Undone

2003-10-15 – 1:02 a.m.

Up late, i know, Shame on me. YOu can beat me with a ruler later on, okay? Blah, I was just watching a little Love Hina in the form of a AMV (anime music video) to the song “I’m like Yeah, but she’s all no” It’s really good… 🙂

and i admit, i’m the typical girl, who watches Love Hina and says “Where The Hell is my Keitaro? Why doesn’t anyone love me enough that i beat them to a pulp and they still love me?” (Whether that beating is emotional or physical, doesn’t really matter in this case.) Then I think about it, how many Keitaro’s have i chased off by my abrasive words and actions, HELL attitude?

This is where the inner war starts… Good Me, Evil Me

Anyone would run away from the way you act. The way you act is completely condescending to the ‘Keitaro’ type. You’re rude, and you stop their advances before they even start.

But what is a ‘Keitaro’ boy without his ‘Naru’ Girl? Nothing? That’s the true test of his love, will he stand her abrasive attitude towards him because of his feelings for her.

Abrasive attitude? Excuse me, we like to call that abuse.

Good for you. In the end, Keitaro ends up with the girl who was just scared of her feelings, that’s why she was being rude to him. Besides, it’s not abusive, it’s self defense mechanisms. Naru is protecting herself from a particularly emotionally painful situation. That’s all.

I see. So what your saying, is that if a person has certain pre-set reactions to certain behaviors, it’s okay if it becomes abusive?

Shall we look up the word abuse? *coughs and pulls her Dictionary out* “Abuse: improper or excessive use or treatment.” Protecting yourself from what you precieve to be a dangerous situation is not abuse. She does not take advantage of the fact that he loves her– except that one time she made him spend all of his money– but that was because he asked her on a date, and then didn’t want to buy lunch…

Uh-Huh, Right, except that one time, she invited him into her room, and then punched him out.

His PANTS were around his legs. IT was sheer coincidence on his part, but still, threatening situation for Naru, and she reacted accordingly. As you are by protecting yourself from men. You know what they want. You’ve seen it before– it’s okay to protect yourself from what you perceive to be a bad situation….

Whatever. You’re on Crack.

I know I’m right.

Who would have thought it– the devil won again! 😀

Derringer Meryl [superiors all around] Out

2003-10-08 – 12:52 a.m.

Okay, i’ve tried to hide it, amid my other shames, but i cannot hide it anymore.

I love sappy romance Novels. I hate it, it’s embarrassing, i know it. Obviously i wouldn’t have hidden it if it wasnt’ so embarrassing to me. My favorite series of all time is the Sea Series, Written By Jean Ferris. She’s [?] an amazing author. (If it’s a guy, thne it’s more amazing, and then one has to wonder, with how well he writes, he must be gayer than all hell.) There are three books in the series, and in the end, the last has to be my favorite (think about it, it’s really the climax of any trilogy) But just so you know the first one is called Into the Wind, Song of the Sea, and Weather the Storm I’m sure that on the outside they look like any other lonely girl special, that is rippling biceps and supple breasts… yada yada yada. Not really. Very action Packed…. with some of that yummy guy imagery (since it is written from the girl’s POV, she very rarely, if ever, refers to her breasts or anything like that….) so yeah.

Here’s the basic layout. The guy who rescues her is a complete JERK (I wanted to put another word there, but prudence tells me not to…) he sets her workplace on fire, kills her dad, and *cough* rescues her from her dull life. Sure she’s gotten into something more exciting, but sheesh. … To complicate things, she, like most girls, falls in love with the freakish jerk. (Don’t get me wrong, he’s one foxy good kissin’ freakish jerk, but jerk all the same. we can’t ignore that fact.) I mostly get to read the second book (it’s fairly awesome) but while it has more action than the last, it’s certainly not as happy.

*shifty eyes* This is where it gets sad, i have to admit that I, the high and mighty AP English student, has been reading these for quite a while. *coughs* it gets worse, these books are intended for ninth graders, and considering i’m a freshman in college, it makes me sound– really really uber pathetic. *frowns* but it’s like a tradition. I read these books through my first messy break up (and yeah, it was messy because i cling. I admit that.) and so i just want to get my own copies so i can read them through all my future break ups, and then someday give them to my daughter so she can read them through her break ups.

