Undone

So I pacify problems with kisses and cuddles

Diligently doubtful through all kinds of trouble

Then I find myself choking on all my contradictions

Or the lack thereof. I’ve decided (on my own, i’m sure there will be contesting of this) that I’m cutting back on the kissy-stuff.

It’s distracting

It’s unneeded (at this point)

and it causes problems.

Problem solved. I’ll just cut back.

Derringer Meryl [Groovin’ to the music] Out

I’ve been collecting lyrics like these for a while. My lyrics stash is getting pretty huge (186 files of lyrics, some of them are just one lyrics orgy type thing. It makes me smile)

I love lyrics. They’re poetry to music. I love that.

I love this:

Your best friend I’ve come to be

Please don’t think of getting up for me

You don’t even need to speak

When I’ve been here for just one day

You’ll already miss me if I go away

So close the blinds and shut the door

You won’t need other friends anymore

Oh don’t leave home, oh don’t leave home

If you’re cold I’ll keep you warm

If you’re low just hold on

Cause I will be your safety

Oh don’t leave home

😉 I love this song. I also fell in love with Maroon5’s sweetest goodbye. It’s a goodie. Look it up. You’d like it too, I’m sure.

You want to know what i find freaky? All of my boyfriends (and now my fiance) that have had cars (mode of transportation), have had red ones, and wicked good stereos. Also a fetish with keeping their car nice. (Scott doesn’t have that issue so much, but he likes to keep it clean, but he’s not a freak about it) I’ve dated mostly people born in J months (January, June, July) Considering full names I have the statistic that they usually have an M or J in them. (Scott Michael) I like middle of the month or end of the month birthdays when it comes to all of my guys.

Am I freak for realizing all of this? I just find it quirky and interesting…. and I’m bored out of my skull waiting for Scott to get home.

Derringer Meryl [Music Freak] Out

No Sound. I got a new harddrive, which is spiffy and pretty, but I have NO sound. I’m not very happy. No eminem for me while I write. That makes me sad. Very Very sad. *sniffles* I’ll fix it later. I’m too tired to care right now.

Cause I need to rant.

Change

I hate change. I hate it a bunch. I hate how everyone expects me to understand it and do it like there’s no big deal at all. And I feel like chucking a brick through the head of the next person who tells me to go with the flow.I don’t know how to. No one has taught me, or explained to me HOW. They just tell me that i have to. I hate that. Give me steps, tell me how, explain to me.

and I want to murder my computer, I want MUSIC dang it. I don’t want to hear the laughter, I don’t want to hear the jokes, I don’t want to deal with everyone else, I just want to listen to Eminem swear about how life sucks. That’s all I want right now. And so…

I’m about to pull my hair out.

I went to see Win a Date with Tad Hamilton and fell in love with Topher Grace (all over again)

I renamed (or will rename) my computer soon, to Miroku. Don’t ask, don’t tell. I’m pretty strict on this one this time. I figure New harddrive, New name, right?

I better go figure out WHAT exactly I’m going to do my Psychology paper about — I’m going insane, slowly.

Derringer Meryl [need to update more often] Out

Have I mentioned yet how i hate this? How i hate Iambic Pentameter,a nd I hope it goes to the depths of Hell when school is done and over with. When am I ever going to need Iambic pentameter? WHEN?

*pulls her hair out* I’m horrid at it. Simply horrid. I can’t get the syllables right, and I just don’t feel very poetic right now.

So I’m listening to Eminem, and hoping i’m inspired.

Derringer Meryl [It feels so empty without Iambic Pentameter] out

what a bad monkey i am. I only wrote two entries last week.

Let me tell you, last week sucked hobo butt. I don’t mean the clean hobos who are actually fairly well off people who go home to a nice house after panning on the streets all day, I mean the crazy hobo who can’t make any sense when he talks. Yep. That kind of hobo. and possibly a stabbing hobo. Whatever.

