Undone

bwahaha! Finally, I got into my diary. I know that sounds odd, but anyone who has run a free diary on Diaryland knows that when it’s busy– sometimes you can’t write an entry. it’s slightly annoying. But then again– i’m not paying, so i don’t really have a right to complain.

worked last night. i was supposed to work with Jerkie-mc-jerkerson but he was sick and switched Monkey Schedules. It was interesting. Tho– i know monkey reads this, (and i know it, because he and i discuss things i say once ina while) I will refrain on a full commentary on what happened last night.

We were busy. Very very Busy. I took some work home because i didn’t get it done while i was AT work. and No, i didn’t get paid extra.

Now, for those of you who are upset and the wrongness of it all, me working and not getting paid…. well– i dont’ really care. Sure, it wasn’t MY fault the work didn’t get done before we closed, in fact… but whatever. It’s not like i wasn’t already going to be up till one in the morning– now i was just doing something that actually counted. 😀

Mou. I’ve been trying to figure out what i can do (sans medication…) to help myself with my depression. I hate my medication, as i’ve said multiple times before– but– i seem to be in this odd place in my life.

Where I hate everything about myself. I’d change it all, and i hate to look at myself in the mirror (hence the fact there are no mirrors in my room… that and a really scary story i was told when i was younger….) but i’m okay. i mood swing, really fast. but i’m trying to keep it in check better. Trying to speak to myself in my head to calm myself down.

i’m not a nutcase, I’m different than you– in fact, maybe you’re what’s different and my moodiness is normal. In fact, if the overwhelming amount of the general populous is depressed and moody, you’re the minority…. maybe you should bend to them…. *leers*

and i’ve come to realize that i write in this journal as i do in my physical Journal. I address someone as “you” and i never really name HERE who they are where as the physical journal has a specific person i’m writing to. It’s interesting.

I guess it’s a habit. Talking to ‘you’ but when it’s on the internet– it could be the specialist, or Dax, or Wudan– or some random person from Indonesia… or something. I know there’s someone from Pennsylvania somewhere… that reads, i’m not sure if it’s regular– but i’d like to think so. 🙂 That’s just cause i’m delusional…

Mou. It’s tuesday. For those who didn’t know…. *smiles* and we positively absolutely need a lyric spew.

Genius, Duncan Sheik

Clearly I’m a genius

If she only knew it

but somewhere in her radius

I really blew it

I know, I know what I said to her

and I know what I did

What I don’t know is how I could ever be

so incredibly stupid

[CHORUS:]

(you don’t really need to know every last detail.

Its hardly worth telling

suffice to say I said that I would be there

i never came through)

Maybe I’m a genius and

she just don’t see it

I fronted,

I should have admitted,

she saw right through it

I never thought that I could be

so underhanded.

somehow I’ve cornered the market on

the double standard

[CHORUS]

For this act of genius

and so many others

I know I should apologize

and see how it goes

what am I waiting for?

come on, come on, come on, come on

sha la la la la la sha la la la la la la la

to all of the geniuses…

Oh yeah, i’m a genius. I know it. *dances like a freak from the eighties*

Go ME!

Derringer Meryl [You don’t need to know] Out