Undone

*urk* Welcome to Finals Week. It’s not finals everywhere, some places may have finished finals, and others, well– may have not taken them yet (i know BYU hasn’t yet…) All i know is that mine is tomorrow, and i couldn’t be more nervous. I’m trying to remember a few key equations, and i”m just dying to have this over with. *sighs*

I can’t wait for something So much better to come along. I hate math, i dont’ know why i took the bloody class, but i can say that i’m glad that it’s done. Today though, i’m going to relax a little. First off, I’m not feeling too well, and i’m going to do something that’s rare for my blog, i’m going to not only lyric spew, but i’m going to break it down. Word yo….. Just as soon as i figure out what i’m lyric spew on.

I Love you, Sarah McLachlan

I have a smile

stretched from ear to ear

to see you walking down the road

we meet at the lights

I stare for a while

the world around disappears

And what could be more heart wrenching than feeling like this, and knowing that it can never be willingly returned. Why does life have to be like that?

just you and me

on this island of hope

a breath between us could be miles

let me surround you

my sea to your shore

let me be the calm you seek

I could be. I could be the calm you seek. I could be so close to someone… that it seems insane. I’ve been that close to someone before. It’s amazing the heartwrenching pain that courses through your body when they leave…. not just for a little while, but for good. The way you’re so sure that they mean the things they’ve said, but the knife that was so tactically plunged into your stomach is twisted and explores the inner caverns of your body when you see them…. so openly betraying you.

oh and every time I’m close to you

there’s too much I can’t say

and you just walk away

and I forgot

to tell you

I love you

and the night’s

too long

and cold here

without you

I’ve expressed this before. I’ve expressed how you want to say things to someone…. you want to embrace them and tell them they’re the world…. and you just… can’t. Someone once said it’s rarely a case of can’t and almost surely a case of won’t. But mostly, i’ve concentrated on how lonely the night is without the warmth of another…. you. Without You. (I’m not sure who you is yet… but i hope to find him someday….) But people seem so far away, trapped in their own little shells, afraid to feel emotions… afraid… because they know life isn’t a fairy tale…. and they’re afraid of how life will be if it doesn’t end like Cinderella’s….

I grieve in my condition

for I cannot find the strength to say I need you so

oh and every time I’m close to you

there’s too much I can’t say

and you just walk away

People do that. They just leave. And you have so many words buzzing in your brain that you want to say… so many things that would all sound so beautiful if you could just say them at the right time, and the right way …. knowing that the other person loved you simply and kindly as much as you…. and it makes me wince a little knowing that the words wouldn’t be accepted…. by so many. I don’t knowhow i do it. How i keep living after being rejected so often. *laughs* But here I am…. alive and a little worse for wear….. still helplessly falling in love. How sad.

and I forgot

to tell you

I love you

and the night’s

too long

and cold here

without you

And I forgot…. no… i didn’t forget. I never meant to tell you. I knew what you thought of me, from the beginning. I let myself be deluded by my dreams of fairytale grandeur…. You couldn’t accept even the simplest of affections. And that being the way it is…. and me knowing that you and i aren’t… we …. dont’ match up– then why is the night so cold knowing that you’re no where near me?

Derringer Meryl [A little Truth, a Little Fiction] Out