Undone

I don’t hate myself for it, I don’t see why I should, I’m best friends with my co-workers. They’re really my entire social life. That’s that. I don’t find it shameful as Artemis, Gert, Monkey and yes, even the Mouth are some of my closest confidants. It extends even to places I don’t work. Friends of Friends. J-bob, Dateless and so many more I haven’t even given little pet names to.

Then this one guy. I swear he lives to get under my skin. He insinuates that I’m lazy, that I’m lame, and that i’m the uber bitca or something. I’m not. I’m not lame, and I’m not lazy….

nothing at work pisses me off more than being called lazy. NOTHING. You might think i’m too touchy about the whole damn thing, but trust me– I take pride in my job, and that I do the best job that i can. Sure, sometimes I get warts burned off of my feet and I can’t stand quite yet, but i’m still there, trying to do my best, and I point out from across the room that something’s out of place, and this smart mouthed freak tells me i’m lazy. Doesn’t even give a flying rats…. *growls* that i’m in pain because i’m standing.

Then, he feels the need to tell me the flaw in all of my relationships is me. That I’m Lame and no one likes me. He likes to plainly, and painfully illustrate how i’m the downfall of the freakish human race.

and I? I would like to cut his tongue out and sew his mouth shut. No… I’m not bitter. I find that if he can’t do anything productive with the language that God Granted him, he might as well shut up. I might as well aid in that, seeings as how people don’t know when to shut up for their own good. Especially this guy. I hope he dies. I don’t want to aid him in that, but i’m sure he’ll annoy or anger someone until that point. I wouldn’t be suprised if he found himself dead in a ditch one day.

I don’t have enough malice in my heart to wish him dead. I just simply think it wouldn’t be hard to imagine him provoking someone to that point. I’ve decided MY best plan of action is just… crying. I’ll cry and ruin my make up and my entire life, so he can look like a freakish jerk and feel horrid.

I like to think so anyway. I guess everyone isn’t like Inu Yasha. Don’t you wish more guys were?

Derringer Meryl [My Tears] Out

I thought i’d get off my lazy butt and begin my new week of Blogging, sooner better than later, right?

Whatever. I’m trying to be better. I started making my Christmas cards today. 🙂 I think they’re going to turn out fairly well… *shrugs* I really hope they do.

On Wednesday I can start to register for next semester of College. *sighs* I don’t wanna, but i gotsta. Unless someone out there who is reading my blog has a job with great benefits and wages to boot. I guess i can get those after I finish school, right? All I know is that I would be a lot closer to school if i lived more Southernly than I do. *shrugs* I know people there willing to let me shack up with them, but then, it’s really far to work…. *sighs* Unless I got transferred, and God Knows I wouldn’t mind that. 🙂 But I keep figuring that moving stores wouldn’t be the best idea, because i’ll just keep finding new reasons not to date Gert. I’m a chicken. I’m a scaredy cat. … i’m everything like that. 🙂 I know it, i admit to it, and admitting the problem is the first step, right?

Not really, but we can pretend.

I’m one of those people who you have to coax out of their shell. It’s annoying to some people, but honestly, once i know someone, i’m fairly open about how i feel about things. I have to wonder sometimes why I don’t. Why i’m so shy. But I was thinking about it… I was a very hypersensitive kid. I never wore a pair of jeans until i was fourteen, i kid you not. I didn’t like the way they felt against my skin. I didn’t like to be touched, unless i was the one who was starting the touching… like i LOVED to hug, but only when i was the one who started the hug. … i think that explains it a little better…. I didn’t like revealing clothes for a long time, I think my parents were relieved by that…. now days I can’t get enough of showing skin. I don’t dress like a slut, but i have to admit, I show more skin than a lot of LDS girls. *shrugs* It’s not a habit, my temperature fluctuates like crazy, so you’ll see me with a tank top and a sweater on over it…. That’s what i’m wearing currently… heh.

I was a social butterfly, yet i had no friends. I talked to people, ya know? I was friendly and kind, I still am, but I couldn’t say that someone knew all of my deepest secrets. Now days, only three people do, maybe four or five, depending on the deepness and the darkness of the secret. *laughs* People were constantly telling me things, confiding in me, and letting me carry their burdens. Shameful things, things that I had never heard of before. They still do it. I know how it is. You did something, and you have to tell someone, anyone to ease the pressure you feel, and so you tell a friend, and then THEY have the burden. Heh. Isn’t it nice. That’s why a spouse who has been unfaithful tells their significant other, to ease the pain…

Their own private torture. Heh. I deal with my pain, with my penance. It’s something everyone has to do. Deal with the problems in yourlife. I guess my journal is one of the ways i find relief. I’m not PUSHING my burden onto someone, i’m just sorta… sending it out into thin air. *laughs* Or cyber space, what ever. Someone can read it, or it can just sit there and rot, no one knows either way…. *sighs* but then it’s not on my shoulders. Right?

