Undone

new Background. due to my obsession with James, and the prettiness of it. i’m a basic girl, black or white, either way. It’s still the basic same one that I got from unsaid designs (to which I need to find a little link) but with a picture that i got from spikespotting.com

My favorite place ever.

I’m glad i’m going to therapy this week, I need it. I was a smart girl to schedule it this week too since girls state took alot out of me.

I was disappointed to find out that i couldn’t delude myself while I was there. No amount of convincing from myself could convince me that I was okay, and that I was happy to be there. I was miserable.

i missed HIM. I hate that I missed him. I hate to admit it, but i dreamed about him, and it’s killing me inside….

because all else i love my religion, and he could care less about God.

And that’s what hurts the most.

Because I can see myself truly being happy with him, but — and yet not. I would be in hell for all i had lost, falling from the sight of God.

And yet i’m in hell to think of myself without him….

WHich is all very silly and sappy and clingy– because there has been no sign from him that he even considers me more than an acquaintance. Someone you give small talk to until you have to leave for some pressing occasion that they are leaving to with their very nice looking girlfriend–

That breaks your heart….

Cause I feel so angry I feel so callous

I want to be more, and know that I can’t because —

because I can’t, and it kills me inside– kills me outside–

makes me want to die, because there is no place to go

So lost and confused

Lets start over Lets start over—

Derringer Meryl Out