Undone

Long Horrible, death like weekend.

Can I say that California there and back in a car, not so much fun.

I decided to stop liking him. It was all just in my head. He’d never like me anyway. There’s no chance. It’s not even possible. I’ll break my heart before he can.

My insides hurt. My heart, my stomach, everything. I feel so tired that I just want to sleep– and just cry. More than likely just PMS or something like that. But I hurt. I want to be loved. It’s hard to admit to myself that He’s not the one.

Really hard.

I’ve been all depressed and what not since last night, when I finally decided, that it was more heart break, to believe that I actually had a chance. What a joke. Besides, he more than likely already dating someone.

I have seven hours left of studying for class. I should do that. But — I’d rather wallow. I haven’t told my therapist that I even had a crush on this guy. How bad is that? Shame on me.

I suppose it looks like i’m over reacting to a desprately one sided thing. I agree. I can’t help the way my heart feels. I shouldn’t have started liking him in the first place. I can’t believe I did.

Well from now on NO more. SHame. Shame. I don’t think So, no more liking him. I’m just going to keep to my books, my diet, and my work. Nothing more, nothing less.

I’ll bite my lip if I feel any sort of feelings towards him. I’ll stop tonight. No more. Shame. I’ll ignore him. No more.

I

Must

Stop.

NOW

Derringer Meryl Out