitor.

Okay. So i had my own pop-in visitor, in the form of a kid (friend?) who sat next to me in Lit Mag, whom i like to think of as a very scary lecher. Don’t know what lecher means? Look it up, let it be your word for the day. he doesn’t SCARE me, ya know like The Ring scared me (cause we all know that was a mind screw) it was like, “I really didn’t think we were really close enough for you to show up without calling me first.”

yeah. I’m sure if Red (Hi Red!) is reading this, she’s shuddering me, and praying for me, all at the same time. He was there from Five till eight. I had some math homework to do, but not before he decided to raid my room.

i’m too tolerant.

I could probably let Hitler walk into my room and try on my bras if he wanted to. Just no killing, unless i’m the one doing it. I just shrug it off. I guess the surface stuff of my room being my sanctuary sorta slides off. My computer (good Xander!) is my sanctuary. 🙂 I seriously get pissed if someone screws with my computer.

I guess it’s because right now, he’s the only reliable man in my life. Good Ole Xander. 🙂 Well then you have Friendjamin (who is super nice, and super funny!) and Gert, and Monkey (semi-reliable) Oh Good Grief, and I can’t forget Marco, And it’s just great, I need more positive guy influences in my life. I think Friendjamin and Marco are the two best right now. 🙂

anyway. I really want to find out some more about DN Angel (Awesome from what i’ve seen… :))

Derringer Meryl [Daisuke or Dark?] Out