Undone

I thought I’d comment on this by Wudan:

I’d have to say that our concept of a partner is often tied up with our concept of self – we change, they change, we, “grow apart”, as is the beck-and-call of so many divorce attorneys.

Ya know, even before I was engaged, I spent a lot of time thinking about marriage. I know i’d be uber freaking out right now If i hadn’t previously thought about what I wanted and how I wanted to get married.

I’m not so worried about the wedding details as I am the marriage there after.

I haven’t been surrounded by the best examples of marriage. Divorce runs rampant in society, with one of two couples getting divorced. I remember (not that it was so long ago) that I admired my Seminary teacher’s marriage. I had never met his wife, but he kept pictures of them together all over the classroom, not just the office. It impressed me. We were talking about Temple marriage one day in class, and he said to me, “Don’t get married thinking that Divorce is an option. It’s not. If you think it is, you’ll surely be divorced.” He told us about what would happen if he had a bad day at work or something like that. He’d come home, his wife would say “How was your day at work?” he’d respond that he didnt’ want to talk about it. She’d just smile and say, okay. She didn’t press him, or bother him, but simply let it go. He expressed that at some time he’d tell her about it, what went wrong, but he made sure to leave his work troubles at work.

He also told us (me, because I asked in specific) that there are hard times. He did fight with his wife occasionally. It happens. To expect it. To understand it.

I’m terrified of that. Terrified that it’ll be like the fights i’ve heard before. I can’t even express how much the idea of arguing with Scott freaks me out.

and on a completely unrelated note:

And i find myself feeling odd. I have so many words traveling through my head, so many things I could say to Scott, just comments, or things i notice– nothing bad…. just How i feel at a moment, or how much i love him. I find it all trapped inside of my brain because of my slow tongue. I’m not witty and a fast talker (dont’ ask me how i got to be in debate) I don’t have an extensive vocabulary. I’m fairly sure that most of the words I wish i could say don’t even exist. i just sit there speechless, wondering if he can even understand how completely lucky i find myself.

Not everyone gets to find someone as wonderfully perfect for themselves as Scott is for me. *sighs* Okay, I”m gushing all over now, i had better go and take care of the washer.

Derringer Meryl [Ups And Downs] Out