Undone

Don’t you ever get tired of being brave? Putting on that happy smile face for the entire world. The Grin that just makes you feel like you should be hoping for peace on earth, not wanting to blow it to smithereens?

The smile that feels like it’s been pasted on your face for the benefit of some jackass who doesn’t care how you’re feeling really, he just wants to ooze you for every last cent. He is always looking for some loop hole to get through, some easy way to make some money.

Some lie to tell one girl, and lie again, so no one can trace him

Or God, could it be worse? the truth? The truth that someone is actually doing something besides homework this weekend. Someone is having a good time. Good God forbid….

He doesn’t read anymore, no time. It’s amazing how people run out of time. How I seem to find no time to do things i don’t like either. No time to figure out how he thinks, because all it does it make me unhappy because i know i never cross his mind EVER. Because why should i? Why should he think about me, or anything dealing with me? God. I can’t even walk into my bedroom without thinking about him. I have pictures, a stuffed animal– the entire scent of the room. God.

I hate myself for the things i do. If I could just stop thinking. stop moving, and just BE, maybe i’d have a decent chance at anything.

Red says How can i expect him to want to be more when we weren’t even much of anything except acquaintances before we … God. There isn’t even a we. Before he and I dated. Once. Dated. Past tense. So I can’t expect a whole lot.

I understand that. Part of my brain fully registers that. I see that.

But why do i forget it all when i think about him? good grief.

Screw this. I’m embarrassed at saying any of it.

Dido, White Flag

I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you,

I’ll tell you that.

But if I didn’t say it, well I’d still have felt it

where’s the sense in that?

I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder

Or return to where we were

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and

destruction to come back again

And I caused but nothing but trouble

I understand if you can’t talk to me again

And if you live by the rules of “it’s over”

then I’m sure that that makes sense

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

And when we meet

Which I’m sure we will

All that was then

Will be there still

I’ll let it pass

And hold my tongue

And you will think

That I’ve moved on….

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

Well I will go down with this ship

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender

There will be no white flag above my door

I’m in love and always will be

One of my favorite songs at the moment. Don’t search for the CD it isn’t out yet.

Derringer Meryl [waiting for death to greet me] Out

I think i’ve fallen in love. I know it’s sudden, but i’m pretty sure he loves me too.

It’s magical. And now, the beauty of love, as he sweeps me off my feet in a way that only he could. Romantically, slightly coarse, but it doesn’t matter as long as the real emotion is there. You know, the kind that leaves you breathless at night?

I can’t imagine a love more special than ours. How exciting. *flutters eyelashes* We met after Halo Night at Gert’s house, and ever since then I’ve been falling deeper and deeper in love. What makes it so exciting, is that he feels the same way in return. I giggle like a school girl at the thought. *hee hee*

I’d like to introduce to you, Simple Plan. LOL, yeah, i’m sure i had you going there. *Laughs bitterly* Sorry, I was channeling Eliza there for a minute or two. I’m sure you know that Simple Plan isn’t actually one person, but several people composing a band, which plays some seriously kick ass music. (As well as still romantically touching. Huzzah for them!)

I’m sure the band likes the thought that Artemis (she doesn’t like the a in her name though, never call her that. Grr.) from work has talked me into thinking that Simple Plan is positively the best band EVAH! I believe her. Seriously. Cause she and I think a lot alike, and actually get a long which is shocking for a girl and I to get a long. I swear I’m like the anti-girl. But then again, so is she (and yet pro-looking girly, like me.) so she isn’t trying to get into every guy’s pants like some girls, and i find that very refreshing. Huzzah!

Anyway, On with tonights, obscenely late Lyric spew. (BTW< i was ‘at class’ so i couldn’t do this earlier. Heh heh heh.) Oh and a double BTW, this weekend Red is coming home from college. I just hope some of the time this weekend will be spent on me, and not the shattered relationship with that Jackass she’s dating. (Sorry, I’m extreme prejudice. Sue me.)

Right, now for Simple Plan, I’d Do Anything

Another day is going by

I’m thinking about you all the time

But you’re out there

And I’m here waiting

And I wrote this letter in my head

‘Cuz so many things were left unsaid

But now you’re gone

And I can’t think straight

This could be the one last chance

To make you understand

I’d do anything

Just to hold you in my arms

To try to make you laugh

Some how I can’t put you in the past

I’d do anything

Just to fall asleep with you

Will you remember me?

‘Cuz I know

I won’t forget you

Together we broke all the rules

Dreaming of dropping out of school

And leave this place

To never come back

So now maybe after all these years

If you miss me have no fear

I’ll be here

I’ll be waiting

This could be the one last chance to make you understand

And I just can’t let you leave me once again

I’d do anything

Just to hold you in my arms

Try to make you laugh

Some how I can’t put you in the past

I’d do anything

Just to fall asleep with you

Will you remember me?

Cuz i know I won’t forget you

I close my eyes

And all I see is you

I close my eyes

I try to sleep

I can’t forget you

Nanana (2 x)

And I’d do anything for you

Nanana (2 x)

I’d do anything

Just to hold you in my arms

To try to make you laugh

Some how I can’t put you in the past

I’d do anything

Just to fall asleep with you

To fall alseep with you, you ya

Cuz I know I won’t forget you

Okay, not every girl would find this song romantic, so what? I do. I also Find their song Addicted A very good song too. Brinking on romantic, and emotionally rewarding.