I got a new CD, thanks to my mom. I know i’m a sissy girl who still lives with her parents and gets all of this stuff for free. It was actually my mom paying me back for a favor i did, so it’s slightly more legit than me going “Mommy I want this” and therefore getting my way. Most of the time i pay for my luxury items. Magazines and the like, but sometimes I whine enough that my loving mother buys me stuff. *nods* What i really want are the back issues of the Newtype magazine that are sold in a store that is across the valley. (approx. 10 miles, at least we guess as much) *shrugs* Anyway, I got the Newfound Glory, Sticks and Stones CD. I was pretty excited. I was stuck between like four maybe five CDs that I wanted. (that I really really wanted.) The New No Doubt Singles Mix thingy, Liz Phair’s Newest, Alanis Morisette’s Jagged little Pill, Linkin Park Meteora (which I’m getting soon anyway), and Hoobastank’s newest. I’m pretty into music now days, which is a total 180 from what i used to be. I used to not care, I guess i can thank Chunga for that, as well as my old psych teacher (who introduced me to 10,000 Maniacs) 🙂

Speaking of Good tunes, May I suggest My Friends Over You,New Found Glory For your happy intake of musical goodness? You might think NFG is just another punk band, but i beg to differ. They have unique lyrics, and while you’d expect the lyrics to fall into a Dashboard Confessional type Punk (whiney and quiet, though I do still like them) they are still the traditional screaming and angry, though the lyrics are quiet sounding.

Before i get to the lyric spew i need to get something off my chest. I’ve been thinking lately about the line from As Good As It Gets Jack Nicholson’s character says to Helen Hunt’s, “You make me want to be a better man,” and i’ve been thinking. That compliment would make me melt. But when i examine my own dating situations. Anyone who makes me feel like i need to change to be good enough for them, slightly annoys me. I suppose it’s all in the attitude. Being in love enough that you’d change yourself for a person, as opposed to feeling like that person is demanding you change so they can date you. I think that’s the key. (Read Hoobastank’s The Reason Lyrics. You’ll sob, I guarentee.) i hate to hurt people. But i don’t like the feeling that someone won’t like me unless i’m different for them. Maybe that’s just mostly my perception. I don’t know. Maybe it’s not so much that they want me to change as I want to change because i dont’ feel comfortable around them as I am…. If that at all makes sense.

Oh, and if the Specialist happens to be reading this, I want you to ask Antigone if I can ask her some questions. I’m just a curious little monkey. Badger, whatever. I’m some sort of animal or something. Besides a curious little badger doesn’t sound as catchy as a curious little monkey.

Now does it?

Right, Lyric Spew. You know who it is, and what song, so deal with it.

I’m drunk off your kiss

For another night in a row

This is becoming too routine for me

But I did not mean to lead you on

And it’s all right to pretend

That we still talk

It’s just for show, isn’t it

It’s my fault that it fell apart

Just maybe

You need this

And I didn’t mean to

Lead you on

You were everything I wanted

But I just can’t finish what I’ve started

There’s no room left here on my back

It was damaged long ago

Though you swear that you are true

I still pick my friends over you

(My friends over you)

Please tell me everything,

That you think that I should know

About all the plans we made

When I was never to be found

And it’s all right to forget

That we still talk

Its just for fun, isn’t it

It’s my fault that it fell apart

Cuz maybe you need this

And I didn’t mean to

Lead you on

You were everything I wanted

But I just can’t finish what I’ve started

There’s no room left here on my back

It was damaged long ago

Though you swear that you are true

I still pick my friends over you

(My friends over you) x2

Just maybe you need this

You need this…

And I didn’t mean to

Lead you on

You were everything I wanted

But I just can’t finish what I’ve started

There’s no room left here on my back

It was damaged long ago

Though you swear that you are true

I still pick my friends over you

(Repeat)

MY friends over you

Derringer Meryl [So I’m choosing a GUY friend, your point] Out