I was watching Inu Yasha again. I know, again with the crazy, but it’s like a romance movie in action. Girl loves Dog Boy, Dog boy loves girl, Dog Boy and Girl believe they are betrayed by one another, Girl dies, girl gets re-incarnated into very pretty girl, Pretty girl enters Dog Boy’s Life, Dog Boy is confused but slightly turned on. *shrugs* See, Drama. I enjoy it. ANyway, they were talking about how it was shameful how Inu Yasha (Dog Boy) and Kikyo (girl) had fallen in love, which reminded me of the saying…

You don’t choose who you fall in love with — you just fall.

which for those of you who are keeping score is from my *coughs* Mexico story I was reading at school that one time. *winks* Love is Love, no matter how you look at it. It isn’t always healthy. It isn’t always right, but it’s always love. (Becareful, Lust looks a lot like it, just — hussied up a little, ya know?)

*sweatdrop* Have you ever tried to get something out of your mind, some… *shakes her head* and it just won’t get out? Like take a song for instance, you just think of another song, right? But what if you don’t want to. You love that song being stuck in your head…. Like on Friday I had only one portion of The Postal Service’s, Nothing Better, stuck in my head, all day. I’m not even joking. I had my CD player, and I considered turning it on, listening to some tunes, and getting it out, by any means possible, but it just occurred to me, that i like it there.

and i guess if i like something being stuck in my head, i should probably shut the hell up about it, ne? *smirks* I’ll just have to remember that. won’t i?

I trust everyone. It’s the devil inside the person I don’t trust

Derringer Meryl [ignoring the devil] Out

So many things– that i just wonder about. I’ve been getting out later, and later at work….. especially when i work with Gert. I know i’m not doing anything that’s different, so i’m wondering, what’s taking so long? *blinks* eh…

and so much for the idea of “Don’t point out pretty girls in front of other girls.” yeah. Every (or darn close to it) girl who walked by our store yesterday got a “How you Doin’?” from Gert. *frowns* but what am i supposed to do? I can’t say anything– I can’t do anything– Good Grief. I can’t say “Hey Gert, I think you’re pretty funny, I really like spending time with you– and the bottom line is– i really like you.” No. Cant’ do that. Want to know why?

CAUSE HE’S MY FREAKING BOSS, duh!!! You can’t say things like that to bosses. You can’t say things like that to people you work with for that matter. Thinking you can is fallible. You’re wrong. and if you for some reason think “MY case is different, it’ll work out for ME….” you’re just fooling yourself– you delusional freak. Heh. *whispers* though i’ve wanted to give him the address to my blog here for a while…

Right-

Oh, By the way, Happy October!!!

I bought the first DVD of Slayers today. I should be getting my copy of Inu Yasha and DN Angel soon too (tomorrow, or friday) and so i’ll be in Anime Heaven. 🙂

Time to cook dinner. Oh, and because of my special friend — i get to stay home and watch Angel. 😐 Ick about the friend. Yippie about the Angel!! 🙂

Derringer Meryl [off to cook some dinner] Out

new diet we started (my mom and i) …. well we’ll start it tomorrow…. it’s the special k diet. All I get to have is two bowls of special k and then dinner. that’s it. *frowns* eh.

i’m getting some anime, which is better than anything else. I’m getting the first volume of DN Angel (wahoo!) and Cowboy Bebop, all courtesy of friendjamin Thank goodness. it shouldnt cost too much, and it’ll make me happier than a case of Ben and Jerry’s.

I was watching the new show on NBC Called Miss Match it’s really rather cute. it’s got Alicia Silverstone (whom i adore, she’s just so … petite, and cute.) and my mom and i were talking about the show Friends and how Ross is upset that Rachel and Joey are all kissy and what not. My mom was confused. “Why should he care, isn’t he dating someone else?” I nodded, and said “Yeah, but he still has feelings for her.” She snorts and says “Not enough to marry her obviously.” and I say, the most profound thing i’ve ever said… i’m fairly sure i heard it from someone else. … anyway I say

“Sometimes love isn’t enough to keep a relationship together.”

now, i can’t help but wonder where the hell that came from…. part of me wonders, and another part of me knows exactly it came from. Precisely……

i need to go on a date. I need to get out. *sighs* Right Red? Too bad i need to get another job before i can date who i … want to? I don’t know. My mind… it’s better if i dont’ think about what i want to do.

Derringer Meryl [trapped inside this little world of mine] out

Oh Yeah. I have a test tomorrow… err.. today, whatever. 🙂 Wish me luck… 🙂

*crickets chirp*

Fine ya stingy jerk. I’ll get my luck from other places. HMPH.

After test, i have work (yippie) and then i have… DN Angel? Maybe. Depends on if it downloads.

I fear the Kazaa thanks to the RIAA, I just wish I knew where to find it with Bittorrent. 🙁

Derringer Meryl [sleepy by time] Out