Derringer Meryl [Is it friday yet?] Out

Instead of editing my previous entry, i’m just going to add my lyric spew for today, it’s lazy, i know, but you want to know what– I’m so emotionally overdrawn it’s not funny.

Other girls might be trying to live up to how pretty some super model is– i’m busy trying to look as good as some pixelated Chick. Okay? Her boobs are like.. three times the size of her head. Slim waist, and athletic thighs.

how the hell am i supposed to compete with her?

THC {AKA Shy}, Overfire

I’ll take you up above ground

over filth, over fire

newly emerged from damp rich earth

every inch a new sensation

stretches me out of my head

out of my head in to his

to taste and smell myself

I’ll take you up above ground

over filth, over fire

beyond everyday more than life

over filth, over fire

More flesh wrapped around me

more weight on my limbs

more teeth, more hands, more heat

more breath down my throat

More flesh wrapped around me

more weight on my limbs

more teeth, more hands, more heat

more breath down my throat

more teeth, more hands, more heat

more breath down my throat

I’ll take you up above the ground

over filth, over fire

out of my head into yours

to taste and smell myself

Over filth, over fire

Derringer Meryl [if you could only hear the singer] Out

😀 Right. So as of tomorrow, I’m a student at the local community college. Huzzah, yippie, i’m sure you’re thrilled for me. So what do I have planned for the last night of summer?

Absolutely Friggin’ Nothing. I don’t know… maybe i’ll hang out with the guys at Halo night, or maybe i’ll leave them alone so Marco and them can bond, because i have a feeling my estrogen just rots away at their bonding. *smirks* So maybe i’ll stay at home and bond with my brother with some Futurama (the problem with popplers is my favorite episode eVah!) make sure I get my shift off tomorrow night so I can go to my institute class (sorta scared of going to that one…. meep.) and go to my lovely Math class that’s right smack dab in the middle of the day. Huzzah! *claps*

i’m not too excited about it all, i’m more than scared, actually. I’m very scared. Mindlessly so. As in my mind has walked out on the whole deal saying “i’m sorry, i can’t take the worrying pressure.” and now i’m left senseless worrying if gnomes are going to steal my underwear in the night. Damn underwear gnomes.

Anyway. I know this is a short little entry, but I wanted to do a lyric spew of Don’t Speak, No Doubt So I am. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

You and me

We used to be together

Every day together always

I really feel

I’m losing my best friend

I can’t believe

This could be the end

It looks as though you’re letting go

And if it’s real

Well I don’t want to know

Don’t speak

I know just what you’re saying

So please stop explaining

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Don’t speak

I know what you’re thinking

I don’t need your reasons

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Our memories

They can be inviting

But some are altogether

Mighty frightening

As we die, both you and I

With my head in my hands

I sit and cry

Don’t speak

I know just what you’re saying

So please stop explaining

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

No no no, Don’t speak

I know what you’re thinking

I don’t need your reasons

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

It’s all ending

I gotta stop pretending who we are

You and me

I can see us dying

Are we

Don’t speak

I know just what you’re saying

So please stop explaining

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

No no, Don’t speak

I know what you’re thinking

I don’t need your reasons

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

I know just what you’re saying

So please stop explaining

Don’t speak

Don’t speak

Don’t speak

Oh, I know what you’re thinking

And I don’t need your reasons

I know you’re good

I know you’re good

I know you’re real good

Oh, la la la la

La la la la

Don’t, don’t, ooh, ohh

Hush, hush darling

Hush, hush darling

Hush, hush, don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Hush, hush darling

Hush, hush darling

Hush, hush, don’t tell me ’cause it hurts

Derringer Meryl [TELL ME!] Out

I hope this lyric spew, gets through to you! You don’t seem to understand the things I say. Guess I’m too veiled in what i try to do.

Vehicles Shock Me, By Ghost of the Robot

So you caught me all alone
Did you think I’d care at all
Now I’m sittin’ by the phone
Waiting for you to call

It rang a million times before
I picked it up
I wear a stupid smile
Sayin’ that I’m stuck
The effervencent beauty of a face so thin
All the stupid questions well they did me in

Who was I to think to tell
You drove a 2 – 0 – 0
Fake plastic trees are dead
Have a good time when you fall

It rang a million times before
I picked it up
I wear a stupid smile
Sayin’ that I’m stuck
The effervencent beauty of a face so thin
All the stupid questions well they did me in

Everything
Is upside down
Everything
Is over now

It rang a million times
When you lied to me
It rang a million times
When you lied

It rang a million times
It rang a million times
It rang a million times
It rang a million times

It’s your birthday
I’m not there
Because you don’t even
Know that I’m here

Fake trees you
Plant behind you
When it’s me there
Right beside you

I’m the shade that
Creeps your shoulder
When it hides your face from me, I Can’t get over
Can’t get under
Can’t get around or
Through to you, I

Can’t get over
Can’t get under
Can’t get around or
Through to you

Everything
Is over now.

Derringer Meryl [Listening to tunes] Out