Undone

Yeah. So, Um. Yeah.

Can I add a new stressor to my list, one that makes my sides twitch, and my stomach tie in knots, and make me feel like barfing….

Get new friends

It’s been explained to me that my friends won’t get me to heaven, but i figure God wants me to be happy,and i don’t know how being sad in the short run of life, will make me happier there. *shrugs* I plan on keeping Red, Marco, Staples, Monkey, J-bob, Gert, and whoever else might fall under the “not going to get me to heaven” friends title, as great friends, because they are. Sure, sometimes they hurt me, and sometimes I hurt them. Intentionally, unintentionally, in the end it’s all the same. It’s hurt. *looks down* Sure, maybe i should try and find a clientele of friends who don’t smoke and drink– but i thought God didn’t hate us, but the sin, and isn’t it more Godlike to love someone despite the sin?

I thought so.

Anyway. I’m going to Halo fun tomorrow, or whatever we happen to play. I want to be there, because i love my guys, despite what anyone says. And those who say, say I don’t have to get rid of my friends forever, dont’ have to toss them out with tomorrow’s trash, I just need to find more, who are running my way. I guess that makes sense, right? I wouldn’t say my set of friends is running the opposite direction, but i would say they’re standing on the side sorta… heckling. Basically, they want me to make friends who are progressing forward. I’m just not sure if I want to be progressing forward too. I mean, yeah sure, eventually, but right now? I mean forward for me consists of marriage, and babies. And that makes me eep a little bit. Wouldn’t it make you..?

If it doesn’t, check your pants. You’re probably a guy, or much older than me. *shrugs* Anyway, I have to attempt to register for classes at the institute again. I’m sorta scared to go. It’s one of those forward things. A grown up thing. I don’t know if I’m ready…. I’m not even sure if i’m ready to be graduated yet, and it’s a little late for that, isn’t it?

Derringer Meryl [nerve wracked] Out