Undone

Will you think of me,
in time?
It’s never my luck,
So never mind.
I wanna say your name,
But the pain starts
again,
It’s never my luck,
So never mind.

Chorus:
I had a dream that you were with me ,
it wasn’t my fault,
you rolled me over,
flipped me over,
like a somersault.
that doesn’t happen to me
I’ve never been here before
I saw forever in my never,
And i stood outside her
Heaven
I stood outside her heaven
Let me in your heaven
I wanna live inside your heaven

The song is beautiful on so many levels. I find that the part that I find myself relating to again and again… is “i can try to be with you , but somehow I’ll end up just losing a friend/i can only reach for you / relate to you/I’m losing my friend…” Sometimes when you love someone (no matter what type of love it maybe) you want to reach for them, to draw them close, to make up for stupid mistakes, to have what you once had… and every time you try to pull them close they struggle further away. The lyric echos deep inside of my heart, an empty place that no one can ever fill.

As you can see I have updated my blog layout. I can’t seem to get away from twilight, so you probably shouldn’t count on it happening any time soon. If you haven’t listened to much Blue October, I highly encourage it. The singer, Justin Furstenfeld has bipolar disorder… i find his lyrics beautiful and remarkable. His singing is passionate and amazing. The honesty of his lyrics seem to strip any pretense one might have about depression, heartache, and love. I could listen to his music all day. It seems to calm me. The truth that sets you free.

Things have been progressing with Ms. Gigi well, she is chubbing up well, and Katie is doing her best to cope with being a sister. It’s tough not having all of mom and dad’s attention, but I think she still gets her fair amount. I am not thrilled at the idea of returning to work, but it’s work, so why would it be thrilling? 😉 Life is good.

Derringer Meryl [off to feed a baby] Out

To post this again. I feel like It screams a sort of forgiveness that is important to remember. To remember for our family, our friends, everyone.

Hate Me, Blue October

It’s easy to give up on people. It’s easy to say “I can’t do this anymore” and walk away. I hear this song from his mother’s point of view. Which you may not hear her at the beginning of the song, but the following message was left for the main singer by his mother… “Hi Justin! This is your mother. I was just calling to see how you were doing. You sounded really uptight last night, it made me a little nervous. I just want to make sure you are really okay and wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication too. You know I love ya. See ya! Bye Bye!” Isn’t that like a mom? Even though her son was sick, and he was often hurtful towards her, and self destructive…. she put herself out there. To love him anyway. I feel like I keep repeating myself with this blog sometimes. especially in relation to this song… I wish i could echo any of it’s sentiments accurately.

I know my mom is like his mom. I hope I can be like that too. I know in some small ways I am. I know my mom made sure I took my medicine, made sure I got the help I needed. I know she cried with me (still does) when I feel like I’m breaking apart. I know my mom is there for me. I hope I can be as great as she is. As supportive, as loving.
Derringer Meryl