Undone

as a precursor to this entry, i’d just like to say that as a Female member of my family (one of the two who were there for my childhood, that being my mother and i) I have been taught to use the word cute at all times when ever I feel … happy. Or when something makes me smile. *nods* I’m not like your other girls who say “Man, he’s hot!” Or “Whoa, he’s foxy.” In fact, you only hear these statements from me when … well pretty much when i’m talking to Red about guys, or about movie stars. *nods* With that said, I’d like to continue.

I don’t eve know where to begin. I suppose I should start with the annoyingness of my oldest brother and his ever so clever scheme to change my screen saver from “Burn” to “Meryl has a boyfriend” which really made me want to feel embarrassed, but at the time I was ill enough that I just felt sick, and not much else. And while I suppose having protective older brothers like Dax can be useful in situations of scary creepy people hitting on me at the mall, I’d also like to point out that hanging around for an hour after the movie you wanted to watch was over with me and Scott, was a little… uber protective. But then again, Dax mostly hangs out with me and my mom, so seeing another listening male, sorta makes him want to hang out more. *nods* i can understand that. I think Dax and I have bonded a lot since all the other sibs moved out. Though, when I was little I didn’t think Dax and I would be very close at all when we got older, I’m glad we did. I know that someday when I’m like fourty, and he’s like ancient (just kidding) we’ll still be hanging out, because I think we’re that tight.

I’m digressing

Right. It would have been nice to hang out with Scott Sans brother in the living room, but it was nice all the same. And I’ve learned over time that I’m one of those creepy people watchers, like the people who listen to your conversations in a restaurant, or watch how people treat each other, or just simple behaviorisms…. It’s odd. I actually transcribe some of it too. *nods* Anyway, I think it’s friggin’ cute the way that Scott keeps talking when he’s nervous. I usually have a simular problem, If it’s quiet I force a conversation, no questions asked. *nods* And my cat. *smiles* Okay, my cat has this notorious track record for being this huge jerk to guys who I bring home. (which I do a lot, because I feel the safest in my own home, which is ironic for …. so many reasons I can’t name….) ANyway, I have this severe case of avoiding REAL dates so I can just hang out at home and watch several seasons of Buffy or my entire DVD collection or whatever, just so i can be at home … *nods* I think it’s some sort of security issue again. Still, digressing. Cat. *nods* Right. So my cat bites. He loves to bite guys who i bring home. I think it’s his way of marking the ones he disapproves of. I’ve had guys who are great cat handlers, as they need to be because I’m so terribly fond of cats, and still get bitten. I’ve had guys tell me that my cat is the devil in one of his many forms. That kind of shocks me that i’ve been sleeping with the devil in my room for twelve years and i haven’t noticed anything shifty yet. Anyway, he climbs on laps and claws, and he pushes them out the door. He’s a bugger. Worse than my parents sometimes.

Tonight all he did was remind me of my curfew. It was slightly annoying, yes. Both the curfew and the incessant meowing. I don’t blame Scott for curfew breakage, because …. well i didn’t tell him. So really it’s my fault. But I really didn’t want him to leave. And we watched an episode of Buffy, and mom just slept, which she’s normally very… “It’s Twelve, Meryl, time for everyone to go.” Which was sorta nice that she didn’t… Instead Dax let it go till one, and .. well, still, it was happy.

Can I say that i’ve never smiled more in my life than I have these past few days? I’m nicer to customers, i’m more brilliant in class.

and I’m happy. I’m very very happy. And it’s like there are two million words inside of me which want to be spoken, or written, or anything… and I just don’t. I can’t think of how to piece them together correctly to make sense.

So I’m going to go to sleep now, so maybe I can make sense of class in the morning…. Maybe. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Grinning] Out

Wow. I went to my first D&D session last night, not without some grief from my dad. Which made me want to kick him in the shins… a lot. But then we got there, and watched some Invader Zim, which I previously had only HEARD about from other people, and I laughed. I guess I should have warned Scott, and his friends, earlier, but i laugh obscenely loud. It was a lot of fun. In a way i envy Scott for having a group of friends who seem so nice and very… just… well, they’re all very awesome people. *raises her eyebrow* makes me want to not introduce him to my co-workers… sorta. I don’t know how to explain it. I just don’t think most of my co-workers think of me as close of friends as I think of them. Except Marco and sometimes Guts. Guts never gets on my case for being different from everyone else, so that’s really nice. *nods*

I know what you mean about jinxing things. I’m afraid to get too excited about things, because just as soon as i get happy– something bad happens… The other shoe drops, so to speak. But I can’t help but smile. And I feel better about myself. I’ve came from a lot of relationships where the other person was just going along because they didn’t want to hurt me, and i’m afraid of that again… but I keep reminding myself, Scott approached me. And i couldn’t be happier. I feel like I could burst.

And sometimes I don’t like to talk about it, because i’m afraid the other person will be scared of my enthusiasm. *sad eyes* It’s happened before.

But I know I want to hang out and do something again sometime… 😀

Derringer Meryl [Giddy] Out

Can i tell you i’m excited? I’m playing D&D this saturday with Scott, and I’m playing an elf (I seriously considered a hobbit, but ended up going with my first choice of Elf) Luckily i’ve read enoug Lord of the Rings Trivia to know some good Human Jokes. Heh. Ah yes, the IMDB is a good thing.

I changed my layout, obviously. I have to keep up with the jones’s, or the Specialist’s whichever. I haven’t changed mine nearly as much as he has, but psh, whatever. This is mostly because i found this elf picture,and it’s pretty cool.

