Undone

One last thought for the week.

I was shopping today at Sears (I had to do my best not to call it “THE SEARS” … heh) and I saw a couple being cute, and holding hands, crossing the street together, the guy jumped and was being comedic, while the girl just extended her hand, and their fingers interlaced. It was very simple, nothing extensive. I have to say I only saw them for a moment, maybe two. But I was impressed, to the point i can still recall it.

I was thinking to myself:

“Why don’t i have that kind of thing in my life? Why am i not happy with someone, instead of happy by myself?”

After pondering it for a moment or two, I came to the realization that i don’t deserve that kind of happiness yet. I mean my friend Hikergrrl, deserves every shade and color that happiness comes in. She’s had some really shibby stuff happen to her. I mean some down in the dumps sad stuff…. i won’t go into it, cause it’s not my place, but she got married, and she’s really young, and what not, but if anyone deserves that kind of happiness, and that kind of comfort, it’s her.

Then I think of me. I’ve had NOTHING quite as bad happen to me. I haven’t had any LARGE tribulations, nothing of note, or anything. Maybe i’m not thinking hard enough– but — i don’t deserve to smile and hold someone’s hand. I don’t deserve the brite shades of happiness that love comes in. And in the end, I think God will send someone to me when i’m good and ready.

When I’m deserving of the love i can get from being married to someone who wants to be with me forever.

Derringer Meryl [my two minutes and forty one seconds] Out