Undone

Don’t ask me why my mind is where it is– but it is.

and no, for once in my life, it isn’t in the gutter.

I’ve just been listening to my music (depressing mostly) and I was thinking about Red coming to visit next weekend, and i’ve already mentioned how excited I am– and i was thinking

what if, God Forbid, this was the last time we spent together? What if she didn’t even make it to my house, and she never completely understood how much I love her, and value her, as a person and a friend. Then I was thinking, what if we got into a fight this weekend, and something bad happened while she was driving back, we’d never get to work it out. *sighs* and i can just see myself crying, these horrible huge tears, screaming at Monkey, that it’s his fault, that it was his fault that i didn’t get to say i was sorry. That it was okay….. and I can see myself, pretending again. Pretending to be happy when a horrible loneliness was eating at me inside, and I could see Gert asking me if I needed some time off, and me cheerily answering “What for? Did something happen?” and just hiding from the fact I had lost my best friend forever.

and Monkey wanted to switch me shifts, so i’d work saturday, instead of friday (which sucks that i have to work the weekend at all, but i suppose Red will rest on Friday night, and we can party all day long Saturday!… unless she has plans… But, we can party ALL of our allotted time! WAHOO!) and at first, i bent to his will… I said “sure Monkey, whatever you say monkey!” Because i’m me, and completely spineless. Then I called him back, and said “Actually Red is coming up that weekend, and i would really rather spend my time with her than covering your shift… so you can wait to go and kill deer until sunday… okay? Right.” I’m a little slow at it– but I’m getting my priorities right again, cause:

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends,

Make it last forever friendship never ends,

If you wanna be my lover, you have got to give,

Taking is too easy, but that’s the way it is.

Something like that. But Like I said before, there just isn’t anyone in this world at this point in my life, who i really want to shag. Be happy for me. My hormones are now under control. 🙂

Derringer Meryl [Spice Girls aren’t evil] Out