Undone

I have finally made my choice. that while I have a major Jones for HIM I have to admit to myself, that it’s unrealistic, and something that is self indulgent and totally improper in the work place.

So if he moves on it, and somehow has reached this little corner of my mind exposed through the world wide web, then I’ll be happy– but since i’m a spineless old fashioned girl, he’ll have to ask me, i’m tired of being forward, so passe

Anyway- after being hit on by various customers in front of HIM, I’m wondering if I just look like a Bitca. maybe, but i’m hoping that after the line of dorks he’ll just sorta pop up.

and get transferred to another store, or maybe me, I could get transferred, but I don’t want to move unless he really wants to–

Shut up! Cha I’ve said too much.

I get confused by the motions of dating, and the rules and stuff. The day before I leave for college, before I quit I’ll walk right up to him and say “[Insert name], I’ve liked you for [enter amount of time since hired at work] and I’d like to just once have the pleasure of your company at a movie.”

OR some such drivel.

Blah

Derringer Meryl [down and] out

Sappy and Clingy

I said so. I am so I am. That made no sense, but then again I happen to not care.

It’s me. I know I”m sappy because when I look at the Morning star it reminds me of him, and there’s no reason why other than it just does. Or why when I go to work (and break my quarintine) I get butterflies in my stomach when I walk in and he says hi, and there’s dimples in his cheeks that are just perfect. There is NO reason why I should feel like that.

No reason. No signs.

I’m a five year old stuck in a seventeen year old body.

I feel like it. I feel like no one takes me serious.

Tonight at work a customer said I’d make a good boss. Whereupon my co-worker agreed, and the customer left.

My two co-workers laughed about it. It hurt my feelings. It’s really stupid I know, but I felt like maybe they actually took me for more than just eye candy for once. i felt good. Until they snickered. all my confidence went into the garbage. Good for me, I’m eye candy, and nothing more or less; if you could be less.

Honestly I just think that life will move on. Oh well.

Closing time you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here….

I know who I want to take me home–

Do I?

Derringer Meryl

Mom said she didn’t want me to have an online diary anymore. I decided to live in on the edge. No more living in fear

Tuesdays With Morrie did that to me. I’m tired of living the dark. I want to live life to it’s fullest… feel every emotion, and live it….

and let go.

That’s all I want. That’s all.

It’s not hard.

What was hard is the fact I had to tell my boss last night that I had a crush on ‘HIM’ Not my boss… but you know, the guy I have a crush on who I vy to remain nameless on the net. It’s super hard.

But today– I only thought of him as a jerk who was a jerk…

jerk JERK jerk

That’s all I said, to myself any way, and suffered in silence because I knew the truth.

Adorable Trustworthy handsome

I can’t keep but thinking about him. I can’t help it. It’s horrible.

bad Me

bad lama

Derringer Meryl out