Undone

…it was fun for what it was worth…

is that all that can be said for life? that it was fun for all that it was worth? I really don’t think so. I think that drinking and sleeping around (no offense to Mayer, who said this) is what life is all about. Sure. people do it. but i think life is all about love. Not free love, and lust and all that… Dont’ get me wrong, passion is a great thing… after all what Angel says about Passion, is more than true:

“Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping… …waiting… And though unwanted… …unbidden… it will stir…open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us… guides us… Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love… the clarity of hatred… and the ecstasy of grief.
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we’d know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank… Without passion, we’d be truly dead.”

truly dead. How horrid. Isn’t it amazing though, how many of us walk through life, living, but not alive. I can clearly remember when I started living. When I realized, that i’d be okay without my boyfriend (now ex for three years, hallelujah!!) and that he was using me, and that i was an amazing person who deserved much better. Remembering that moment in time, makes me happy. Makes me better than happy, freakishly elated, i’d say. It was like being reborn, without all of the odd ceremony or anything. That was the first moment, i realized that i was a person, who deserved more than to be kicked around and beaten on. and that i wasn’t the prettiest thing ever, but i was worth SO much more than what he treated me. *sniffles*

How DO you measure the worth of a person? Who am I to say someone is worthless, or not? I’m not– i’m not anyone to do something like that. In my experience, people are too often treated below their worth. Especially in school… especially in society– If you aren’t pretty enough, you’re valued below those who are pretty, and if you aren’t skinny enough, then you’re valued below those who are skinny. Or with men, If you’re not detached enough, or if you help around the house too much… God. It’s horrid. I figure, I should only worry about what God thinks of me, and no one else.

And God thinks me Beautiful.

Derringer Meryl [Happy 300 entries] Out