Undone

Lyrics are poetry that is sung. I’m sure that’s the stupidest thing i’ve said all day– still it’s the truth, and i’m all about the truth. and i’ve been listening to this song: You Oughta Know by Alanis Morrisette. And while the overall message is something that i relate to …. the broken promises, the quick replacement– i haven’t done the things that Alanis speaks of in her song… *coughs*

I want you to know, that I’m happy for you

I wish nothing but the best for you both

An older version of me

Is she perverted like me

…..

Does she speak eloquently

And would she have your baby

I’m sure she’d make a really excellent mother

And I feel like screaming that sometimes. What makes the other girl so much better? What is she that is so enticing. I’ll tell you what, she’s Not Interested. and that’s what makes girls interesting to boys. The conquest, the journey, and the fear. It’s a rush. And No one wants to climb (metaphorically) the same mountain twice. Good God. WHy should you have to? There’s fifty million other mountains, so– move on. Sure, there are the few people who climb Everest twice– and those are the (metaphorically) ones who get married, and stay that way. It’s more than an adventure, its a way of life.

Cause the love that you gave that we made wasn’t able

To make it enough for you to be open wide, no

And every time you speak her name

Does she know how you told me you’d hold me

Until you died, till you died

But you’re still alive

I may not have done everything that Alanis speaks of, but I know– that guys (as well as girls, but guys are more noted for it) promise things to get into girls (guys) pants. *laughs bitterly* I promise you that i’ll always be your friend.. Nothing you say can make me loose respect for you… Well excuse me, that’s bull shit. I’m sorry to say it, but there’s no getting around it– no getting around how it’s a lie. it’s age old, and girls still fall for it. We honestly want to believe people, believe that someone loves us, only us.

God, How often is it actually true?

And I’m here to remind you

Of the mess you left when you went away

It’s not fair to deny me

Of the cross I bear that you gave to me

You, you, you oughta know

And how fair is it that when you need people the very most, when you most need a shoulder to cry on people conveniently leave. When you hurt the most. People tell you to suck it up and move on. Just Move On. I get the concept, but the action it’s self eludes me. Yes, because I was a liar too. I didn’t mean all of those nice things i said about you. And i”m going to prove it by picking myself up, effortlessly, and moving on to the next date…. victim. No. So I agonize for … a while. At least people know my emotion is true, it’s deep, and i’m not going to smother it for their good. Too bad.

You seem very well, things look peaceful

I’m not quite as well, I thought you should know

Did you forget about me Mr. Duplicity

I hate to bug you in the middle of dinner

It was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced

Are you thinking of me when you [are with] her

Pick it up, move on. Love, Move. Love Move…. That’s insane. Freakishly insane. I can understand moving on. I Get that. But c’mon, intense relationships aren’t always the long ones. But society paints it out to be that you can’t get to know someone in a short amount of time…. And left is right and up is down, and there is no right direction. And it’s confusing. So I follow my heart. And it says it hurts still. It hurts because I was lied to. I was decieved. I was lead to believe that You didn’t care, and then to alleve your guilt, you told me the truth– you did care. and then he cared… and i was confused. I was scared. because no one wants me. And I can’t blame you for liking him, but God, I can blame you for telling me…. promptly after I had finally relaxed enough to believe that you DIDN’T like him.

This isn’t so much about him, as it is about your selfish-ness.

Cause the joke that you laid on the bed that was me

And I’m not gonna fade

As soon as you close your eyes and you know it

And every time I scratch my nails down someone else’s back

I hope you feel it…well can you feel it

Can I explain to you, that I love you. Like a sister. You’re my best friend– But it still hurts inside, and i’m not sure where I am at all.

And I can’t blame you for wanting him. How could you not? I blame myself. I hate Myself. Everything about me. For which there is no remedy. Someday the pain will cease. but — not yet.

I don’t want to talk about it. I jsut wanted to get it out. This isn’t a “I want to Discuss this with BOTH of you” type thing. This is a “I’ve bottled this up, and it’s not going to help me move on” type thing. Keeping inside was only infecting the whole damn emotional system. You two can snog like kittens now for all I care.

Just don’t tell me.

Derringer Meryl [Cynical] Out