Undone

Sometimes it’s easier living a lie

Boy, was Tom Hanks right. I got back from watching Catch me if you can and All I can think is…

why doesn’t the world stop when I want to get off? Sure, I can understand that the world doesn’t revolve around me, but why– heavens why, do people move on? Sure resenting things and being bitter– bad stuff, I can swear to it. But why not hold onto a little scrap of something good, so maybe, if it comes back, you can remember what it was like.

She cheated

She got married to her lover

And had a new baby.

She replaced lover

She replaced Husband

She replaced child.

Why do I feel that she drove her son to fly around the world? That she made him want to leave, to run away. Because she did. She didn’t take the time to think about the lies she was telling, and who it would break in the end.

It broke her family

It broke the government

It broke the world.

Sure, he had a choice. There is no doubt in my mind that Frank Abignale Jr. had a choice every time he impersonated someone new. But the rush, the thrill,

it’s enough that you can become addicted to it.

Something tells me deep down inside, that he couldn’t help but want his mom to see him. She never saw him. Never.

He kept saying, ‘Catch me. I want this to end. I’m so tired of it all.’ and all i could think is….

I know that feeling. Wanting to be caught, someone to call your bluff and say “I see you. I see what you do–” Because you can’t do it yourself. Because running from the truth is all you’ve ever done in your life, and stopping is out of the question. Someone has to make you stop. Make you want to stop.

I can’t say what made me stop lying. Stop pasting on the smile that made my heart bleed until I felt so exhausted that I would sleep for hours. I think– I think it was when it caught up to me. When I felt it all, and I knew I was caught. Not by anyone, not by anything but the web of my own lies. And I had to bear the guilt alone.

For the most part.

I was lying to myself.

Derringer Meryl [finally caught up] Out