Beware… this is a mommy rant.
<<<< I wrote this in a steam room on my message board I go to. The only thing it’s missing are the emoticons…. which I’m too lazy to steal, and really you’re not missing much. This post doesn’t actually refer to anyone I know in real life. Mostly I would say the INTERNET has made me feel bad about my decision to have a C-section, no one i know personally. I thought I’d get that out there before I get asked “I don’t make you feel bad do i?” and the answer is no. You don’t. Trust me. Everyone I know has been VERY supportive in my choices, and I even discussed it somewhat with my mom before I chose it. If Life was perfect, things would progress differently than they do sometimes. In a perfect world I’d probably labor at home and then go to a nataloc (look it up people) and give birth and feel so proud of myself and my body. But I sacrafice my pride to protect myself, my husband and my children…. So without further ado– My C-Section Rant.>>>>
Why do I feel like…. because I “chose” to have my C-section that I should feel like I’m a bad mom. WTH?!
Like I should be apologizing that I wasn’t able to do a natural birth. I really respect people who do that, and honestly If I wasn’t such:
1)a big fat chicken
2) a previous C-section mommy
3) afraid of my own body
I probably would have done MORE to have a natural birth. But why is it that everyone looks down on C-sections? I feel like people are making C-section mommies into second class citizens. Like we don’t love our kids as much or something because we either A) chose not to or B) weren’t able to go through the labor process naturally.
And I voice my irritation at this and people say “Well you didn’t CHOOSE it, your baby was breech”
NO, that’s not true. I DID choose it. My doctor said “we can try and turn her and induce you, or we can just go for the c-section” and I CHOSE the c-section. I said “Sign me up for that!” and i didn’t realize the stigma or the crippling grief that would come from it. Will I spend the rest of my life being looked down on because of my choice? That’s disgusting! Why can’t everyone have the “I respect your decision, but that’s not the choice for me” attitude? <<Side bar, I feel that I try my best to have this attitude to other moms who choose other things. I couldn’t do a natural birth. I couldn’t, and might I add wouldn’t have my child at home… but for people who can and do, great for them!!! Not for me!>> I go to websites that I’m sure are supposed to be well meaning trying to warn women of the dangers of a C-section and why they aren’t good… and… I just feel dirty. I feel like they are spewing hate. <<To be a bit more in detail here, I feel like I’m supposedly lazy or something because I didn’t give birth. I just had a baby. I didn’t LABOR, I didn’t WORK. That it’s the easy man’s way out of having a baby. I can’t say! I don’t know! I haven’t done both! But I can tell you it’s not like it’s a picnic. I can remember I couldn’t lay down. My legs swelled up a lot due to the fact they were out of use for 24 hours. I have a scar and this lovely little flap of skin that hangs over it because all my skin is stretched out! Each C-section I have seals my fate as a permanent C-section mom. As much as I’d love to try natural, I cannot face the idea of a uterine rupture. Any chance is TOO big of a chance. I have even scaled back the number of children I want to have due to this risk.>>
I realize that a lot of my depression came from having a c-section last time, but at the same time I think it also came from not feeling like I was respected for the choice I made. Like I was lazy or stupid or inconsiderate for doing what I did. That my doctor (who is/was an amazing OB and always respected my feelings and wishes) was lazy and just wanted to get me out of the way.
I should not be ASHAMED to say I’ve had a c-section. I should not feel like I’m not a good mom because of the way I have given birth. Plenty of BAD mom’s, mom’s who hit and abuse and are just terrible to their children gave birth naturally. Hell. I’m sure bad moms have existed a LOT longer than the C-section has. But it’s not fair though that now days when we have so much medical knowledge, and so much tolerance for SO many things, that we as women can look down on each other for our mothering choices. Everyone thinks what they choose is right. And they are (for the most part) right! What you choose for your child is going to be more right for you, and for them, than what I could choose for them!
As much as I love and respect the opinions of the women here <<<On my Message board, not really relevant to my blog, but I do love a lot of people who read my blog!>>>, I can’t let anyone belittle me, or the choices I have made. My daughter sleeps in a big girl bed and I put a gate in front of her door to keep her in her room. I work. I have c-sections. I breastfeed, but *gasp* only to a year.
And other moms do other things. And that’s that.
Can’t we just keep in mind that other choices don’t mean they’re bad…. they’re just different.
Derringer Meryl [People are People] Out
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I’m sorry people have been making you feel bad! 🙁 I think you made the right choice, and you need to take care of yourself so that you can keep having babies and taking care of them! I also don’t think you took the easy way out, I think having a C-section would be totally scary! I know that you didn’t write this to us, but sometimes a little validation is nice to have! 😀 And, seriously, people are saying that only breastfeeding to a year is bad? If you are in a situation where you can do it for longer then great, but it’s creepy when people breastfeed kids that can come up and ask for it!
PS I think this is why I only talk to people on the internet that I know in real life!
You know… I would NEVER want to get a c section… ever… unless it was forced on me for whatever medical reason or something, but that’s not because I think that getting a csection will make me a bad or lazy mom. It’s because I don’t want to be gutted like a fish (hahah, jk…) but really I don’t want to have a scar and I don’t want my muscles and all to be cut through. I feel the same way about people who do totally natural with no drugs or epidural… that they are “better” or that they work harder or something, thereby making me feel lazy or like I can’t follow through. I think that is partially my own insecurities, but also stems from the attitude that people have about it.
They don’t cut the muscles anymore. I was just researching this, and I thought I was right, but for sure I know now, that they slowly move the muscles out of the way to do an incision on the uterus. Still though, I know what you mean. I can’t imagine the recovery from cut muscles would have been like. I think the cutting of muscles would have made the surgery MUCH more risky than it is, which is probably why they don’t do it anymore.
PS: My doctor (current) said my old OB was magic, he couldn’t but barely see my scar, or feel it. I miss my old OB. She was FAB!