Undone

First off, not all Rollins Band Songs are good (in the lacking of cussing way). Not all of them are my favorite, and I have to admit, they probably all sound like me in one mood or another. My CD player is retarded, and won’t play them (is sad, dang it!) But I like what I heard, and this song really struck me.

Liar, Rollins Band

you think you’re going to live your life alone

in darkness and seclusion… yeah, I know

you’ve been out there and tried to mix with those animals

and it just left you full of humiliated confusion

so you stagger back home and wait for nothing

but the solitary refinement of your room spits you back onto the streets

and now you’re desperate and in need of human contact

and then you meet me and your whole world changes

because everything I say is everything you’ve ever wanted to hear

so you drop all you defenses, and you drop all your fears and you trust me

completely, I’m perfect in every way

’cause I make you feel so strong and so powerfull inside

you feel so lucky

but your ego obscures reality that you never bothered to

wonder why things are going so well

you want to know why?

’cause I’m a liar, yeah, I’m a liar

I’ll tear (rip) your mind up, I’ll burn your soul

I’ll turn you into me, I’ll turn you into me

’cause I’m a liar, a liar, a liar, a liar…

I’ll hide behind a smile and understanding eyes

and I’ll tell you things that you already know so you can say:

I really identify with you, so much

and all the time that you’re needing me is just the time

that I’m bleeding you, don’t you get it yet?

I’ll come to you like an affliction then I’ll leave you like an addiction

you’ll never forget me… wou wanna know why?

I don’t know why I feel the need to lie and cause you so much pain

maybe it’s something inside, maybe it’s something I can’t explain

’cause all I do is mess you up and lie to you

I’m a liar, ooh, I’m a liar

but if you’ll give me another chance I swear I’ll never lie to you again

’cause now I see the destructive power of a lie,

they’re stronger than truth

I ca’t believe I ever hurt you, I swear I will never lie to you again

please, just give me more chance, I’ll never lie to you again, no,

I swear, I will never tell a lie, I will neer tell a lie, no, no

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Sucker! Sucker! Sucker!

I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar, yeah, I am a liar

I lie you, I feel good, I am a liar, yeah

I lie X4 ooh, I lie, yeah, I lie

I’m a liar, I lie, I like it, I feel good, I like it, and again

I like it again and I’ll keep lying, I’ll promise

You want to know what. I’m gonna have to insert a bit of a rant here. Sorry for those of you who dislike rants. I’d like to hurt a lot of people who are being REALLY stupid. I”m a firm believer in the compassionate way is the right way. I’m a firm believer that making someone you love happy will make you happy.

Can you imagine how much it would disappoint my parents if I told them “Hey, ya, I was thinking, I want to be a bartender.” And I mean, it’s not about the drinks. I want to talk to people. I don’t want to be pretentious and hide behind a degree. I don’t want to hurt my family. I’m not the kind of person who would say “Screw you Mom and Dad, you gave me everything i ever had, and any hopes you have for me have been officially flushed down the toilet. sorry!” I just… don’t want to hurt them like that. I guess the people at work don’t understand that. Don’t understand what love is, or how it works. I’m not sacrificing much. In fact, I’m not really that serious about being a bartender. I don’t really care.

And what I hate more, is people who ACT like they understand. Act like they’re your friends, but ambush you when you don’t want to do something like them “What Meryl, you don’t want to go out and Drink? WHy not? Are you some sort of sissy follower? Your mommy and Daddy get mad?” I feel like smacking the ever so nice friends of mine who maybe don’t PARTICIPATE In the ribbing, but don’t stop it either.

Screw the pansy walking around it. I’m fetching pissed. I don’t care what you do with your life. Do it. Do what you want. Can you not have the same respect for me? Gert sucks (for scheduling me the wrong day), Monkey Sucks (for not standing up for me), Artemis sucks (for always making me feel substandard), but Guts doesn’t. He was gross (IMO) but i always find it funny when he says it. *shrugs* I don’t know why. I suppose it’s because he never directs it at me!

I’m tired of being a target because I appear innocent. I”m tired of being the one everyone goes after because I’m good. I’m not perfect, but i’m not an ubersinner. I’m not my parent’s puppet. I’m not THEIR puppet. All they want is their turn to stick their hands into my strings and play me. I’m done. No more. As I have been repeatedly told, I might have to tell them to stick it where the sun doesn’t shine. :S I’m no one’s puppet. Maybe some opinions that are strong have influenced mine– but I’m fairly “do what you want, I do what i want, and we all can be happy.”

Derringer Meryl [Spanking her inner Moppet] Out