I’ve decided that romance stories (Movies or Fictional Novels) are degrading the social standard. No one canbe like that. Pretty and slim, and sexy, or romantic and dashing. Everyone has those days where you wake up and you jsut don’t feel like getting all pretty, and you feel fat and ugly and no amount of cute clothes or make up can make you feel any different. It’s just the way you feel. *nods* and i have yet to meet a guy who was dashing and romantic who wasn’t already been yearned after by fifty other girls.

Heh. I think I’d like to add something to my list for Christmas, you can say that it’s for my birthday, ok? I’d like One Meaningful Relationship no hassle, no ruckus, nothin’ …. Just something simple and nice.

Derringer Meryl [Staring at the Sun] Out

Halo…. Work….. Halo…. Work…..

Okay it’s absolutely true. I’d rather be playing halo than dealing with the huddled masses. *makes a face* Especially the after thanksgiving huddled masses. *frowns*

Hopefully the people around the house will let me play Halo with them when i get home from work. *sighs* Anyway, i don’t want to be a yucky bum when i get to work, so that means a shower is in order. *sighs* I’m still just so tired.

Quick someone turn the clock back an hour!!

Derringer Meryl [AMV Queeen] Out

Nothing better than being wrenched awake by the screams of a four year old for his Grandma. Oh Yes, It’s been a pleasant morning.

My hands are better, thanks to my mom and her meddling ways, I guess I shouldn’t say that, it doesn’t sound like i’m really thankful. Shame on me… and two days before thanksgiving… *sighs*

I worked with Artemis last night. Sh’e just so funny. Dateless called her and he’s apparently sick. Poor guy. *frowns* i’m still the uneasy queen, and despite the fact that Monkey once again left his sunglasses at work, they’re still at work. I’m better about my clepto ways…. LOL, I’m not really a clepto, i just like to tease Monkey.

It’s a little crazy. I’m still bad– and the things i’ve done are bad– and i don’t know how to … i don’t know where the stopping is. I guess i don’t have the will to, for oneof my evil ways. THe guilt is going to eat me….. and well– someday i’ll be eaten from the inside out, and the minions of the devil will drag me speedily down to hell.

Derringer Meryl [Bad Bad Bad] Out

Curiouser and curiouser. I’m not even sure curious-er is a word, but Alice got to use it, so … there you have it. 🙂

From one to three (basically two hours or so) I talked to monkey online. and I mean in the morning. I could have talked to him all night, but I had to go to bed since I had work the next day… Which saddens me. I’m glad we’re able to talk now, it may not be the hanging out and what not i’d like– but I prefer something to nothing.

never talking to Monkey again would make me cry. A lot.

*sighs* I’ve been quilting. It makes my fingers hurt. I can see why it’s a valuable thing to learn, but honestly, not that hard TO learn. Okay, I mean, learning to not stab yourself in the finger– hard. I promise you that. *yawns* I”m so freakishly exhausted. Very much so.

LOL, i startled the Mouth by telling him i was having an awesome day. He was appalled at the idea. His day seems to be incomplete without my whining. 🙂 He asked me why my day was so good. I responded that it was because that Monkey and I were getting along. (actually now that i think of it, we never were NOT getting along, just the communication was broken down.) He was impressed at how little it takes to make me happy. I agree. It takes very little. Minuscule amounts of energy… unless you are one of those people who can’t fall asleep after a certain time in the morning. 🙂 then it might be bad for you….. *laughs a little, then yawns*

I don’t know what’s going on with the mouth and his girlfriend (If you can call her that, i have no clue) *shrugs* and I always ask how he is, because he was apparently pretty down for a few days…. which who can blame him? I mean, I’m certainly not one to say anything. I’m the girl who got out of a ten month relationship, and was sad for nine. *shrugs* I’m emotional– overly so when it comes to my heart. I guess i rebounded better when it came to Monkey– besides the fact that he genuinely seemed like he wanted to stay my friend (as opposed to the other guy, who just wanted to put me on the back burner until he got bored with another girl…. Boy, I pick em.) I enjoy genuine people. 🙂

Anyway. I have to see a girl about a missionary farewell.

Derringer Meryl [The Road to hell is paved with] Out