Undone

I don’t know what to feel anymore.

It’s like the stress and the anger– I guess everything about emotions get more and more confusing as you get older. And admittedly, I’m rather mature for my age, I got accused of being a mother yesterday. It wasn’t the most pleasant of experiences, and it makes me think about re-evaluating the way I dress.

Not to mention I haven’t gotten my silly Power point presentation for Literary Magazine done yet. It needs sounds and what not. *gags* I don’t want to complain but– I’m a little tired of having to do all of this. Transitions, sounds, and animations.

Really, This is getting annoying.

AND

I’m fairly sure Microsoft is intent on making me pay for their fetching product. *shakes her fist* I don’t want to pay over $100 for something I”m only going to use once. I don’t think it’s fair, I don’t think it’s right. I hope Bill Gates and his little henchmen get a nice big kharmatic kick in the butt.

I’ve reached another new dilemma. My schedule has been toned down to 3.5 hours per week. (for the last two weeks) Not only is this LESS than part time it also happens to be illegal in this state. The extra shibby thing is that I’m the only one getting screwed. My two other co-workers are getting seven and eight hours. And what am I supposed to do? I mean you have to understand that I’m an anti-confrontation person. I don’t like demanding things. I’m not good at it. I’m not good at much actually.

But c’mon, three and a half hours? That’s jacked especially since everyone else is getting more. *pouts* this is crap.

Down with Management!!!

Down with Microsoft!!

Down wtih Homework!

I know i say this a lot but…. I’m tired

Yeah, I know you know. But I have a lot on my plate right now, and You’re lucky I’m not screaming.

Not that you could hear.

Blah. I have the front cover of the LIT MAG (Buy it lest I murder you) as well as making at LEAST 100 As Seen On TV tifs, editing a picture my brother drew, my regular class responsibilities, a job, and two AP tests, A chemistry test, and 15 assignments I have to turn in. I haven’t done my Video for my power point presentation because no video editing software seems to like me– at all. I have five more pages of my personal literary magazine to write, and no title that seems to fit it at all. I know I’m a whiner, but you would have NO idea the stress I’m under.

Really.

I need some Maalox.

Meryl [Nothing Snappy] Out

Blah Blah Blah.

Everyone has pain, and I’m sure if we all took the time to STOP looking at our own pain, and emotional wounds– and looked at someone elses– we’d all feel better.

But that’s too easy.

You know what, I was wrong. You *are* an idiot. My life happens to, on occasion, *suck* beyond the telling of it. Sometimes more than I can handle. And it’s not just mine. Every single person down there is ignoring your pain because they’re too busy with their own.

The beautiful ones, the popular ones, the guys that pick on you… Everyone.

If you could hear what they were feeling, the loneliness, the confusion… It looks quiet down there. It’s not. It’s deafening.

Go Buffy. You sing it girl. OW – OW!

Things are getting interesting around here.

My Friend, whom I’ve known since the first grade, came to visit for the weekend. I was happy. She’s a great girl, but I was crabby because …. well that’s the confusing part. I’ve been super angry this … uhh … well for a while. It was fun to have her around. Went to debate, and she got to watch me lose, AGAIN! Suprise!

Lets see… i suppose I could talk about my friend. Not the one who came and visited for the weekend. My friend who took me to the dance. I don’t know if he comes here to read my journals any more…. but….

This is the man

That I plan to entangle

Isn’t he fine?

My claim to fame

Was to maim and to mangle

Vengeance was mine

But I’m out of the biz

The name I made I’ll trade for his

The only trouble is…

I’ll never tell

I don’t plan to marry him. Honest. I”m just saying he’s a great guy– and that’s what I can never say, because the words get caught in my throat, because when I get around him, I just play with my hair, and I turn into Meryl, the wonder ditz. That’s what makes me feel bad, and because i’m nervous, he thinks he’s being a bad date, and what not. But no, it’s just him. He’s so good, and he’s so…. I mean….

Wow

He’s really WOW worthy, trust me. And so i have to just sit around totally dumb and mute because I can’t express to him how truely great he is. I mean— really. WOW. It’s like there isn’t even a word that explains how great he is. How he just can make you smile by being there, how it makes your cheeks hurt because you’re having such a wonderful time.

I just can’t say it.

I don’t know why I”m on the Debate team, I can’t speak. Words have escaped me. Gone.

Derringer Meryl [Muted] Out

I HATE MONDAYS!!!

School was fine, except I found out that I wasn’t doing so well in my Word Processing Class, and today I found out that I wasn’t doing so well in my GYM class. I hate that class. She holds me accountable for work I didn’t do when I wasn’t there.

I suppose she’d rather me there and vomiting. Fine, she can have a hostile student, since that seems like her goal. She can have what she wants, a passed out, pissed off, and really really disgruntled video game playing GIRL!!! Okay! I’m tired, and you don’t seem to understand what tired means! I know you’re just doing my job, and I’m just doing mine, which is living, and breathing!! I’M SO SORRY THAT I INTERFERE WITH YOUR PERFECT PLAN!! But I can’t help the fact that I’m not as in shape as you want. SO SCREW YOU!

Can I say, I’m tired of Monday. I’m ready for friday.

Derringer Meryl [On your Bedroom floor] Out