Also in layout news, I figured out how to BOLD My dates and times so it doesn’t just blend in with the entry. Huzzah! I’m actually pretty ashamed of how long it took. I might end up going back and inserting another break between the date and entry. I dont’ know. *shrugs*

I had a good nap, from around ten to one, which is basically when i’m in school. I sluffed today (That is so a local word, if you don’t know what it means, too bad) and stayed home because I have moments of sincere ookiness. *nods, then laughs* I have moments of sincere Willow Channeling. Isn’t that great? If I could be like Pre-Wicca-Lesbian Willow, that’s alright. I wouldn’t mind. 🙂

Some of my contacts lost a brave war today. The war against small children, *shifty eyes* part of me wants them to learn a lesson, part of me knows I should have put them away– and another part of me wants to scream at their parents to watch them more carefully!

I can’t do that though. Mom wants everyone to get along while they’re here. Psh. Those were expensive contacts half a paycheck, Now how much I make isn’t the issue here (though it’s a very small amount) but imagine half of your paycheck just became a child’s play toy, to the point they were ruined.

Happy image, eh?

Then I pointed out to my brother they had trashed several pair, and he says “Yeah, Tht was Ewan” and I was pretty angry. Did he watch him trash them? Or what? I mean, C’mon! If he knows what kid did it, he should have reprimanded them, or something! I’m not hard core into punishing kids. In fact i’m a big sissy. I admit it…. But Ya know, when it gets down to SCREAMING because their parents are inattentive, and TRASHING expensive things…. That’s when it’s time for a fetching intervension. *hmph*

My Buffy Poster (I got it free, it’s my baby) got ruined. Kinda. I can still use it, but it’s getting pretty thrashed. it’s used to being on my door… I had to get a new toothbrush, mine was ever so nicely used in the tub (ew. I’m sorry, but ew.) They drew all over the walls in the extra bedroom (you can guess what i’ll be doing, scrub scrub!) Ruined one or two DVDs. And…. basically made me feeling like i’m living in some sort of wierdo prison.

Don’t get me wrong. I love kids. I just don’t love it when the kids are unruly, and very very VERY bad smelling (trust me) because their parents have decided to be a passive parenting type. i don’t enjoy the fact that nothing can be left out (including food) because “the hoards” can come and swoop them up. Ack!

Blah. i think i’m done Ranting. I’m going to go check on my precious Contacts, in my room, and see exactly how many died in the battle.

Derring Meryl [Saturday is a Special Day] Out

Since Yahoo Messenger is being a poo, and won’t let me on so I can message Scott, i’ll just cut to the chase and put up here why i wasn’t on yesterday.

I caught the flu. Yep. Or something VERY akin. There was some not so fun aching and coughing and throwing-up involved. I’m just happy it happened after monday but before saturday. I’m feeling loads better, and I got a blessing from Dax and my oldest brother. I slept a lot, expended a lot of my energy by walking to and from the bathroom. I began to feel just tads better around eleven, but by that time i felt good enough that i could sleep. I even slept on the couch last night because i was tired of walking into my door. Yeah. Walking into my door because i’m used to sleeping with my door open, and I ran smack into it at least twice trying to make it to the bathroom. It wasn’t so much fun. I’m going to stay home from school today I think, because all i have in my stomach is two pieces of toast with peanut butter on them. I might go make myself some more in a minute….

*smiles* the greatest thing that happened yesterday is that while I was laying on my mom’s bed, slightly dozing, she came to me and said “Have you read Scott’s Journal Today?” To which I responded “No, have you seen me go downstairs?” I was tired, and feeling a little snippity. No excuse all the same. She said to me “Do you want me to go and print it off so you can read it?” and I said “Yeah” so she did, like a good mommy would. Of course… she didn’t cut and paste, like i would have, and so the edges got cut off, but she was pretty good at filling what was cut off in. She even read it to me.

What a nice mommy I have. 🙂 Especially since i had her running all over yesterday to help me feel better. For that matter I sorta had Dax doing a lot for me too. 😀 Anyway, I haven’t emailed my teachers telling them sorry for being absent and what not… so I better go do that. Can you imagine i spent all that time writing that stupid essay and then was too sick to turn it in!? How outrageous!

Derringer Meryl [Uhg, I need to get better] Out

Can I agree with my friend at Darthyoshi.com that yesterday ruled all? Yes. I’m still giggly and smiley from it all.

I would continue to be such the giggly and smiley if it weren’t for school, but I have to say, that today I was increasingly smarter sounding. *nods* definitely. I knew things. I pulled things from Seminary that I had learned, and I even commented in class, without being afraid that I sounded like an idiot. I guess i’m sorta numb to it all. I don’t care what other people think about me. I had a fan-freakin’-tastic time yesterday, so what other people might say doesn’t matter.

I have Toxic Stuck in my head, thus i’ve been listening to it, over and over again. *nods* I’m a Britney fan, what can I say. I don’t like her lifestyle. I think her choices in her life are poor. I think she could benifit from a good smack upside the head– but I do so enjoy her songs. Does that make me a little wrong? Possibly.

I used to hate Rollerskating, and now I find myself saying to my family “we should go do this” and to my friends “When you come up from college at Spring break we should go rollerskating.” They think I’m psycho, which is okay, because i might well be. I only fell twice, and i still had a great time.

Well, I have more class, and essay goodness. And a chapter of a D&D manual to read– which I hope to fit in somewhere before saturday– and hopefully Guts (You know i love you Guts!) will cover my shift. 🙂 Right??

Derringer Meryl [The taste of your lips] Out