Undone

Well, It seems everytime I think “well at least I don’t have to go back to the doctor”it turns out that I do. 😛 I love the doctor. Please note the sarcasm there. I’ll be heading back in December 😛

it’s also been one whole year since I found out that I was pregnant with Audrey. it’s crazy. I think of our life before and it’s hard to think of what it was like before she came. She has slid in so naturally with our pace, that it’s insane. Though it can be hard to make sure she goes everywhere we do in the house since Katie usually makes sure that I chase her upstairs at least once or twice a day. It can be difficult to fix Katie lunch or dinner because Audrey wants me to hold her while i do it. So there is usually someone crying.

Work has been work like. Not terribly fun, but then again that’s why it’s work and not play. I have been doing really well at keeping my stats high and making sure that I keep my job. I’m grateful to have one, but sometimes it’d be nice to work some where else. I think everyone in  the world should at least have like… a month of working somewhere they’d love. I think that’d be fun.

Katie was Cinderella for halloween. She probably wouldn’t have been anything had it not been for my mom who is awesome, and made the prettiest dress for her. My mom collects (I guess you’d say) fabric and had some really pretty blue brocade (I’d call it that, but I might be mistaken, maybe damask?) that she had saved for 10 years and worked out perfect for katie’s dress. She looked beautiful in it and wouldn’t get out of it for Pj’s on Friday (we had a halloween party) BUT we were able to get her out of it on saturday in exchange for some cup of noodles. She’s addicted to those things. I think they’re pretty gross. LOL. she didn’t want to go very far trick or treating, and a lot of our neighbors had their lights off. Next year we might have to skip the party with our friends in favor of the Halloween party at our ward. I saw a kid going tick or treating via car (IE his parents were driving him around) and all I could think was “the point is getting all that exercise so you can eat the buckets and buckets of candy!” but apparently the point was lost. Katie just hit the houses on our street that had their lights on. She kept crying for Daddy who was at home handing out candy, so we finished the street and went home. Hopefully next year we can meet up with her friend and go that way so that she can understand  more what’s going on. She wasn’t really that into it. I was fine just going on our street since I was carrying Audrey (she wanted to be held to sleep) and that was straining to hold a hand, a bucket and a baby, I felt like I was juggling and I was afraid I would drop Audrey, which would have been horrific. We didn’t have too many kids, but we live in an older neighborhood, so it’s not that unusual. (As a note, Audrey was a Penguin in a store bought costume, she stayed SO dang warm in that thing, it was perfect.)

I was thinking about trick or treating as a kid, and I was trying REALLY hard to remember what happened, and it came to me that we did trunk or treat at the church mostly (and inside, as it was often cold! Yay Colorado!) and I remember it being a GREAT time. We had a scary maze, a cake walk, and several other activities. It was fun to spend Halloween with my friends. I don’t think I even ever won anything (except candy) but I had such a good time, being in a costume, playing games and spending time with my friends.

I still had fun when I came here though, it was a new experienced, we walked ALL OVER getting candy. We were not the only ones. I was glad to have a large group to go with. I don’t remember all of my costumes over the year (though I recall some, I know at the very least, I was a medieval woman, a cat and Snow white. Other that, I’m at a loss, sorry mom!) It was great to go trick or treating with a large group, and to go EVERYWHERE up and down a bunch of big streets in my parent’s neighborhood.

I have been listening to a lot of Weezer lately. I find that sometimes that Weezer helps me boost out of a bad mood. i was driving home, and turned up “In the Garage” and sang along at the top of my lungs. In that moment I was 8 years old again. As I drove my family wagon home so I could fix lunch for my girls, I realized that despite the fact that I am still relatively young in years, I have a lot of responsibilities. I have two beautiful girls, who depend on me for many things. I often find myself feeling young and carefree and then it comes to me that I am NOT carefree. Not to be a downer, I love my family, but even if i sit in my car listening to music all day it can’t hold off the truth that i am Old. Not in years, but in obligations. I think about how i love/d playing video games, but I simply don’t have the time or patience for it anymore. It makes me sad as I still want to play, and when I do find time someone inevitably wants a drink or needs fed, or needs a diaper change. Something always seems to need to be done.  I am hoping that later today I will get to play some, Maybe Final Fantasy 12. I haven’t gotten to play in a year and a half.
I was pining the other day at some on Sale Ben and Jerry’s when I whined at Scott about how I really wanted it. He just shrugged. I told him, most of the time when I’m complaining like that I need someone to give me  permission to do something nice for myself.  Scott just sighed, clearly exasperated. I do require people to tell me “Why don’t you take some time for yourself?” I put myself last. Always. I don’t know how to change that. I come after my children, after my husband, after just about anything.

speaking of… Katie needs me. Off to be the most super-est mom I can be. 😉

Derringer Meryl [here there everywhere] Out