Undone

I’m a bit of a sinner, never a good enough saint, so here it is, the lyric spew of Halloween. Crush, Mandy Moore

You know everything that I’m afraid of

You do everything I wish I did

Everybody wants you everybody loves you

I know I should tell you how I feel

I wish everyone would disappear

Every time time you call me I’m too scared to be me

And I’m too shy to say

Ooh I got a crush on you

I hope you feel the way that I do

I get a rush

When I’m with you

Ooh I’ve got a crush on you

A crush on you

You know I’m the one that you can talk to

And sometimes you tell me things that I don’t want to know

I just want to hold you

And you say exactly how you feel about her

And I wonder could you ever think of me that way

Ooh I got a crush on you

I hope you feel the way that I do

I get a rush

When I’m with you

Ooh I’ve got a crush on you

A crush on you

Ooh I wish I could tell somebody

But there’s no one to talk to nobody knows

I’ve got a crush on you

A crush on you I got a crush

You say everything that no one says

But I feel everything that you’re afraid to feel

I will always want you I will always love you

I’ve got a crush

Okay, so i’m sad. I’m pathetic. I’m drowning. this song isn’t totally accurate for the situation, I’m going to break it down, verse by verse, okay?

You know everything that I’m afraid of / You do everything I wish I did / Everybody wants you everybody loves you

Basically, this says, you’re everything i wish i could be. You’re everything that i admire. it really is an amazing line. (forgive my typing, i have fake finger nails on for the holiday. 🙂 this person (she’s singing about) knows her so well, that it’s impossible to understand.

I know I should tell you how I feel / I wish everyone would disappear / Every time time you call me I’m too scared to be me / And I’m too shy to say….

The person really matters to her, and makes her feel nervous, so she can’t admit…. her feelings (pretty self explanatory.)

Ooh I got a crush on you / I hope you feel the way that I do / I get a rush / When I’m with you / Ooh I’ve got a crush on you / A crush on you

This is where it sorta splits. I don’t really have ROMANTIC feelings for this person. I do care. I do care a TON. I wish i could take back all of the horrid things i’ve done to put us in the situation we’re in now. I really blame myself for the lack of contact we have. I do get a rush when i’m with him. Not a sexual thing, i’ve discovered that now…. that there wasn’t much chemistry there that way…. but i miss the way i felt when i was with him. I could be natural, and he was always…. he was good about it. and i messed it up, nicely.

You know I’m the one that you can talk to / And sometimes you tell me things that I don’t want to know / I just want to hold you / And you say exactly how you feel about her / And I wonder could you ever think of me that way

He doesn’t talk to me …. about him. Just light chit chat. Work stuffs… and he doesn’t know it, but i can read him. i can see what he doesn’t say. i can see his feelings for other people. People i know i can never, ever, measure up to. I’m not smart enough, pretty enough, or witty enough. All i want is to be good enough….. good enough to be a friend again…. so we can spend time together. And it kills me every time i see him, because he has every right to act the way he does, to not want to come over and spend time with me…. to hate me. In fact, i wish he did hate me, so i at least could understand where i was with all of this.

Ooh I wish I could tell somebody / But there’s no one to talk to nobody knows / I’ve got a crush on you / A crush on you I got a crush

that’s crap, throw that line out, pretty much every one knows how i feel…. except the fact that i feel like a buge idiot for how i acted. How i act. I don’t hate him. I don’t love him (in a romantic sense) but i care. I care so much, and his lack of caring for me back, burns so deeply.

You say everything that no one says / But I feel everything that you’re afraid to feel / I will always want you I will always love you / I’ve got a crush

He says that things are okay, when i know the rest of the world would say they aren’t. I know they aren’t… but he always says it’s okay. And i do feel everything he’s afraid to feel, he’s afraid to care, i’m not sure why– but i care so much, and i guess it’s my burden… for the horrible stuff i did, to feel this way. This caring, and to be scorned. It’s my reward. Yeah, i’ll always want him, want to be near him, want to have his company… and i’ll always care…. and i have to learn to be okay with the lack of emotion from his side…. I have to be better than I am.

Derringer Meryl [So weak] Out